(I wrote the first section of ‘Ichabod Brooks & the City of Beasts’. Still deciding if I should make it one short story for 99 cents or 3 for that price. Either way, I’m putting out the opening for all of his adventures that I’ll be carrying to every book. This is because there’s no timeline for reading these. I haven’t edited it yet.)
To All Potential Employers
If you are reading this sign then I assume you have come with a job offer. Possibly referred to me by a previous client or have heard a tavern tale about me. My reputation precedes me and I can assure you that some of it is warranted. The rest is embellishments and drivel created by bards who love money more than truth. So if you have come here to hire me for some fantastic quest that spans the globe then turn around and walk away. I am a simple man who is only interested in providing for his family.
If you are still reading this and wish to hire me then here are my rules:
- I take half of the payment up front and it is delivered to my home. The job does not start until my wife confirms the money has arrived.
- You will answer all of my questions about the job. Answering with ‘unimportant’ or ‘need to know’ is acceptable. Just know that if the information I requested turns out to be essential, I will have words with you later. Lie to me at your own risk.
- I use my own equipment unless the job requires a special item. If that is the case then I will inspect it for curses prior to signing the contract with you.
- Write your name on the contract. ‘X’ is not acceptable and the enchanted quill I use is easily angered.
- Tell me if I am working alone or with others. I hate surprises.
- I am allowed one souvenir of my choice to bring home to my son. It will not be anything that is needed by you, but something small that nobody will miss. This rule is non-negotiable.
- Betrayal will be met with creative punishment.
If you agree to all of these rules then proceed to the house and I will meet with you. If I am on another job then my wife will discuss the more specific terms of our potential contract. Do not think that will make your life easier because she is the one who created the above rules. Good luck.
Thank you for your visit and potential business relationship.
Sincerely,
Ichabod Brooks & Family
P.S.- If you are here to attack my family then know that there are many traps on the property that react to aggression. Getting past them only means you face our pet ‘Beardy’. Defeat ‘Beardy’ and you must fight me. Kill me and my wife will be waiting. That will be the end of you. Have a good day.
Legends of Windemere 
It sounds really fun. There’s a lot of character in there, and I like the way you introduced it. Can’t wait to see what you do.
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Thanks. It came out more tongue-in-cheek than I expected, which really changed the angle of the character. I was going to try a gruff, no nonsense guy. After writing the first section, he’s definitely about business, but has an odd humor to himself. I’m hoping to finish the short story by next Friday and recruit beta readers out of the people that I know. If everything goes smoothly then I’ll be attempting an early June release on this.
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I got a Harry Dresden vibe from it. Note: I love Dresden. Can’t wait.
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This is going to good. I love how the wife is the last line of defense. She must be a doozy.
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I’m guessing she is. I have some time before I have to really design her. Not really sure what her past and role is for now.
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Wow! I’m loving Ichabod already. Where can I get an enchanted quill with an attitude??? I got chills when I read, “Kill me and my wife will be waiting.”
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Part of me thinks the quill was influenced by the owner. Though he’s coming out different than I expected. Not as ‘no nonsense’ as I thought he’d be.
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I love this!! It should be your back cover copy. Oh, you do e-books. It should be your sales pitch.
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That’s what I’m thinking. Too big for a blurb though. It’ll help with the Amazon sample. I can see another site or two that it’ll work for.
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Forget Ichabod. Do a story about his wife! 😀
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Maybe. I do plan on eventually making a female adventurer series. His wife is one of the possibilities, but I’m not really sure what she does yet.
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Scare the crap out of clients, for starters…
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Now I’m curious as to what people are going to think she looks and acts like.
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The lady from Misery, perhaps (aka Kathy Bates)?
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That’s definitely disturbing. Hoping she changes that mindset since I’m not sure that would make for an interesting short story series to go alongside Ichabod.
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Lol – it’s all up to you, buddy 😀 Just thought that a woman who can grin like she’s your best friend while holding a sledgehammer behind her back would definitely fit the bill 🙂
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It would be interesting, but I’m not sure how to fit in the mother role with that.
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You do know I’m very tongue-in-cheek with all this, right? Having said that, the jump between psycho wife and dotting mother would make for an interesting contrast.
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I actually thought you were being serious. It doesn’t help that I’m not sure what Mrs. Brooks does. Mercenary, assassin, thief, and several other careers are still on the table. She’s a female orc (Windemere-style means she looks like a Valkyrie with large incisors), so that can lead to a few interesting things.
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A female orc, huh? In that case, Bates is not such a bad guess 😀
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Poor orcs always get a bad rep.
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Stereotyping at its worst, if you ask me
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That’s why I use them as heroes and villains. Looking forward to doing more with them.
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