D&D Illusionist
Welcome to our little corner of reality where all of your dreams can come true for a little bit of time. Want to live the life of an adventurer without facing real monsters? Just fill out this form and the open road awaits in our specially designed rooms. They shift beneath the customer, so that they don’t hit the walls and can’t go wandering into anything dangerous. Of course there’s always a risk, but we take every precaution necessary to make sure we have repeat customers. What brings you to us?
Normal life illusions . . . I’d like to say that’s a rarity, but it’s more common than you may realize. Judging by your scars and size, I’d say you’re either an adventurer or a mercenary who has seen a lot. Probably think the world is harsh and you don’t deserve any real sense of happiness. Well, you just described half of our clientele and we consider ourselves privileged to help you out. This big packet is what you need because normal lives are very complicated. House, spouse, job, and so many other things are needed to make sure you don’t rationalize your way out of it.
Farming is a fun one and covers a lot of the details, but it will cost extra. Are you aiming to work with crops, livestock, or both? Corn and apples are an interesting combination. We have a sale on crops where you can pick one fruit, one vegetable, and a citrus for a quarter off the total. Doesn’t matter if they need different types of land and weather since it’s all an illusion and you wouldn’t know any better. For livestock, we have a wide variety of animals that work well together. Giraffes? Not really sure what you would do with them since they aren’t used for wool, meat, or milk. Have goats too and you can rent them out for landscaping? You put a lot of thought into that idea, so I’m going to give you a curiosity discount on that. It means, I really want to see what you do and I’m willing to sacrifice a bit of money to satisfy myself.
How about the spouse? Oh, you brought us a picture, which makes things a lot easier. I do wish you brought us a color one though. Her hair is . . . black with white streaks. She has a thin tail that has a kink in the middle. What about personality? Guess you like them feisty and . . . she’s your commanding officer in the mercenary crew. May I point out that we do have a couples package if you ever attempt to turn your dreams into reality. She isn’t married, is she? No, well that’s a weight off my conscience. Do you want her to be a trained fighter in this too? Sure, take your time thinking about that. Yes, we do allow for x-rated encounters in your illusions and there are spells to give you true privacy. This does mean you will have to answer the kid section, so we know where you want those events to go.
Now, everything else in the packet are fine details that you can go over with one of our designers. Be very specific because our people will take liberties if you give the the opportunity. We always like to have some fun. Oh, before you go back there, I need you to sign these forms. Standard safety ones that say we are not responsible for any cuts, bruises, broken bones, internal bleeding, and bouts of insanity. This final form builds on that last one a bit. Just sign at the bottom to make sure you know the mental risk and . . . I did say there was a risk when we started. Didn’t say we could do much about the physical one. Do you have a preferred asylum we can call in worst case scenario?
Legends of Windemere 
Different spin on the olde shoppe tales. Giraffe rancher, he would certainly corner the market.
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Took a little tweaking to figure out how to work this. We definitely need giraffe ranchers. Just read that they’re at risk of extinction. Though I don’t know why the article didn’t simply say that they were being marked as endangered.
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So do you dehorn the giraffes? He’ll need a step ladder at branding time too. Earth is in the midst of a huge extinction event. I don’t believe 100% of it is human caused, but reducing our population would help. I choose peaceful means like reducing the number of children we produce.
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I don’t think the horns are dangerous enough for dehorning. I’d be more worried about the neck and hooves. Giraffe fights are brutal. It’s scary that a mass extinction is happening. I would say a good chunk of it is caused by human actions, but there are some species that simply didn’t adapt. The reducing number of children is a tough one. It brings up the question of ‘who is allowed to breed?’
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I think everyone. Two humans make one kid, and no more. The population goes down. It took hundreds of years to get here, and it could make a huge difference in two generations.
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One problem with that is war. Humans are violent and many die of unnatural causes. That means bloodlines and large chunks of generations can easily be wiped out. Would a couple be allowed to have another kid if something happens? This is sounding odd.
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No idea, I’m not in charge. I know that overpopulation is almost the answer to every global problem we have. From logging the rain forest to over harvesting the oceans, overpopulation seems to be at the root. I think even the turmoil in the inner cities could be from a lack of elbow room.
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I can just see population control being abused. The rich and influential get to have more kids because they’re ‘better stock’ while the poor are banned from breeding. Accidental pregnancies are met with punishments. Technically, there are already too many humans, so you would really need a generation or two to not breed at all. This is why I think it’s more likely that nature will rebalance itself. Probably at our expense. M
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I think nature has started the process. If you watch the news, we’re already tearing each other apart.
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Yup. Makes one wonder if human society was ever sustainable.
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There’s probably a book in this conversation somewhere.
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Fiction or nonfiction?
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I think we’re both fiction guys.
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I kind of have an old story like this. Humans created so much pollution that the planet unleashed giant beasts as punishment. The survivors are forced to live in shielded cities. The whole thing was about empty monsters being controlled by kids to fight the other ones. Heavily influenced by an odd anime.
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Reminds me of Pacific Rim to a degree. I like the whole kaiju thing myself. It’s part of what made Godzilla great, there was a warning weaved into the story.
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That’s another reason I might keep it shelved. Unless I figure out how to work it into Windemere. Like just an island or something.
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You can start with a modern world, unless you want to include it elsewhere. Maybe Dawn could bring it about.
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It was modern before, but that type of world is becoming common. Dawn . . . She’s giving me enough trouble today.
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Hilarious! Reminds me of the old Harvest Moon and Rune Factory games I played on the DS, which involved growing corn and odd mixtures of fruits and vegetables. 🙂
I would love some giraffes. If you could somehow make them predatory, that would be fun. 🙂
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A carnivorous giraffe would be terrifying. No climbing trees to escape that one.
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Very true! They would make the adventure all the more exciting!
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Underground would be the only option.
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Laughed out loud. Thanks, Charles.
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Glad you liked it. 😀
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I have a soft stop for your shoppes!
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They are a breath of fresh air. 😉
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Sometime you need to do a story about who is running this company or companies, how they got into the business, etc.
Also, have you read any of Bruce Coville’s magic shop books? Your son might be around the right age to enjoy them.
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I’ve heard of those, but haven’t read any. Tough to go by my son since he still has a lot of trouble reading on his own. As for the Olde Shoppe owners, I might do a post that reveals more. Maybe their franchise pitch.
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Maybe read one to him? I did that with my son when he was stressed. He would settle and be snuggled against me when we read a story.
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I’ll give it a shot. Mommy has him on a Roald Dahl kick. 😄
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nice post
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Thanks.
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