How To Help Your Stay At Home Spouse?

Posted on February 13, 2015 by Charles Yallowitz

Mr-MomYou know, there’s a lot of memes and pictures out there for stay-at-home mothers and not much for stay-at-home dads.  This movie came up a lot, but I guess that’s how it works.  It would explain all the times I heard someone say ‘women are simply better at child-rearing than us’ while they watch my wife tend to our son.  I’m going to avoid getting into that fight though.  I’d be here all day and I have writing to do.  Besides this is a gender neutral list of things you can do to prevent your stay-at-home spouse from going on strike or striking you with the nearest blunt object.

  1. On a day off or an early return day, take care of dinner.  Learn even a handful of recipes for you to do or just memorize your spouse’s favorite dishes of each takeout place.  It doesn’t even have to be fancy.  On days that you come home early, you need to warn your spouse that you’re doing this.  Coming home with pizza while they’re in the middle of cooking a lasagna from scratch is not going to end well.
  2. Accept a chore and take care of it without having to be reminded.  The more annoying or gross the chore, the better you’ll do.  For example, be the one to clean the bathroom and don’t pull the ‘I have it’ for several weeks.  If you promise to do a chore and your spouse does it because you kept forgetting, you might be hit upside the head with a toilet brush.  Oh and the towels will disappear while you’re showering to clean after the first attack.
  3. Don’t act like watching the kid(s) for a day or an evening is either a challenge or a piece of cake.  You being home to play is a treat while the parent always at home is seen as the authority.  Also, try to learn the system that the more present parent has set up and any new habits that your child has developed while you were out. There’s nothing more frustrating that the delicate system of power being shattered by an extra cookie or by pushing an old tactic that stopped working months ago.
  4. If you or the child makes a mess, don’t call the other parent to clean it up.  The kid will tell on you, so just grab a paper towel and get on your knees.  You can call for help if it’s a big mess though.
  5. Don’t promise that you’ll let the stay-at-home parent sleep in and fail to make good on this oath.  If the other parent still has to get up, prep breakfast, prep child, and handle morning stuff, you failed.  If you make enough noise to drown out a stampeding elephant and let the child run around the room, you failed.  If the sounds of crashing dishes and screaming erupts from downstairs, you failed.  In other words, you better not make a promise that you can’t make good on.  Otherwise, you will have a borderline psychotic spouse on your hands who will no longer care if there’s a child in earshot.
  6. Learn to read your spouse within seconds.  Seeing a disheveled human in the kitchen or hearing screams of battle in the bathroom should be more than enough to tell you how their day has gone.  Same with a happy spouse, but keep your senses peeled for the scent of alcohol.  Act accordingly with all scenarios, which will take some trial and error.  LEARN WHEN YOU ARE MAKING THINGS WORSE TOO!
  7. If you go out for errands, do your best not to forget anything.  If you do forget then don’t turn it into a chore for your spouse.  The list might be cooked for your dinner with a side of Rice-A-Roni . . . still in the sealed box.  Also, try not to adlib parts of a shopping list unless it’s for you alone or you can show evidence of a sale.
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About Charles Yallowitz

Charles E. Yallowitz was born, raised, and educated in New York. Then he spent a few years in Florida, realized his fear of alligators, and moved back to the Empire State. When he isn't working hard on his epic fantasy stories, Charles can be found cooking or going on whatever adventure his son has planned for the day. 'Legends of Windemere' is his first series, but it certainly won't be his last.
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31 Responses to How To Help Your Stay At Home Spouse?

  1. Oloriel's avatar Oloriel says:
    February 13, 2015 at 10:06 am

    I think I need a shirt with #2!

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  2. Hellbilly Mama's avatar Hellbilly Mama says:
    February 13, 2015 at 10:19 am

    I love your list. I’m going to have to remember those.

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  3. D. Wallace Peach's avatar D. Wallace Peach says:
    February 13, 2015 at 10:25 am

    This is a really sweet list. Perfect for Valentine’s Day too. Doing just one of these for the person you love would be a better gift than chocolate!

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  4. Marie A Bailey's avatar 1WriteWay says:
    February 13, 2015 at 10:36 am

    Great list! It actually makes me glad that currently we both work outside the home 😉

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  5. Elle Knowles's avatar Elle Knowles says:
    February 13, 2015 at 11:30 am

    Reblogged this on Finding Myself Through Writing and commented:
    This is such a funny from Charles! Do I detect a note of venting here? For some reason, and maybe it’s the ‘old school in me, I can see a woman coming in from work and helping out with her stay-at-home-taking-care-of-kid spouse, but not so much as a man coming home from work and doing the same for his -stay-at-home-working wife. H keeps telling me the drawer bins in the fridge need to be cleaned. Since he has the time to notice things like this, – I never noticed – surely he could do that one little chore don’t you think? “I have it!” 😉 ~Elle

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  6. Elle Knowles's avatar Elle Knowles says:
    February 13, 2015 at 11:31 am

    Loved this Charles! Just re-blogged. Bad day? You may have hit a nerve! 😉 ~Elle

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  8. quarksire's avatar quarksire says:
    February 13, 2015 at 11:37 am

    right on right on ,happy V day 🙂 😎

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  10. Dom DiFrancesco's avatar Dom DiFrancesco says:
    February 13, 2015 at 2:25 pm

    This is a tough one. My wife and I both work outside the house and always have so we don’t really have these kind of fights. Generally we share in most of the household chores or at least have our unspoken areas of responsibility. For instance, I am responsible for any outdoor maintenance, landscaping, garage cleaning, etc., while she does more of the inside work with the help of at least one of our kids. These are mostly weekend chores. If I have nothing outside that needs attending to, I of course come in and lend a hand. I wish you luck with this one and maybe some advice from someone who is in a similar situation. I don’t envy you.

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  11. reallifemarti's avatar reallifemarti says:
    February 13, 2015 at 2:48 pm

    At the moment, I am working from home and my hubby is laid off. I am making him read this and maybe printing up a copy to post in the bathroom across from the throne. No matter which partner stays home, there is always the chance to feel unappreciated. This article covers all sides of the potential argument. I think if I had any beef, it would be that the person who isn’t cooking should at least help to clean up the kitchen. But maybe that is just MY rant!

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  12. John W. Howell's avatar John W. Howell says:
    February 13, 2015 at 4:20 pm

    I love the scent of alcohol warning. pays to check both hands for knives as well

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