This one is definitely universal. I think people can use their own personalities for this as well. Just really curious how varied the answers will be, especially if people are going to be honest.
Scenario
You tell your friend that you have a crush on someone, but you’re too scared to ask them out. Totally normal. Your friend tries to give you confidence and keeps warning you that someone else might ask your crush out if you don’t act. Fear of rejection is met by being told that you can’t tell the future. You try to convince your braver friend to talk to your crush on your behalf. They hesitate, but agree under the rule that they can’t reveal your true feelings. All you can tell from now on is that your friend and crush are hanging out a lot, which was your plan.
Then, you notice they are getting closer. Finally confronting your friend, you find out they are dating your crush. It was your crush that asked your friend out. Your friend said yes because, after getting to know your crush, they found that they have a lot in common and developed feelings. They do seem happy together, but you still have your own feelings towards your crush.
How do you feel? What do you do? Is this a betrayal or a self-fulfilling prophecy of doom?
Legends of Windemere 
This is a tough situation. But I have a question: are the friend and the object of the crush strangers who get to know each other? Or is the friend also already a friend of the object of the crush? No matter what feelings developed between the friend and the crush, the situation still seems a betrayal of trust. The friend knew how you (the one with the crush) felt and spoke to the object of the crush with that in mind. On the other hand, yes, this plan seemed doomed from the start. It might have worked if the friend and the object of the crush already were friends and had no romantic interest in each other. That way the friend could act on your behalf without feelings getting in the way. But since the friend gave a warning about someone else acting if you don’t, and that warning was ignored, what happens next is a natural outcome.
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I would say this scenario makes it that everyone knows each other on some level. The friend and the crush clearly aren’t as close as you and the crush, but they start to get that way. I think this scenario is always a challenge because its ‘action vs inaction’. The friend and crush end up developing feelings while you are clearly not going to act on yours. It does become a betrayal of trust, but would it be fair for the friend to avoid a potentially positive relationship simply because you are too scared to act? That can create anger and resentment as well, which would end the friendship. As you pointed out, the friend did give a warning and then ended up being that person. It’s a tricky situation because most people want to turn the friend and crush into the bad guys.
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I’ve seen this situation play out in real life, so it isn’t easy. It takes some acceptance on the part of the one who lost out. This is definitely a reminder to act regardless of the possibility of rejection.
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Again, ditto L. Marie. This is a great, tension-filled subject for a story or even a book. My question is: Is this a real friend to do this? If not a long-time, close friend, then it was a poor choice to tell them about your crush.
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Well said!
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Thanks!
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It could have been. Another question is: Should a person ignore their own feelings towards someone because a friend has the same and refuses to even make them known? If the friend who was told doesn’t take action then they are left in the same position as the one who doesn’t speak. Close friendship or not that can cause damage as they feel trapped by someone else’s fear.
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Good question.
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The phrase “He who hesitates is lost,” is so appropriate here. Couple that with throwing two people who might click together is the can of gas on the situation. Good friends or no asking someone to speak for you in a possible relationship is asking for trouble and disappointment.
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Pretty much sums it up. It’s interesting too. Does a friend give up their own chance at love for another friend who won’t take the risk? It really changes from person to person.
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In real life you have to let it go, but you don’t trust the “friend” and are grateful for the lesson and keep your distance.
In fiction, the betrayed swoops in to comfort the crush when old friend suffers an unfortunate “fatal accident” only to find out the crush was two timing with their best friend of the same sex.
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Why do I feel like the fictional scenario has happened in real life too?
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They say all fiction has a grain of truth. That is likely why we get reeled in so easily sometimes.
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I really liked a girl in my high school class but was afraid to talk to her. Many, many years later I was talking to a friend who knew her very well and I told them about my crush. Their reply was, “you’re lucky, she was a really mean person and not worth your time”.
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I got a situation like that. Unfortunately, I was the one who found out the girl wasn’t worth my time. Not fun being that guy.
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I would consider it a betrayal, I think. J. Marie has said what I think, too, so I won’t repeat it.
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Okay. Does seem betrayal is the big answer. Though I’m noticing women are more prone to saying a solid betrayal than men.
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I’d probably find a way to get over it. The scenario seems kind of freshman year, so there would be the inevitable team building and social circle fallout. Maybe try to have meaningless sex with the former friend’s sister.
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Funny thing is that it happens a lot with adults too. The meaningless sex too, which does sound creepy.
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I have never had a problem talking to someone I was interested in, so I don’t know how to respond to this.
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Definitely a tough situation to figure out.
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