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I think any person who has announced their dream and tried to accomplish it has been told to quit. Artists especially are routinely dragged down under the guise of saving them from themselves. They are only left alone after they quit or if they actually make a solid living off their art. Staying in-between only creates more grief because it’s impossible to avoid naysayers with the Internet. You need to market yourself on there, which means you open yourself up to the barbs.
Friends and I have talked a lot about what drives a person to do this, especially if they’re a friend or family. The latter tends to be really bad even though we hear about celebrities who made it because their family believed in them. I would say for every supportive family that helped an artist reach success there has to be at least 100 who fought to stop their loved ones from pursuing a risky path. That’s what it really comes down to in these scenarios. People know that achieving your dream in the arts is difficult, but they don’t really understand the years of work that go into it. Many expect it to be a simple act of being discovered with little to no effort by the artist, which is partially caused by fictional stories depicting this scenario. So, they end up trying to dissuade an artist from something that they don’t think they can accomplish.
People outside of the family/friends group could be acting out of bitterness for not making it themselves. There are many out there who know they failed to achieve their dreams and take out their anger on others. It can reach a point where they become happy at the failures of others, which makes them rather dangerous towards new artists who are still getting their footing.
If it isn’t bitterness then it’s a belief that nobody can make it without being born into the right family and era. You need the contacts, money, and nurturing necessary to achieve your dream even if you don’t have the talent. Sadly, there is some truth to this. Look at some of the most famous people around and how a big part of their success was being born to the right family. Nepotism and huge inheritances have created many of the big names we know of now. For anyone who fought and struggled with no success, seeing people who already have wealth and fame achieve their dream can be crushing. Personally, I’ve felt this whenever I saw ads for a celebrity publishing a fiction book or the old Top 100 lists being dominated by new editions of juggernaut franchises. It’s like the top of the heap is already full and will never have space for anyone born outside those ranks.
A reason I keep thinking about this phrase is because it had been said so much to me over the years. Sometimes by fellow authors. I fought against it for a long time, but it’s harder to ignore these days. My books don’t sell. I can’t carve out any time for editing or writing because life is too busy. Probably be that way for years if it ever changes. I know people have told me that I’ll get back into it, but what kind of skills or drive will I have left if I give up for a few years. The spark of creativity isn’t eternal. It needs to be fed and kept alive or it will die. Whatever comes back probably won’t be as potent, especially if you reach an age where your mental facilities aren’t as sharp. God knows Covid did a number on my brain a few years back, so I don’t want to know what it’ll be like if I wait a few years to let aging and stress join in the fun. All of this makes me feel like there is a time limit on how long one can pursue their dreams. At least these days where retirement doesn’t look like a possibility, which means that avenue is closed off.
So, I wonder if the people who told me quit have finally gotten their way. I’ve said this before and even pointed out that there are some who actually sabotaged me in the past with pretty good success. With work and parenting taking up so much time, I can’t recover what I lost. By the time things even remotely settle, the publishing landscape will have changed and I’ll be back at square one. Even now, there isn’t much attention given to indie publishing in the public eye. All I hear people talk about are the usual franchises that have sucked most of the oxygen out of their connected genres. It’s sad to think that the statement in the title is almost an inevitability for the majority of artists.
That’s really it here. I’m sure people will have other opinions and be more positive than I am. For me, it took me 2 months to type in edits this summer. This is just reading my books, editing, and typing in the changes. Not full on writing. So, it isn’t that I want to quit. It’s that I’m not being given much of a choice
Legends of Windemere 
It always amazes/saddens/angers me that people are quick to tell authors to stop writing, when the same people enjoy the fruit of others’ writing, whether in a video game, a movie, a book, a stage play—whatever. And the notion that, “Oh well, this person or group sold this piece of writing so that’s different” is a weak answer, because people don’t know the history of the video game/movie/book/stage play. It didn’t just spring into the form it is now without probably hundreds of no’s or criticisms, or negative people saying, “Quit. This won’t sell. You won’t make it.”
I’m not naïve. I’ve literally had hundreds of rejections and people saying in various ways to quit or why bother. (That is not an exaggeration. I stopped counting years ago at 260 for just a handful of books.) I had a whole series go out of print in one year. I’m still writing though. I’m not saying that this decision is for everybody. I have friends who can’t write much of anything because of family obligations.
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I think people are quick to support an established stranger. They think it’s a sign of success or a simple stamp of approval that these creators have stuff out there. When they see an artist they know starting out, they don’t make the connection to those who made it already. They really do think artists appear out of nowhere.
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I have discovered that no one is an overnight success. I know an author who, because he was given an award for a book, people assumed that he was an overnight success because they hadn’t heard of him before that. He mentioned he’d been writing for over a decade and had books that went out of print. All artists have to start from somewhere.
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A pet peeve of mine is that a movie star can write a book and get a big-time publisher with no work at all. (The book is usually co-authored) Okay, I’ll give it to them that their name will sell the books, but come on. As opposed to other advice, I’m saying, don’t quit. The pace may be slower, but you should stick to it. You have more to say in your writing.
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Don’t forget singers and politicians getting big publishing contracts. It’s almost like to be an author, one needs to become famous somewhere else.
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Yes. A pet peeve for sure.
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My peeve, too, John. There seems to be a plethora of ‘celebrities’ writing now. How many are actually written by said celebrity, though, and not a ghost writer?
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I’ll bet most are by a ghost writer. Thanks, Viv.
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I’m not going to make it either, but I’m not going to quit. Whatever “make it” actually means. This process gives me joy. I am resigned to my fate to the point that I do very little promotion today. Writing still gives me a boost that nothing else does. Those rare few who find my work all seem to enjoy it and that keeps me motivated.
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I believe ‘make it’ refers to making money or at least a side income. This results in people trying to actively discourage and stop the artist.
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I find that many people who read my books are people like you, Craig, whom I know from the internet. Not many folk outside my online acquaintances read my books, I don’t think. Not even friends and family.
But I’ve enjoyed the books of yours I’ve read and I’m glad you’re not giving up.
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Thank you.
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Your books deserve to be read much wider, Charles. I hope you don’t give up. So what if you write slower? I write slowly. I’ve stopped stressing about times when I’m unable to write because of other things. People will just have to wait for my next book.
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I think people see slow authors, who aren’t already famous, as unmotivated. They don’t understand that there are other life factors that those who make a full living off writing have already transcended.
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Yes, like life! Most authors don’t have the luxury of doing nothing but write.
I’m retired, but I still have jobs to do (like the ironing in the washing basket and cooking meals etc.) and family commitments, as well as simply going out sometimes.
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Some writers do seem to have more free time than others. I remember when I was doing the stay-at-home stuff. Chores and errands took time, but I could still get a lot of writing in.
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Buy earplugs, Charles, so you don’t have to listen to the naysayers. I am not a huge success as a writer although people are always amazed when I tell them how many books are under my belt. Perhaps because I am older (than dirt), I remember why I write – for my own enjoyment and the thrill of seeing what my little gray cells can do when unleashed. DO NOT give up. Writing is a vital part of your life.
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If only it was that easy. Some people are fairly aggressive in their pushing for artists to quit.
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For your own mental well-being, do not listen to them.
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My husband resents my writing. He doesn’t believe I’m any good, even though he’s never read a word I’ve written. But in spite of this, I still keep pressing on.
Don’t give up, please.
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Sorry for that.
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I think there’s something to be said for giving yourself a rest and prioritizing other parts of your life. Being frustrated and/or guilty for not writing more can’t be helpful.
At the same time, your boy is growing up. Unless he is going to be permanently disabled and unable to live on his own (which I have no idea about) then he will be more independent within a few short years. You won’t have to communicate with your ex when Kid is able to make his own decisions.
In fact, without a dependent child, perhaps you will even be able to have a place of your own again. At that time, you may find your muse comes roaring back.
I guess my advice would be to dream and plan for what you WANT your life to be like. Then see if you can set up savings or take other steps toward that goal — without telling anyone! Don’t let them nay-say you into giving up.
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Honestly, I think you’re putting too much blame on the parenting side of my life. I only have my son for half the week. One would assume I could write when I don’t have him. Yet, that isn’t the case. It’s the adults who are around that end up being the real time thieves. I have no place to call my own, so I can’t escape and avoid others unless I leave the house for the ENTIRE day. That’s not any better because the library isn’t the bastion of silence it used to be and there’s nowhere else to go. These same adults who invade my time as if I’m just waiting for them are the same telling me to quit because I’m not writing.
As far as saving up money, I make enough to pay bills and cover an occasional ‘fun’ purchase. Money has gotten even tighter though because of a few changes at work. So, there are no savings to set up. There is no chance of me getting out in the foreseeable future. This is the reality for many people my age who were unfortunate enough to not gain stability prior to the 2010’s.
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I feel for you.
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