This was a busy week with the little guy home, my exile stopping last Sunday, school supply run, a full day at the zoo, and other adventures that ended up being outside. I think I caught a bug or overdid the heat because Friday saw my stomach turning in its resignation for the afternoon. Playing a video game with a wildly swinging camera might have been the final nail in the coffin.
I’m still trying to gather my energy too. Seems I get knocked back down pretty easily, which has me somewhat worried. This year has been exhausting for some reason and my stress levels rarely drop to normal. There’s always a crisis or a delay or something that is driving me nuts. It’s like something always goes wrong, which is probably how the world should go. Yet it has me wondering about something that is kind of dark and I’m sure will get me in trouble on this side of the computer.
So to any of my lurkers that end up coming at me in the non-Internet world, you should probably skip the next paragraph:
Is it possible for a person to be miserable and negative for so long that they become incapable of being truly happy? I’m talking that the emotion becomes a source of anxiety because you’re just waiting for it to get taken away. The ground has been ripped out from under you so often that you prefer the plummeting to the stability. Only because you don’t really remember any other way. The white fluffy clouds of life always transform into acid rain even when you try hard to keep them clean. It gets worse when the people around you are on your case about always being negative. They either avoid you or criticize you because you’re a downer. So you put on a smile and try to create a positive outlook by being confident about your path and happy about something. Then these same people step in to tell you why you shouldn’t be so positive and act like you not planning for the worst case scenario. Spend a little over half of your life being told you’re either too negative or shouldn’t be so happy. We’ll see how you come out and how you handle happiness, delays of events, and stress. So again, I wonder if it’s possible for a person to almost get a phobia of happiness and simply not know what to do with it if it ever turns up. Even worse, a person believing they aren’t meant to have it.
Now back to whatever else I was going to write.
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I got a little outlining and character creation done. I might be doing this throughout the week since my son has decided that I’m not allowed to read without him being involved. This turns into him stealing the bookmark, wrestling with my feet, or crawling into my lap to block my view of the book. He knows to leave the writing stuff alone, but I laugh too much at these antics for him to believe I want him to stop. I will be thinking about another story/series/stuff this week. That post might take the place of Teaser Tuesday since I don’t know what to put there. With The Merchant of Nevra Coil delayed, I don’t really have an urge to put more of it out there. We’ll see if I get a last minute desire. For now, I’m leaning toward putting some thought into the other idea(s) and making a Work In Progress post. Although those don’t usually do well.
In fact, this month has been terrible in terms of blog and sale numbers. I don’t check nearly as often as I used to, so I might be missing a few things. My focus is on getting my head together for writing 2 more stories this year. One is the action/comedy/post-apocalyptic thing and the other is Book 12 of Legends of Windemere. That means I’ll only have 3 books to go on the big series in terms of first drafts. It also brings up the question of the post-adventure book. There will be a loose end as long as things stay as they are, which means a single book to tie it up. Unfortunately, this would reveal the ending of the series. So I don’t know if I should do this one or move on to the Windemere vampires. I guess one thing is that you’ll know the fates of some characters, but not see it in action. It’s a tough spot.
I’ll finish here. There’s no goal list because my son is still home. There are no official plans because we’re going to fly by the seat of our pants. Now to add some various videos and head out for a play date.
Legends of Windemere 
This a phase of life. I’m sure you will face the storms and come out as a victor.
Happy Sunday!!
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Thanks. Kind of hoping this phase will finish though. Been far too long.
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Hmmm. Don’t have words of encouragement on the double hit (so negative and why so happy don’t you know the sky is falling?) and so I’ll just say keep on writing.
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Thanks. I’ll probably still be on a writing hiatus for the week. With the next project being an experiment, I don’t want to put much space between writing sessions.
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I’ve been off since May. Need to get back as well.
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That’s a lengthy break. Starting a new series?
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I have finished a new book. Not sure it is a series. I have been working on edits and am self publishing the second and third John Cannon books. Did not know how much work I needed to do.
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It’s amazing how many things turn up when self-publishing. Good luck and I’ll always be happy to help if you need it.
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Thank you. I will be doing an intro tour so I’ll be calling for volunteers.
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I believe, about the phobia, that it is possible, not so much for it to be a phobia, but due to all the stress and prolonged negativity, your mind can just overlook that something happy or pleasent even happened, because its focus is on the negativity: hiding it, beating it, removing it etc.
I belive in you, Charles, and as for a personal recommendation that does not always work: eating very hot, hot HOT chinese food helps me feel happy (hard to not notice it really, with the entirety of your upper body parts burning 😀 )
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Good point. Phobia was the best word I could think of. Just the feeling of happiness causing anxiety because one is used to something going wrong. No idea what else to call it.
I used to indulge in spicy food, but my IBS has put an end to that. Unless I wish to spend the next day feeling ‘off’ and sluggish. At least it isn’t an ulcer.
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I also think there is a possibility for “a phobia of happiness” to rear its ugly head. I have seen a dwindling of the possibility of being happy for a long time in my life. It’s such that my outlook now is, “Expect the worst, hope for the best.”
I consider myself a pretty good actor in the game of life. I can act like nothing is wrong in public when things are dismal on the personal or mental level.
All we can do is keep on doing what we think is right, and see where that leads.
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I’m pretty bad at the acting. Takes too much energy to fake being happy when I’m not. Tried to do it when I was younger, but it resulted in people unintentionally making my real mood worse.
Good point at the end. Not everyone will understand your path, but you’re the one who has to follow it. That might have made more sense in my head.
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I didn’t intend to do the acting, but it is no ones business what goes on in my head, nor in my personal life. So, I pretend everything is peachy keen, and they buy it. Maybe they are just gullible or have so much going on in their lives to give a care.
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Kind of like a person who asks if you’re okay out of social protocol instead of actually caring.
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That’s why I started saying, “Greetings.” I tell people not to ask questions they don’t really want to know the answers to.
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Might have to try that. 🙂
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Oh, gosh! I think I have felt like this a time or two! Charles… NO FEAR! You can do it and continue to do it every day! I know. I see and read your posts. We can’t be happy all the time. Sometimes you just have to have “patience.” *ahem* my post for tomorrow. Thanks for being real. 😀 ❤
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I agree, but there are points where that’s hard. I say this as a tired kid screams and rants in the background. Wife has it now, but it’s usually my job. It might be more stress and it’s rare that it’s eased off my shoulders. This happens long enough and one finds it impossible to relax. The constant tension in the muscles and mental static are almost comforting because they’ve been around for so long.
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Charles, my husband and I combined 5 kids and raised them. I know. That is why at 56, I finally started my writing dream. It is what it is sometimes. You got this! 😉💗
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Thanks. Hopefully I can keep some momentum going. Though I’d love to have even a month without an obstacle.
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Believe me, I know. You blow me away with all you write!
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Makes me wonder how much I would get done if I had an unbroken length of time to work on a project.
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Those little black clouds that seem to follow us around really suck. When we’re used to dealing with all the crap life throws at us, it’s natural to feel suspicious when things start to go right. I don’t have any words of wisdom for you, but I can send you a virtual blast of positive energy and hope the mood eases soon 😀
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Thanks for the positive energy. We’ll see what happens. I’ve learned one important lesson though. Never start a year off saying it will be better than the last. Seems that just dares the universe to do stuff. Seeing that happen to quite a few friends.
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That’s interesting, and I guess it makes sense. I wonder would happen if you said ‘this is going to be a wonderful year’ without saying anything further. That might confuse the universe somewhat! 😀
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I think it’s just the phrase. At least for me. I might start 2016 already hoping for 2017.
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Lol 😀
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In my experience, happiness takes a lot of hard work and determination. And the ability to turn a blind eye and shrug things off. Especially when it’s family-related nonsense. With Electra, we often joke that the most important thing in a marriage is the ability to ignore each other as required.
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That sounds like it would be more important than people realize. Kind of like needing your own space and identity instead of being solely part of a couple. Reminds me how car insurance sees a married couple as one entity, but focuses more on the one that seems to think a commute is like bumper cars.
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Rabindranath Tagore described it best in The Home and the World (I think), when he compares a healthy relationship to two trees with entwined branches but separate roots. That way, he explains, when one falls sick, the other can support them without falling sick themselves.
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Need to remember that. Though there’s been a running gag lately that whenever I get sick, the wife gets sick too. Not sure how that keeps happening and the 6-year-old isn’t much of a nursemaid.
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Tell me about it. We always give each other our colds etc! The only good thing is that we have a few days between us, so we can nurse each other to help 🙂
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It’s never the same thing though. I got the flu once and then she came down with a really bad cold. So we were both out and in our corners. I’ll have to publicly admit (she does too) that my wife tends to overreact to diseases and injuries. Her stubbing a toe reminds me that she was a Theater Major in college for a semester or two.
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You and I are obviously siblings from other parents… as are Electra and your missus!
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Oh Charles. 😦 Yes. I know what that’s like. It’s hard to know what to think.
It’s harder when you’re sick. More stress. 😦
Thoughts and prayers are with you.
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Thanks. Seeing a lot of people get what I’m saying, which is comforting.
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