Alternate Reality: Illusions Are Our Business

D&D Illusionist

D&D Illusionist

Welcome to our little corner of reality where all of your dreams can come true for a little bit of time.  Want to live the life of an adventurer without facing real monsters?  Just fill out this form and the open road awaits in our specially designed rooms.  They shift beneath the customer, so that they don’t hit the walls and can’t go wandering into anything dangerous.  Of course there’s always a risk, but we take every precaution necessary to make sure we have repeat customers.  What brings you to us?

Normal life illusions . . . I’d like to say that’s a rarity, but it’s more common than you may realize.  Judging by your scars and size, I’d say you’re either an adventurer or a mercenary who has seen a lot.  Probably think the world is harsh and you don’t deserve any real sense of happiness.  Well, you just described half of our clientele and we consider ourselves privileged to help you out.  This big packet is what you need because normal lives are very complicated.  House, spouse, job, and so many other things are needed to make sure you don’t rationalize your way out of it.

Farming is a fun one and covers a lot of the details, but it will cost extra.  Are you aiming to work with crops, livestock, or both?  Corn and apples are an interesting combination.  We have a sale on crops where you can pick one fruit, one vegetable, and a citrus for a quarter off the total. Doesn’t matter if they need different types of land and weather since it’s all an illusion and you wouldn’t know any better.  For livestock, we have a wide variety of animals that work well together.  Giraffes?  Not really sure what you would do with them since they aren’t used for wool, meat, or milk.  Have goats too and you can rent them out for landscaping?  You put a lot of thought into that idea, so I’m going to give you a curiosity discount on that.  It means, I really want to see what you do and I’m willing to sacrifice a bit of money to satisfy myself.

How about the spouse?  Oh, you brought us a picture, which makes things a lot easier.  I do wish you brought us a color one though.  Her hair is . . . black with white streaks.  She has a thin tail that has a kink in the middle.  What about personality?  Guess you like them feisty and . . . she’s your commanding officer in the mercenary crew.  May I point out that we do have a couples package if you ever attempt to turn your dreams into reality.  She isn’t married, is she?  No, well that’s a weight off my conscience.  Do you want her to be a trained fighter in this too?  Sure, take your time thinking about that.  Yes, we do allow for x-rated encounters in your illusions and there are spells to give you true privacy.  This does mean you will have to answer the kid section, so we know where you want those events to go.

Now, everything else in the packet are fine details that you can go over with one of our designers.  Be very specific because our people will take liberties if you give the the opportunity.  We always like to have some fun.  Oh, before you go back there, I need you to sign these forms.  Standard safety ones that say we are not responsible for any cuts, bruises, broken bones, internal bleeding, and bouts of insanity.  This final form builds on that last one a bit.  Just sign at the bottom to make sure you know the mental risk and . . . I did say there was a risk when we started.  Didn’t say we could do much about the physical one.  Do you have a preferred asylum we can call in worst case scenario?

About Charles Yallowitz

Charles E. Yallowitz was born, raised, and educated in New York. Then he spent a few years in Florida, realized his fear of alligators, and moved back to the Empire State. When he isn't working hard on his epic fantasy stories, Charles can be found cooking or going on whatever adventure his son has planned for the day. 'Legends of Windemere' is his first series, but it certainly won't be his last.
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32 Responses to Alternate Reality: Illusions Are Our Business

  1. Different spin on the olde shoppe tales. Giraffe rancher, he would certainly corner the market.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. L. Marie says:

    Hilarious! Reminds me of the old Harvest Moon and Rune Factory games I played on the DS, which involved growing corn and odd mixtures of fruits and vegetables. 🙂

    I would love some giraffes. If you could somehow make them predatory, that would be fun. 🙂


  3. Laughed out loud. Thanks, Charles.


  4. I have a soft stop for your shoppes!


  5. Sometime you need to do a story about who is running this company or companies, how they got into the business, etc.

    Also, have you read any of Bruce Coville’s magic shop books? Your son might be around the right age to enjoy them.


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