Well technically today.
This is the Day of Fasting for Jews where we don’t eat from sundown to the following sundown. It’s an act of atonement for the sins we did all year. You might see a lot about this or nothing depending on how many Jews you know. Some may even tell you how to help them get to the end. Well here’s what NOT to do:
(Special nod to John W. Howell who does lists like this every week. Check out his blog HERE.)
- Do NOT visit them while eating a juicy hamburger. It might be a fun joke that you can all laugh about later. Unfortunately, you explained lent and not eating meat on Fridays to this friend. You thought we were asking what your favorite meat dishes were to throw you a party? Guess who will be out for a weekly revenge. Be thankful nobody has invented a way to send aromas over the phone.
Damn right
- Do NOT repeatedly ask through text or phone calls if it’s time for your Jewish friends to eat. That’s worse than telemarketers, including the ones that are trying to sell door-to-door grocery delivery. At some point, you’ll be messing with a hungry person that isn’t thinking straight. Be afraid of what photographic responses you will get.
Is that a Jewish sin?
- If your college roommate is Jewish and trying to fast, do NOT invite the most hated person in the dorm to stop by. Then give him a slice of pizza to eat while he waits in the room for you to get back from the bathroom. Also do NOT tell him to stand next to check out the game your fasting roommate is playing as a distraction. This isn’t for your sake or the invitee’s sake. Just remember that your roommate is probably as poor as you and can’t afford to replace the window he/she inevitably throws the innocent jackass out of.
Yup
- If your spouse is Jewish and you aren’t, do NOT indulge in your own eating in front of them. No popcorn once the sun goes down or coming into their room of seclusion reeking of freshly made lunch. The only time to do this is if you’re eating something they hate the smell of. Go ahead then because the stench might help them make it another hour.
I only have an iPhone 4, so I’m good
- Do NOT try to work with your Jewish friends to play an upcoming BBQ or pot luck dinner. The conversation will eventually be drowned out by the sound of a rumbling stomach and muttering about the pros of cannibalism. Any samples you may have brought of what you wish to serve will not be welcomed with open mouths.
Her hair looks like cotton candy
- Do NOT invite your Jewish friends to play online games that revolve around food. It might sound like a good idea at the time because it’s a distraction. Yet how long before the glistening graphics look delicious and they start licking their phones. Then they accidentally set off the camera and a picture that only a dentist would find exciting ends up on Facebook.
This is disturbingly true
- If you are the non-Jewish spouse of a fasting Jew and help by watching the kids, do NOT let them routinely rush to the hungry parent for play time. It doesn’t matter if you found something interesting on YouTube. The tantrums that ensue may end up being a distraction to some, but making them stop will be exhausting. Every bit of lost energy and bursts of exertion is another step toward a grumpy adult that will attack the first food-like substance they find. This may include whatever the pet is eating . . . or even the pet.
In conclusion:
Legends of Windemere 
G’mar Hatimah Tovah, Charles.
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Thanks. 🙂
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Almost through it, Charles. Hang tough! ❤
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Thanks. Just a few more hours.
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You’re almost there! I don’t know what is worse… not being able to eat or not being able to shower! My husband had a procedure done on his leg yesterday and they neglected to tell him he would not be able to shower for a “few” days! Hope you laughed! 😀
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I did the shower. Just kept my mouth shut. Have to say not drinking is the hardest part. Hope your husband can shower soon.
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Oh, my! That would be hard. You are almost there now! ❤
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The real question is what people are going to bring in for dinner.
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Do you have a family gathering to celebrate? Or… are you talking about people coming over who do not fast? That could be difficult.
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We used to and that tended to backfire on me. Everyone in the family likes tuna noodle casserole or tuna quiche, but I can’t even stand the smell. These days, I’m the only one in the house who fasts. So I just seclude myself and wander out when it’s time to ask people to order some dinner.
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Ha, Ha! I’m sorry for laughing, but that is great Charles. 😀
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This year might be easier. Depends on how quickly my wife can get Subway and come back. No way I’ll be driving or walking anywhere.
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Despite the hilarious list, which might (but probably didn’t) take your mind of things for a while, I hope it’s not to late to say I wish you an easy fast 🙂
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Thanks. I actually wrote the list over the weekend because I didn’t know how my finger coordination would be today.
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Ah, that’s understandable. I hope you’re doing okay 🙂
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Hungry and running out of steam, but I’ll make it.
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You absolutely will, but your blogging friends are thinking of you. I hope the remaining hours pass swiftly 🙂
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It’s always the last 1-2 hours that drag on forever.
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You should be really close now Charles, hang in there…you will make it.
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Thanks. Though I’m sensing it might be longer than expected. Nobody is moving on getting food.
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Well now that doesn’t seem very nice…don’t they realize you must be starving after 24 hours of no eating?
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They do, but some have leftovers in the house. The one who is supposed to get food for me has horrible temporal awareness. Even when she has a watch on.
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What a hoot of a list. I had to laugh out loud several times and wish I got to this earlier today. You should do this more often. (lists not fasts)
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Maybe I’ll figure a few out for November. Really lacking in post material.
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Great. Now I’m hungry.
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Raid the fridge?
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I’m waiting for Electra to come back from running errands. As soon as she’s back we’re having lunch, and I don’t want to ruin my appetite (it’s a little past one pm over here. Say, it must be dawn over there. What are you doing up already? Getting the wee one ready?).
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Wife’s alarm went off since she has to commute into work. So I’m always up around 6 AM to get computer stuff done, ease into my day, and then tackle the kid for school. He was up late too, so I’m in for a fight.
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Maybe a glass of water can work. Not very filling and hydration is always good.
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Wise words. We also had some leftover pumpkin pie. Very tasty *burp* 😉
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Key word there is ‘had’, right?
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Heh heh *rubs belly, satisfied grin on face*
Don’t worry, I also drank plenty of water 😉
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I’ve been hanging out with a 6-year-old too much. That declaration usually means getting him to the bathroom an hour later.
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Lol – I don’t think that will be an issue here. You can always burp me, if you wish 😀
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Thankfully that stops becoming a necessary thing in less than a year.
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That’s actually good to know 🙂
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Though it may come back in college. At least I saw a few people that were reverting in those days.
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