Inner Heckler– He’s trying to write again.
Mental Heckler– I know. I already started in on the beer we stored by the amygdala. It’s going to be a long couple of weeks.
Inner Heckler– Why does he keep doing this? It only makes him mad when he misses deadlines and deals with the others.
Mental Heckler– Can we really call them deadlines? They’re so arbitrary and flexible, but he kills himself trying to reach them. So he fumbles for a day. He has a kid to take care of after all.
Inner Heckler– Not to mention the blogging, promoting, wife, parents, eating, showering, biking, and everything else. I’m exhausted just thinking of everything, so I don’t get why this idiot keeps going nuts.
Mental Heckler– Did he just misspell a word?
Inner Heckler– Yup. He’ll realize it in a minute or two. Maybe. He’s already missed a few small words, which will embarrass him later. I think he’s figuring it out now.
Mental Heckler– Oh, distraction by the phone! Guess that typo is here until the editing.
Inner Heckler– Where’s he going?
Mental Heckler– Probably to rummage through the fridge and cabinets for food, but not finding anything he wants to eat.
Inner Heckler– Such an odd creature. Did he just roll up his sleeves and roll them back down? How many tics does this guy have?
Mental Heckler– We’re talking about someone who has been repeatedly thinking ‘clear across the clearing’ for the last 10 minutes. He’s one head trauma away from thinking he’s Napoleon.
Inner Heckler– Nah, he’s definitely the Lincoln type.
Mental Heckler– Let’s face it. He’d think he’s a superhero or some fictional character. The history section of his brain is stuffed with pictures of pizza. A lot of guilt wafting from that region.
Inner Heckler– Why does this guy have two hecklers in his head?
Mental Heckler– That way we can work in shifts and make sure his confidence doesn’t get above a 3. I like to let him fake it for a while before you come in for the kill. Tricks him every time.
Inner Heckler– Well, there’s the other guy who does a much better job.
Mental Heckler– That’s the boss, dummy. Looks like he finished a chapter section. Time to knock him down for an hour.
Inner Heckler– I’ll get some rest for my turn. What are you going to do?
Mental Heckler– A proud Facebook post on his author page followed by a panicky one on his personal page. I’m trying to see what happens if I shift his gears within seconds.
Inner Heckler– Leave some for me. I don’t want to wake up unemployed.
Mental Heckler– I make no promises.
Legends of Windemere 
I can certainly empathize with this battle inside Charles. I really liked how this flowed and I hope it made you feel better in the bargain.
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It was fun to write. I think authors need to be silly every now and again to remove the stress. Also, you can’t go wrong with Muppets and Milton Berle. 🙂
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True
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This is very funny, but sounds incredibly painful as well…who will be the winner, that is the question.
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Either way I don’t think the writer is going to be sane. 🙂
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Can you tell these guys not to pull the sleeve trick on me? I am in a T-shirt!
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I think you’re safe. Only happens with long-sleeved shirts and occasionally sweatpants. 😀
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Hahaha! And I thought I was the only one with voices in my head 🙂
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Nope. All authors have them. Some of us have an entire world yapping away in our skulls. 🙂
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Clear across it 😉
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It’s a perfect sentence to drive people insane.
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I can identify completely! ! Giggle
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🙂
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Funny and but so true! And the battle rages on! 😉
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Endless. They even start up when I’m sleeping.
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uncanny…
It reminds me of a poem by felix dennis and thekind of dialogue in c.s. lewis’ screwtape letters. we all have these voices, Charles (though some of us have more than two, unless you were holding back hohowhat!). excellent post. I believe in you.
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Thanks. I’ve heard of the Screwtape Letters, but never read them. As for the voices, figured it was easier to stick with two. 🙂
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I laughed out loud reading this because I can so relate. I especially loved this line: “We’re talking about someone who has been repeatedly thinking ‘clear across the clearing’ for the last 10 minutes. He’s one head trauma away from thinking he’s Napoleon.” Very entertaining, Charles 🙂
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Thanks. It was a coin flip between Napoleon and Lincoln. Those seem to be the popular choices.
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