War of Nytefall: Eradication Blurb Test

Normally, I do three blurbs for three different sites.  Right now, I’m only doing one for Amazon because money is limited.  That and I saw nothing come from doing the three blurbs last time.  Maybe I’ll do them down the road, but I’m doing the basic stuff for now.

Here’s the blurb:

As Dawn Fangs are found dead across Windemere, the vampiric ruler of Nytefall will remember what it is to be afraid.

With the truce between Nyte and Nytefall nearing its end, an old enemy has emerged to rekindle the vampires’ most ancient feud. A Duragian priest is on the move and he is wielding a weapon with the power to depower and kill Dawn Fangs. This follower the Sun God has claimed enough victims that Lord Tempest wants the weapon for himself and Clyde is beginning to worry that his fledgling kingdom is in danger of extinction. When it becomes clear that the mysterious relic and Clyde’s transformation into the first Dawn Fang are connected, he will be forced to face a past that he can barely remember.

Will Clyde defend his people, his life, and the child he does not know is on the way from the terrifying Fist of Durag?

(What do you think?  Also, feel free to volunteer for the blog tour if you haven’t already.)

About Charles Yallowitz

Charles E. Yallowitz was born, raised, and educated in New York. Then he spent a few years in Florida, realized his fear of alligators, and moved back to the Empire State. When he isn't working hard on his epic fantasy stories, Charles can be found cooking or going on whatever adventure his son has planned for the day. 'Legends of Windemere' is his first series, but it certainly won't be his last.
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22 Responses to War of Nytefall: Eradication Blurb Test

  1. Missed a word, Charles – This follower (of) the Sun God …
    Also, instead of:
    Will Clyde defend his people, his life, and the child he does not know is on the way from the terrifying Fist of Durag?
    I suggest:
    What can Clyde do against the terrifying Fist of Durag?
    (Because we know Clyde will do something, but not WHAT he’ll do).
    BTW count me in on the blog tour 😎


  2. Since I am brand new to the series, I don’t know who or what a Dawn Fangs is. If I’m perusing books and see “As Dawn Fangs are found dead . . . ” then I would move on because I’m already confused. Is Dawn the name of a woman? If so, it’d be “As Dawn Fangs is . . ..”

    If Dawn Fangs is a people, then a descriptive would help. “As the people of Dawn Fangs . . ..”

    The second paragraph drew me in better, except I did stumble over “the power to depower.” I really like the last sentence of the second paragraph!

    To tighten things up, in the very last sentence you could change “and the child he does not know is on the way” to “and his unborn child” or “and a mysterious child . . ..”


    • Thanks. The thing is that this is the 4th of a series, so taking extra time to say the Dawn Fangs are vampires doesn’t sit well with me. I’ve run into a few problems where I mention vampires, people jump to conclusions that don’t work with Dawn Fangs and I find myself in the same spot. This is always a challenge when it comes to later parts of a series because the blurbs need to reveal that it is the continuation of a story and the basic details should be already known. I could say ‘Dawn Fang vampires’, so I hope that works.

      Mysterious child implies that the baby has been born. With unborn child, it doesn’t clarify that he spends most of the book not knowing he’s going to be a father.


    • How about this ‘As Dawn Fang vampires are found dead across Windemere, their infamous leader will remember what it is to be afraid’? I can’t have vampire and vampiric in the same sentence. My only hope here is that people don’t think the vampires are the bad guys and they’re rooting for the hunters because the story is the opposite scenario.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Chris threw out all the things I spotted. Sounds good to me.


  4. I like the blurb and will volunteer.


  5. V.M.Sang says:

    I like the blurb, too, and volunteer for the blog tour.


  6. Charles,
    I defer to the other comments as to the mechanics. The blurb itself makes me want to read the book, so job well done.


  7. Everyone else covered the technical issues, so I’ll just say it does the job of making me want to read the book. Although, having read the previous ones, I did already. Still, it has gotten me excited about the upcoming release.

    I’ve said this before, but just a reminder: count me in for a promo post.


  8. Couple of small suggestions:

    “This follower the sun god” no doubt should be a follower OF the sun god.

    “Will Clyde defend his people…” I would make it “HOW will Clyde defend his people… when he himself is most at risk?”


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