I’ve been quiet all weekend. Part of it is because I’ve been rushing around since Friday. Train show and zoo on that day. Family over for Thanksgiving on Saturday. Today was nature preserve and cursing at the TV for 2 hours. I haven’t been sleeping well either and tuning in for 100 emails at a time hasn’t been pretty. So I went quiet . . . but not really for any of what I just said.
Seems I’m always saying I’m tired, depressed, or something negative here. Yet I never do much to pull out of the emotional hole. In fact, I tend to make it worse with some help from those around me. (I swear to fucking GOD, I will block phone numbers if I get real world responses to this!) I’m stressed and pessimistic. Some people might have even picked up on me phoning in my comments for most of the last 2 months. Crossing Bedlam pushed it away for a bit, but then it came back. Rather terrified that Legends of Windemere: The Spirit Well suffered from this, but there’s supposed to be some depressing and angry scenes in there. Now I’m just rambling.
It could be because I have no goals or guidance without a project. It could be that I have no privacy, which is proven by my son charging in to throw toys at me. *5 minute delay for kid wrangling* It could be because I’ve no idea when I’ll release the next Windemere book and my hope to do it before Christmas is looking unlikely. Too many missing pieces. Maybe it’s one of several other things like the weather, bad sleeping habits, financial situation, or whatever else is on the list. Probably everything combined is making me feel like my life is not even remotely under my control and the universe is out to remind me that I shouldn’t try to be anything special. Too dark? Well that’s what it definitely feels like this year. Nearly every aspect of my life seems to have taken a hit in some form and I can’t pinpoint a point of origin or a plan of escape.
This isn’t really a goal post. I have no goals this week. Don’t even have the urge to pick a video for this thing. No idea what to do for Teaser Tuesday or Questions 3. Have nothing to schedule for January. All of the posts for December are revisits. My break might be more of a deflation. There might be days where I’m quiet on here. You’ll see me on Twitter, but it’ll mostly be retweeting and tossing out a promo every 5-6 hours. Will this damage whatever I’ve built as an indie author? No idea, but I’m not sure I should keep limping along and phoning stuff in. The angst, anger, and sadness are a little too easy to spot at times.
Later or something.
Legends of Windemere 
Pressing ‘like’ seems inappropriate.It happens. 😦
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Yeah. They should change the name to ‘agree’ or something.
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Or in this case, ‘I know what you mean’…
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Perhaps it should just be a collection of emoticons or something.
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That’s probably more appropriate.
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Sure wish I could make you feel better, but know it won’t happen. Okay, I love Compass Key.
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Thanks. The thing is that I’ve gotten a few recent reviews and compliments, but nothing seems to be punching through the gloom. One of the reasons I went silent this weekend. Though this had the whole thing of feeling like I abandoned people, so I’m just defining myself as a mental train wreck.
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I personally think you ought to take a little time and let yourself be a mental train wreck with no consequences. I don’t think anyone will feel abandoned. This my opinion and can be totally ignored.
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I keep wondering if I should. The tough part is that I fear losing momentum. The books have cooled a lot this year and I wonder if stepping away entirely would kill them. With the wife still job hunting, I feel like I’m staring at the end of my indie author run. That’s probably a big source of the issues.
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You actually have enough done to go a year with just promotion and edits. I don’t think the series will cool. You will simply be metering the books out.(okay throw in a couple of novellas). You could take this time to rest and regroup for another three years of concentrated writing. Maybe some of your readers would like to catch up and be current with your discussions. I wonder how many of your regular readers have read all eight books so far. It would be cool to somehow get a reading on the pace of your launches. Speaking for myself I am on book four since I have other TBR stuff to do. That doesn’t make me less of a fan it just means I can’t be engaged in discussions of the current book since I’m taking them serially. I see your indie career just beginning. I know I’m not able to really understand how you feel but think you have too much talent to be discouraged.
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Sadly, I don’t think I can ever have enough to take a year off. Not until the series is done. Those that are caught up get left in the lurch and might not come back. This is one of the reasons many authors think the best promotions are releasing new books. Then again, I’ve no idea when the next book will be coming out.
I try to avoid setting up discussions that people can’t step into. One thing I’ve found in the past is that who are still on the earlier books can bring up interesting insights into what the characters are currently doing. As far as how far most people are, I think most are either in the first 2-3 or never started. It’s really a tough call because the books inevitably fall into a trickle and that means very little money for bills and promos. Another source of stress.
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Totally understand. 🙂
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I understand. Completely. It happens. It comes in waves I’ve discovered. There will be an upswing soon and things will get better. One of the things I’ve discovered that helps me is making sure I sit down every day and write in my private journal a list of things I want to accomplish in the day and making sure to follow up in said journal with a real post. It takes pressure off the creativity, at least for me. It’s a suggestion.
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I’ve been wondering about that upswing. Mostly that I’ve forced too many of those and it’s resulted in a longer downswing. Never kept a journal, but all of my notebooks are filled with story ideas. So that’s what it would end up getting absorbed by anyway.
You mention accomplishing stuff every day. What does one do if they’re on a break to regather energy? Does that situation make the ‘funk’ last longer?
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No, what I end up doing is meditation and reading a lot, especially if I’m trying to recover emotional and spiritual energy. When I don’t want to read, I make sure to use my hands, especially if I’m having problems meditating. Usually I knit – and there is nothing wrong with a man knitting either. Men used to knit while out at sea because there weren’t any women around to do so – and watch something funny on TV simultaneously. It isn’t easy finding that pivotal point to head on the upswing, but you can, and, I believe, you will. There are people who are around to support you through this. It will be OK.
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Thanks. Though I’ve learned I lack the talent and coordination for knitting. The TV thing I can do. 🙂
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Totally been where you are. My hopes are for something positive to happen for you and your family.
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Fingers crossed. Would love to end 2015 on a high note. Preferably one that isn’t the result of a universal groin shot. (At least I still have some sense of humor, dark as it may be.)
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It hits us all at one point Charles. The holidays with no time for yourself doesn’t help. You’ll get through it I know! ~Elle 😉
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Worst part is that Hanukkah starts on Sunday, which goes close to Christmas. There’s very little time between events and that doesn’t even bring up the 2 week break that the munchkin has.
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Those munchkin breaks can take a toil on your workday, can’t they?
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It’s one of the reasons I try not to do big projects around them. Though I won’t have much of a choice next year. He has 3 long breaks during February through April. Winter, Easter, and Spring Recesses.
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Whatever you need to do, we will be here.
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Thanks. 🙂
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Just wanted to say Hang in there! And dont beat yourself to hard or reprimend yourself for being to dark and/or negative, some of the situations in your life are new and you got caught by surprise. I think its healthier to approach it with a natural reaction, than pretend and boil inside.
On another note, my younger brother had a leg injury and looks like he is gonna have to bed rest for a while. He is the total opposite of me and only reads books on Kindle, so I am thinking starting him on your series as a new years eve gift?Oh, he also got grounded cause he dont smile when he wakes up in the morning (guess we aint that differen in everything!)
Once again, hang in there, and I hope things go for the better asap!
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Did the pretend and boil thing when younger. Don’t think people realize how long term damaging that can be. Just kind of festers and comes out as something else. Sorry to hear about your brother and hope he heals quickly. Curious how one can get grounded for not smiling.
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I’m with Sue – hitting the like button didn’t seem appropriate. I don’t like that you’re feeling that way. Not at all. If I can help out in any way, let me know. I can guest post, throw suggestions for the three questions your way…whatever. I’ve just fought my way back from a pretty dark place so I get it. We just have to keep beating the damn thing back any way we can.
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Thanks. Not sure what can be done. I’m not really in the mood to ask for suggestions. Mostly because I always seem to get similar requests and it’s making me feel like I’m unable to provide for my own blog. Feel like I’ve done that every other month and I shouldn’t be putting the burden of topic choice on my friends. There’s a poetry route, I guess. Another issue is probably that without knowing when my next book will come out, I have no idea which month will get the Hype posts. Then again, I should probably set something up in January for Bedlam. My goal is to release that one in February. Fingers crossed.
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Fingers and toes crossed! January sounds like a plan for Bedlam – it’s usually a good month in terms of catching attention. And the poetry route sounds good.
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I’ll probably be using Tuesday Teasers for it in that month and the final week for topics. The actual date is going to be February 5th or 12th. Trying to decide on if I want to go dark side and try to promote alongside the Deadpool movie. He was one of the inspirations for Lloyd.
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That sounds like a fabulous idea. I think you should definitely do that. Lloyd certainly has a distinct flair and the comparison will help with the whole fourth wall side of things. In my opinion at least. It’s one of my favourite things when characters talk to the reader and the Deadpool promotion is going to be fun.
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It’s a risk though. By connecting to an established fandom, you pull in comparisons and that could be occupationally fatal. I’ve seen a lot of fantasy authors promote themselves as the next Game of Thrones and those fans tear them down. Might just make an inspiration post instead of anything big.
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That’s a good point. I do think people can relate to the similarities between characters, instead of a direct comparison to a well known story. Then again, thinking about all the comparisons to Sherlock Holmes out there, it’s easy to shoot yourself in the foot!
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You also have to factor in that people seem to enjoy tearing things down these days. People love pouncing on something and seeing if they can stand on top of its corpse. So a story that appears to ‘threaten’ something they enjoy becomes a target. It’s such a weird mentality and habit that one sees almost entirely on the Internet.
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Yes. I think we’ve all had difficult experiences in terms of negativity online. Thankfully the positive energy from our friends makes up for it. That said, you’re right about taking care when planning a new release. I totally get that. My novels are like my babies! 😀
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I’ve been there before. A labor of love becomes a death march, and finally a spiral into gloom. I finished drafting The Playground in May. I picked it back up two weeks ago and haven’t finished my first editing pass. I decided to concentrate on the labor of love part. I’d like to see more sales, like everyone else. There is more to me than writing, and I intend to keep a slice of that for myself. The time off was great, and I’m chomping at the bit to start the next project. I refuse to budge until my new keyboard arrives.
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Not sure I would call this a death march or gloom. The source of stress is more from the unknown aspects, which are beyond my full control. The writing and outlining parts have always been labor of loves. Even the editing runs. So I’m not sure what’s going on here. Maybe the fact that there isn’t much more to me than writing is a problem.
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That could be true. Maybe you need to paint the living room, or catch a fish. All the best figuring it out.
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Thanks. We only have ocean fishing around here and it’s expensive. Definitely more money than I remember from when I was a kid. Just need one or two things to fall into place to relax even remotely.
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I’m sorry you’re in a dark place. I really feel your pain – Pearseus: Endgame is taking much longer to complete than originally expected. I deal with it by working on other projects simultaneously, much like you have with Bedlam and a certain horror side-project 😉
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That horror side-project caught me off guard. Part of me is considering reading/editing Bedlam during the time my son has his Holiday Break. I won’t be able to do much else and it could clear the path for Book 13 in January. Also it’s a fun story that I can work on during times he’s playing or distracted or asleep.
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I’m in awe of your concentration, and how you can turn writing on and off at will!
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*points at notebooks next to him* Not really turning it off. Honestly, it never truly goes off. Even if the fingers stop working, the mind keeps going.
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Scarily familiar 🙂
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I’m sorry to hear you’re in such a ‘funk’. There’s no answer we can come up with to really help you since it’s something you have to work out alone. The trouble is it’s a matter of degrees and we’ve all been there to one degree or another.
I’ve been there and remain there and not been able to write for some time but I think you still have the writing in you. You’re quite right that the best promotion is always another book but it has to come from you naturally and not forced.
I hope you find a happy path you can take before this year is over Charles. Sincere Good Luck.
Hugs
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One of the frustrating things is that I do have another book. Just not all the parts one needs for publishing, so I’m in stasis until that happens. This break was supposed to help me recover my energy and sanity, but it seems to always be one big event or problem after another. This has been the theme of the year too. So it’s a lot having built up over time and there’s nowhere to go for some alone time without risking a headache when I get back. Not sure if that vague explanation makes sense.
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Sorry to hear you’re feeling so down, Charles. Like Sue, I don’t feel right hitting the ‘Like’ button, as there is nothing to like about such a situation. I’ve been there too and the only thing that has helped is time and space to make sense of it all. Wishing you both, plus some lighter times ahead. xx
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I’m really wondering if the creators of the ‘like’ button ever considered that people would write this kind of stuff. Though they probably don’t care as they dance with their millions of dollars. Space is always the challenge around here.
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I wonder that too – often I agree with posts yet the content is not ‘likeable’, as in this instance. I also think a ‘Dislike’ button would come in very handy. And an ‘I agree wholeheartedly’ button. Perhaps we need to make some millions ourselves with these innovations – where to start though 😉 Hope your day is improving somewhat.
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I heard FB was doing a dislike button, but that can be a problem too. One never knows what it means. Do you dislike the topic, poster, or what? People seem to use the like button as a substitute for an opinion.
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Yes, I agree – it is certainly open to abuse and misinterpretation. We need more specific buttons! Or, you know, we could just leave a comment, which I think is your point 😀
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Yup. The fun of conversation. 🙂
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I agree with Sue. But I went ahead and pressed like. This has been a tough year for you. Sending you best wishes.
I hear you though. This weekend was very tough for me too. Depression and I are unfortunately acquainted.
Praying for a breakthrough for both of us.
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Thanks and I hope you have a positive end of the year. Maybe 2016 will be better. Then again, it’s an election year and I’m already seeing friends and family begin fighting.
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Same here. I’m already looking forward to 2017. 😦 The fights will be over by then.
Hoping we can finish 2015 strong.
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At least the fights won’t be as severe or taking up commercial time.
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Reading this post reminded me how daunting and lonely writing can be. Try to focus on your accomplishments, because through those successes you reconfirm you can do anything you
set your mind to. Best of luck. The new year will bring a new perspective. Hopefully, 2016 will be your best year.
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Thanks. It does get hard to focus on the positive. Especially when there are people wanting to point out where you went wrong.
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