(So this is part of the first chapter of my paranormal thriller. I hope to finish the whole thing today and then rest for the week. Warning: I haven’t edited it.)
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Dawn lies on the comfortable bed and stares at the blank, white ceiling as the night sounds waft in through the barred window. She turns her head to stare at the empty cot and wastebasket on the other side of the room. With a shuddering yawn, the young woman silently admits that she is happy to not have a roommate. Even though she agreed to stay in Raven’s Hold, she is sure that living with someone else is too dangerous a step and may always be beyond her ability. The hoot of an owl draws her out from under the covers and she groggily tries to see the bird. Dawn is calmer after having her medication and a private session with Dr. Rutherford. Dancing her fingers along the window sill, the young woman considers that she might be in a place that will help her.
A scream from another room sends a chill down Dawn’s spine and she presses against the wall. The wordless howling continues for several minutes until it dies down and is replaced by a droning hum. Another patient begins shouting obscenities to drown out the other noises, they in turn are interrupted by a woman singing an opera. Every voice stops when a deep laugh cuts through the night with enough power to shake the windows. A faint shadow passes in front of the door’s single window, the figure leaving a misty handprint on the glass before it fades away. The tapping of feet on the hallway ceiling echoes for a few seconds and disappears when a bird caws outside.
“I shouldn’t be seeing anything,” Dawn mutters as she sinks to the floor. Her heart is pounding in her chest as she listens to a ball bouncing in the distance. “I took my medicine. The doctor said the new pills would help me. That’s why I agreed to stay. She said the new pills would make me be normal.”
“No fun in normal,” hisses a silky voice from the shadows. “Never any fun in normal.”
“Who are you?”
“Pills can’t stop me,” the voice replies as the mysterious figure passes the door again. A shadowy hand casually passes through the wall and beckons for Dawn to get closer. “I’m a lonely friend. I like what you see. What to be with me?”
“I came here to get better.”
“Odd word. What is better?”
“I want to be healthy.”
“Shame. I like what you are.”
A gentle hand of moonlight curls through the window bars and brushes some hair out of Dawn’s eyes. It tenderly strokes her cheek and wipes away a few tears. She stares at the ghostly appendage, which disappears when she blinks very hard. Satisfied that the hallucination is gone, the tired woman crawls back to bed and pulls the covers over her head. Dawn is asleep when an indent appears on the mattress and the springs creak as if someone sat down. A smile plays across her lips when the blanket is pulled down to her neck and she feels a pair of moist lips touch her forehead.
“Do you really want to be normal?”
Still asleep, the brunette rolls onto her back and whispers, “Never any fun in normal.”
Legends of Windemere 
I want to read more. This is good.
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Thanks. Hoping to finish it today. Then we’ll see what happens.
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Wow! I love it!!! Suspenseful and creepy! 🙂
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Thanks. Hoping the rest holds up. 🙂
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Wow, sounds creepy and fun.
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Thanks. Just 1.5 chapter sections to go and I’m working on fumes.
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I thought about you last night. I don’t think the characters are supposed to chase the author up a tree and throw rocks at him.
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Wondering if it depends on the type of story. Hard to tell since I’m new to this genre.
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Great excerpt! It’s sounds so creepy. I’d love to read the whole thing someday!
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Thanks. Hoping the rest holds a candle to the opening. Hard to keep a creepy atmosphere going for 100 pages.
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I’m sure you’ll get it just right!
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Whoa! That scared the hell out of me! Great snippet, Charles 🙂
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Thanks. Glad it got a good response. 🙂
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Oooo…would love to read more. What a teaser. Good job!
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Thanks. Just handed it off to editor and alpha reader, so we’ll see what they say. Thing didn’t even reach 100 pages.
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I like this–I like this a *lot*. And er, I am usually quite good at finding areas to expand (I seem to be a plot bunny attractor). So if you would like me to read the rest and make suggestions, I would be quite willing to do so.
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Thanks. I have it with my editor and alpha reader right now, but I’ll probably look for beta readers when I feel comfortable with it. I think for now, I need to step away from this project.
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“A gentle hand of moonlight curls through the window bars and brushes some hair out of Dawn’s eyes” – what a great line!
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Thanks. Everything was off the top of my head too.
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Somehow I missed this, but I am glad I found it!
The beginning felt like fantasy, but maybe that’s just me (there is a place called Ravenhold in WoW, so my immediate association to reading the similar name in your story was – rogues!), byt after like 2-3 sentences the story starts getting chilly. I really loved the ecrept and I am looking forward to reading more and getting to know what kind of crazy stuff is gonna get down! 😀
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It’s probably going to have a slight fantasy feel since I’m involved. 😀 Glad you enjoyed it and I hope the entire story works out. Still have no idea what I’m doing with it. 🙂
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