I’m going to start with the stuff that doesn’t connect to the title. Just an overview of the week to get to the big reveal that will take a long time to get over. I started writing War of Nytefall: Lost and got through the first 4 chapters, which isn’t bad considering everything else going on. I had trouble when the prologue looked like more of a chapter one, but Clyde didn’t appear. Reworked the other chapter one to make the prologue more like it’s supposed to be. I’m noticing that this is going to be a slower paced book because the plot revolves around figuring out a mystery instead of battling. I’m hoping to work a bit more this weekend to get ahead since I promised the next few nights to wife time. We have more space in the house for a bit, so we’re taking advantage. Mostly, we’re getting into the Netflix TV to watch the live-action Full-Metal Alchemist movie and the Castlevania series. I cooked, cleaned, and run errands alongside the big event:
My son is doing a report on Pangolins . . . Yes, but that’s not it.
For a long time now, I’ve been having days where it feels like my muscles are tense and my chest is being gently squeezed. Pushing through these moments would result in exhaustion and dizziness, so I’ve given up the days to resting. Most times, this would strike me at night until about a month ago. It started happening more often during the day and I couldn’t figure out why. Even began to feel feverish a few times. Oddly enough, I would feel better if I ate or was distracted by something. Never happened during my son’s Winter Spring too. Still, the sensation had me pulling this maneuver, especially at night when I wasn’t sure what was going on:
Sanford and Son
Thoughts of a heart attack, hypertension, stroke, and aneurysm ran through my head to the point where I feared falling asleep might I was finished. This started dragging my mind into thoughts of death and a fear of it being like I would turn off instead of any part of me continuing on. The idea of my consciousness falling into a void while the world keeps spinning actually scares me more than the method of how I die. I’m getting off-topic here, but I will say that I began noticing things that made me doubt those previously mentioned possibilities.
These fits would disappear whenever I was eating, entranced by my writing, reading, or doing anything relaxing. I’d wake up fine too, but watching the news or getting into a debate with the wife would shove me down. One night, I was still up at 1 am feeling like my chest had something sitting on it. This came out as one of the worst ones and I didn’t want to wake the wife because we’d been arguing earlier about something. I put the local weather channel on with no sound and went web-surfing while chatting with a friend who happened to be awake. The effects began to fade enough that I started remembering how I was perfectly fine on Tuesday. In fact, Tuesday was a great day from beginning to end with no stress . . . Then, I remembered a time in college I got stressed to the point where I was bedridden in my girlfriend’s (now wife) room. I recovered once and then collapsed again as soon as I tried to study for a test. It was like I was at the edge of a cliff and kept slipping, but always had a finger to lift myself back up. I went looking for my symptoms on-line, which I know is a bad thing and I came up with the following:
Anxiety attacks
I know it isn’t an official diagnosis because I didn’t go to a professional, but I had most of the symptom list. Heck, I was perfectly fine at the beginning of this post and now I have that chest tightness and breathing issues. Feel a little hot too. Honestly, the death mention up above is where I really felt it coming on. Anyway, that’s what it seems to be and I’m realizing how often this sensation has been hitting me. Probably just over a year if not longer and I didn’t do anything about it. Just let the stress and pressure continue piling on as if I was Atlas holding up the planet. Now, it doesn’t take much to kick me over the edge. The strangest thing here is that my thoughts don’t feel anxious to me, but I’m wondering if I simply can’t recognize it. Almost like I’ve lived in a constant state of stress for so long that the panicky thoughts have become my norm.
I’m determined not to let this stop me from writing since I’ve found that letting my ideas take me away helps ease the anxiety. Strange even saying that because I feel like I’m overreacting or that this has to be something else. Not that I have this belief that I’m too strong to get anxious. It’s just that I have this weird denial in my head as if better people than me have this, so it has to be something else. This might stem from always being told that my problems aren’t nearly as bad as I think. You keep telling a person that there are others worse off then they could start believing that they shouldn’t complain about anything and possibly even ignore their own problems. I’m getting into a much more philosophical/psychological chat than I expected here. Geez, it really is like I’m being hugged around the chest by a python.
Right now, I’m doing breathing exercises and stepping back whenever I feel like I need to take a break. I tried chamomile tea, but I’m finding that I don’t like the taste. Read that almonds can help, so I have some of those. Not really sure about the science on this one, but I like them. Not as much as cashews though.
I had more, but this post has already gotten pretty long. Goals for the week are fairly simplistic:
- Test blurbs for War of Nytefall: Loyalty tomorrow. (Reblog and shares will be down until Monday. Hope people are able to give some insight.)
- Continue writing War of Nytefall: Lost.
- Help my son finish his Pangolin report.
- Watch Castlevania and Full Metal Alchemist.
- Try to relax.
Beyond that, I found this and I’m wondering if this is true for me. Maybe I have pushed myself too hard for too long.
Yahoo Image Search
Legends of Windemere 
Having been a follower since 2012 I think the sign says it all. Hope the almonds work. There is always amaretto if they don’t.
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Thanks. So far, breathing exercises work best. I’ve read that alcohol increases anxiety, but I never noticed. Might not be across the board.
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Just might if you do something stupid while under its spell.
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Good point. I would only have one drink at the end of the day though. That other kind of drinking is no longer interesting.
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I’m with you.
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Your symptoms do sound like anxiety to me, Charles. Maybe you should try Yoga or something like that to help you relax. It could be coupled with sitting hunched over a computer while anxious too. That can make you fee very unwell. On a brighter note, my son, Gregory, has read the first three books in the Legends of Windemere series, all within about two weeks which isn’t bad going, I thought. He really like them.
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Good to hear he’s enjoying the books. I’ve tried yoga, but right now I need to find methods I can use when an attack is coming on. Yoga requires a lot more space and time, which I don’t typically have.
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You really should go to your doctor, Charles – I don’t know how your medical system works, but in UK, the GP needs to refer you to a specialist for diagnosis and appropriate treatment – not necessarily a Shrink.
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I’m already seeing a therapist and have been for years, so that’s covered. We have insurance over here, which means you go to a doctor, get put through tons of tests, battle insurance to pay for it, develop an even worse anxiety disorder, and then find a shrink who isn’t covered at all. Such an elegant system . . . Sorry, I meant to type elephant dung system.
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Sounds worse than ours, Charles 😱
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Don’t worry. It really is worse than yours.
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You have done a terrific job at figuring this out. Others would be jealous. Breathing really helps. Almonds sound even better. I like John’s suggestion of amaretto. 🙂
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Thanks. I picked up jellybeans too, but that’s not on the list. I’m going to see if I can undo the attacks by indulging in something simple that brings me joy. It was pointed out in a therapy meeting that my body is probably at a point where it can’t distinguish between regular stress and extreme stress, so it sets off an attack at the slightest poke. I have to retrain it or something.
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Indulging in something that brings you joy sounds just right. Writing brings you joy, and you relax. Jelly beans do, too. This is good!
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Writing can work, but only if I have the time and space for it. I’m reacting to tense scenes too, so I’m going slower.
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Sounds like a good thing to do.
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Stress is really one of the worst things that can happen to anyone. There are a lot of other things that reduce stress besides chamomile tea, along with some herbal stress pills that help.
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Pills were suggested, but I’ll admit that I always forget to take them. Saddest thing with stress is that society practically makes it mandatory for adulthood.
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There’s something called a stress mint too, those are supposed to help even while you’re stressed out.
You’re right, adulthood is just anything word for stress really.
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Somebody mentioned stress mint today. I’ll have to think about that. Mint isn’t really one of my favorite flavors. York Peppermint Patties and Thin Mints are pretty much it.
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Mint can be an acquired taste, but stress is never nice. You’d just have to decide which you hate more, lol
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You are on to something as well when you mentioned distraction. I try to switch to an activity that requires concentration even if it is counting backwards from 522 in lots of 7 or something. That and breathing/meditation, works wonders for me. Although mine are brought on by gastric reflux from arthritis medication making me think I am having a heart attack. I am fortunate I can point a finger at the culprit but rational thought doesn’t stop a panic attack developing.
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Math might not be the way to go for me. It’s not my forte and would lead to more stress. 😁. I’m learning that rational thought isn’t much help here.
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Ah, this goes to show everyone is different and what works for one is useless to another. I’m terrible at maths and usually mess up after the first three or four subtractions, which means I have to focus harder on it, further distracting me from the panic attack, which sounds like the exact opposite of what you’d feel. You will figure out what works best though 😃.
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Thanks. Yeah, it really does feel like ithis requires s unique path.
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Sounds like anxiety attacks to me too. I suffer with them sometimes myself. Mine are doctor diagnosed: I’ve been in hospital on oxygen during a combination anxiety attack and asthma attack before. Honestly, breathing exercises and using whatever methods you can to “escape” are excellent ways to deal with it.
Regarding the tea: if you don’t like the taste of camomile, try adding it in something else. You can get teas that already have it combined with something… Camomile and spearmint, for example… Or add it to something yourself. Mint is a good option (hence mentioning that spacific blend) since it also helps with any stomach upsets that may be happening during the anxiety. Other options are fruity teas… Teas with berries are good for covering up the taste of camomile.
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I can only imagine the new level of terror that would come from an asthma attack joining the mix. The tough part about escaping is that I can’t always figure out the source. Sometimes it’s just a drive in bad weather or my mind wandering away.
I did mix have an herbal mix tea, but it still didn’t work. My stomach simply didn’t like it. 😢
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Yeah… It was unpleasant and scary. Thankfully I don’t have the anxiety attacks get bad enough to trigger my asthma often. Luckily I have mild asthma, or it would happen more.
That sucks about the tea issue. How are you with warm milk? I know someone who puts camomile in warm milk to help him sleep, and that might be enough to improve the taste for you… If that’s an option for you.
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Not a warm milk fan unless it’s hot cocoa. It could pose an issue during the day too thanks to the drowsiness.
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Well, you could always try it in your cocoa shortly before bed anyway. If nothing else, maybe you’ll sleep…
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True. Since it got really cold again, I might have to give it a shot soon.
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It sounds like you could be on the right track, but I hope you’ll still find time to talk with a doctor.
Great to know that writing is your therapy, though!!
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I have a therapist, so I figure that’s covered. My only issue with a doctor is that they’ll hit me with stressful tests and then toss medication at it. I’m not that bad since breathing exercises are helping.
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If you’re already seeing a therapist, then you’re covered. Stick with it. I’ll be thinking of you and your family.
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Thanks. 😁
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Adult life seems geared to this lately. We are also trained not to be babies and to act like men, and this is a mistake. We have to admit when something is wrong and take some time for ourselves. I have hypertension and it sucks, but medication is the right answer there. We can’t be there for everyone except us. We matter too.
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Men who do complain instead of sucking it up tend to get pushed away too. It’s always in our head and not as bad as we think. I’ve found that most people don’t realize that stress and anxiety build up over time instead of diffusing within minutes.
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Too true.
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So sorry to hear that, and yet, it makes so much sense. As the Chinese saying goes, a bow that’s always strung will break.
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Makes complete sense. Even the mental gear needs time to relax and recover.
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😀
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Oops, wrong comment (the lol went to the mushroom comment which literally made me laugh out loud). As for the stress point, I haven’t had a decent break since the wee one was conceived, so I can identify!
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That’s always a long haul. Sleeping through the night yet?
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Some nights are better than others 🙂
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It’ll happen eventually
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