Boris Vallejo – 1976 – Tarnsman of Gor
Originally, I was going to write my opinion on how to write a seductive, sexy character in fantasy fiction. I’m not an expert on this, but it’s a topic that the debut of Sari has prompted me to think about. Anyway, I went looking for a good picture to use for that post. It was a ridiculous search considering everything was barely clothed women. Even when I typed ‘fantasy art sexy man’, it was predominantly women. Still, the male pictures that did show up where the same thing too. In fact, the guys had less clothing than the women. I do not count strategically placed mist as an article of clothing. It was a frustrating 15 minute search that led me to change my topic today.
What do you need to make a traditionally sexy fantasy character? Well, let’s Frankenstein ourselves a pair of hotties:
THE MAN
- Rippling muscles in all the right places and a few wrong ones. Arms and legs are bulging with power, but occasionally it looks like the guy’s neck is able to bench press a Buick.
- Long sword or big axe to make sure you have the phallic symbolism. Imagine those groans of WTF are moans of enjoyment.
- Perfect hair even if it’s the ‘rolled out of bed’ look. Doesn’t matter if he just fought a battle with a helmet on, he’s dreamy.
- Butt dimples the size of small children. Small note: Keep these guys away from small children.
- Defined chest muscles with perky nipples. It’s like these guys are always cold. That might explain part of #8.
- Abs that you want to hit to see how tough they are. Look flesh-covered armor plating.
- The smile . . . HA! Nobody’s looking at his face.
- He should be in furry underwear, skewed loincloth, or butt-naked with something in the way of the ‘important’ part. Funny how so many of these guys have tiny objects in the way. Do fantasy worlds promote steroids?
THE WOMAN
- Glorious hair that shimmers in the darkness and flows when there’s no breeze. You just want to curl up in her tresses and ignore her screaming that her scalp hurts from the pulling.
- The sexy smile that the artist thought would distract from the clothing composed of one string of spider silk.
- THONG!
- A butt so firm and round that you start to wonder if she’s smuggling two melons under her . . . okay, you know she’s not doing that.
- Legs that are long enough to kick a person from across a small room. Useful to put them in a stretching, full extension position or curled in a way to help the heels bring attention back to the melon butt.
- Stomach flatter than a piece of paper. This part remains flat even when the back is arched in a way that you question her possession of a functional spine.
- Eyes that are either cold or predatory. I know I’m turned on by a woman with the expression of a zombie (commence Kristen Stewart jokes) or will eat me if she gets even the slightest bit hungry.
- Cleavage. All sorts of cleavage. Tightly packed so she can double as a nightstand. Wide apart so her chest is tickling her armpits. It’s like fantasy women’s chests are made out of play-doh and they have no pain nerves there. Seriously, it looks like the more uncomfortable the breast position, the ‘sexier’ she’s supposed to be.
A final note: some of these pictures are simply hilarious.
Legends of Windemere 
The nightstand got me….
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That one had me chuckling too.
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Hmmm.. I am so glad that you included the word ‘fantasy’ in this post. There is not much reality there in my experience… LOL 😀
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Nope. Though, some people do consider this to be what reality should be.
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Namely those who produce glossy magazines and advertisements…
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I don’t think the people who produce these believe their own advertising. It’s more that they know the mentality is out there and take advantage of it.
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Don’t get me started on the whole debate about how we are made to feel that we should look. It puts so much pressure on all of us, men and women. I posted about it when I realised that I had fallen into the trap with my characters as well. Why do we do that? We know that the bodies and images that they project are unachievable, yet still we yearn to get there.
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I think because there’s also an expectation for characters to have a certain look. I know my heroes tend to be attractive with a few flaws or weak points. In some situations, a reader would find it hard to believe that a ‘flawed’ character type is in a certain situation. Check out some of the comments under a book called ‘Cupcake’, which is a romance with an overweight heroine. Some of them are amazing.
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Oh thanks Charles, I will definitely check that out. I was thinking of being more realistic when I make my next characters… I know that as I reader I would appreciate a character that I could identify with more but if we read for fantasy and escapism, then I guess we also like to read about beautiful people?
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It’s really tough in fantasy when you have high action battles. The characters have to possess the body that goes along with their fighting style. Fat and out of shape doesn’t make a believable warrior for most people.
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What about sumo wrestlers??? LOL.
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Different culture, but I don’t see them holding their own against an axe-wielding barbarian. Though, I’d love to see that fight.
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Me too! 😀
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I don’t ever want to be that muscle-bound. I prefer the way I am, lean and agile…not causing earthquake-level damage to every door frame I encounter.
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Ha ha! 😀
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I miss being lean and agile. Now I’m dumpy and lucky to not hit walls when I walk. 😦
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For me, it’s getting on my knees when I need to pull something out or put it away. I don’t like that sensation. In the past, it didn’t bother me.
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I’m lucky I don’t have a knee problem. Weak shoulders though. Sucks getting old.
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I’m not sure if it is an actual problem with the knees, or just mentality. Only on hard surfaces, never grass or natural ground.
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Strange. I get that too. Almost like my knees are more sensitive or the skin is thinner.
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Of all the examples, there is one you probably have not seen. Courtesy of Japanese animation, I give you “fantasy art sexy man” not for the weak hearted. Totally. If you haven’t seen this, now is the time to run. You can thank a friend of mine in France for me knowing about it.
In short the most bizarre example of “fantasy art sexy man” you will see today.
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Reminds me of a character from Fullmetal Alchemist. Leave it to Japan.
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Always Japan.
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These are indeed fantasy images. Real life gives us gravity and such. I kind of like the cute little ruffian dwarves, but then I am kinky like that. 🙂
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The dwarves are always fun. I think you can get away a lot more with non-humans, but most art revolves around them.
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It is the artistic license that I like most about fantasy.
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Me too. Though, I think it’d be pretty funny if fantasy authors had to actually get a license for it. Wonder what the test would be like.
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You may not recall this, but there used to be an art school that had a half drawn picture of a little deer face. You were told to finish the picture and send it in to see if you had talent and would qualify for their “School of Art” that picture was everywhere, newspapers, magazines. So me and a group of friends drew weird faces on the pic and sent them in. We all “qualified” naturally. What people will do for $$$.
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I don’t think I ever heard of that. Never much into the drawings arts. I wonder if there was any way to fail that.
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Love this – particularly the furry bikini bottoms on the guys… how in heaven’s name do they fight with that? Reminds me also to go back and make sure D didn’t somehow make himself look epic all the time in every one of his scenes! 🙂
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I assume a leather backing and a total abandonment of shame. D isn’t allowed to be constantly epic?
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Total abandonment of shame… that sounds about right. No, he’s not. He’s egotistical enough without being amazing all the time (Although, I gave him pathos and that almost made him worse than before!). He makes a few grave errors, but I also have to make sure he’s not rippling around the pages all the time.
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The term ‘rippling’ can mean so many things. I’m sure everyone will love ‘D’.
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The amount of waxing/shaving some of those characters must do to look like that…
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Their pain threshold must be amazing.
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And then you must consider the ways they did without modern conveniences.
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I’m going to assume a partially trained concubine.
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I’m going to assume partially trained, as the predecessor just ripped the sheepskin-bound wax right off and was executed for it, leaving the concubine entirely clueless on how to perform the same task, which then leads to a repeat with her successor.
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Maybe the lesser folk have specially trained gnomes. Hard to think everyone who does it is executed.
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Oh and the armour for our fantasy ladies – a chain mail bikini – really? That is going to protect so many vital areas….not. I suppose part of it is these are heroes and by default greater than us ordinary folks. Weedy heroes just aren’t the same;)
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I actually made a post about the armor in July with a funny video. Here it is for your enjoyment. 😀
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I’m reminded of this: http://nebezial.deviantart.com/art/now-you-know-410571226
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That’s brilliant.
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Reblogged this on Library of Erana and commented:
Amusing post about sexy fantasy heroes and heroines 🙂
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This was pretty funny. I particularly like the rippling muscles on the male and thong on the female. In order to appreciate these descriptions you gotta catch them undressed. Which raises a whole new story line in the Antartic.
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It should be titled ‘Frost Bite’.
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This is so funny. Liked the part about the woman being able to kick a person from across a small room. Hilarious!
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Yeah. Should have mentioned a giraffe in there.
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LOL! And don’t forget all the huge, fancy jewelry the women always wear… 😉
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Those rings give them a lethal punch.
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Good point…
And I’m sure magic or power can be stored in all those diamonds! 😉
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Maybe. Too much and the person might go insane. 🙂
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Maybe the girls should just stick with their thongs then. lol
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I hope they wear pants too. It’s winter. lol
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Oh dear, yes! And earmuffs!!!
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At least they’re usually wearing boots . . . with heels that could double as stilts.
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That is true. I have to give those girls credit. I’d need a stepstool to get into those shoes. And once I finally got them on, I surly wouldn’t be going anywhere in a hurry. I’d be lucky to walk ten feet without falling on my face. (Fine, so I’m clumsy. I know.) 🙂
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I need to find a scene where I can put Sari and Nyx in really high heels. Just to see what would happen.
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That would be pretty awesome!
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*grins*
great stuff, have you read dianna wynn jones’ toughguid to fantasyland? similarly amusing
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Haven’t read it, but I’ll put it on my ever growing to-read list. 🙂
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