The Simpsons
Yeah . . . I don’t have one of those since I’m still ‘working’. Anyway, I had an urge to post spontaneously and then things happened. Now I’m not sure what I was going to write about. I’ve already pushed back the scheduled post to this afternoon and I’m too ‘blah’ to change it.
I’m starting to realize that constant stress and pressure ends with me feeling really depressed by the weekend. Just don’t want to be around people and any amount of cheer is kind of forced. Not sleeping well either, but I think we’ve established that a good night’s sleep for me involves either a coma or death.
It just seems like I’m drowning in a funk that I can’t get out of and I’m at the point where writing about it is the only thing I can think of doing. This never goes well though because people don’t know what to do with someone who is feeling depressed without an actual target. We seem to think depressed and sad are the same thing because people have been using them interchangeably for a long time. Well, they’re different and that will probably be a long post I do at some point after more thought on the matter. It’s too big and delicate a topic to ramble into here. All I will say is that the ‘suck it, cupcake’ style comments I typically get when I’m in this mood is not helpful. These tend to make me either feel worse or want to take how many whacks it takes with a toaster oven to drive a person into unconsciousness. FYI- It’s one with a microwave, but only if you take a running start.
One thing that might have me off is the editing and I’m starting to feel like I’m kind of alone here. I don’t know why. Maybe it’s that I have nobody to bounce ideas off of because everyone is scared of spoilers. Maybe I feel rushed or struggling to write in an environment rife with distractions. Maybe I’ve come so far in the series that I’m in foreign territory. I mean, I don’t have to do big descriptions of the established characters any more. By the 6th book, you should know Timoran Wrath is a towering barbarian with red hair and Nyx is a slender half-elf with a love of fire magic. Their relationships have been established too, so there’s no more ‘get to know you’ scenes.
I’m editing the 7th book right now and it’s definitely got shorter sections and gets more to the point. And that might be part of the issue. I keep wondering if there’s a scene missing in here even though everything is tight. I remember how I added a scene to Allure of the Gypsies after 2 years of reading over it. I had a sense that something was missing, but this isn’t the same. Information is gathered and events occur ‘off camera’ here because they weren’t really long to begin with. I can think of one scene that I might want to add, but I don’t know if I should. Basically, the Luke/Kira/Sari stuff takes a turn now that all three are in the same place for once. Yet, I seem to focus more on Sari and the Luke/Kira interactions are talked about after the fact. Maybe a reason for this is because it’s normal couple stuff with subtle hints that something is off. Do people really need to see them eat together or making out in bed? The overall plot doesn’t really open itself up to them doing real couple things either.
I don’t know. I’m feeling out of it, alone, and coming to some limit. And I’ve apparently been chosen to take my son to a friend’s birthday party. Guess I’ll edit and do laundry later.
Legends of Windemere 
Sad, down, depressed… as you say, interchangeable i speech but not the same thing when you’re stuck in the mire.
I know what you mean about the sparking ideas… Most of the time my writing partner and I work from opposite ends of the country by email. When we meet up we don’t stop talking and from there the stuff flows.
On the other and, sometimes you just need a break.
LikeLike
The thing is that I’ve taken breaks. Last week was entirely a break from the books. Just casual outlining. So a break doesn’t seem to cut it.
The closest I have to an easily accessed writing partner tends to be more of a Yes Woman. I kind of stopped running ideas by her a few years ago.
LikeLike
No, you need the spark of quickfire ideas and the constructive criticism of someone who respects your work .. and who you respect too.
As to the breaks.. I know what you mean. I work 7 days a week anyway, plus the school and the writing every other waking hour. I don’t even know what to do with time off these days except read. Even the weekends away are constantly working at the books…
Though to be fair, I wouldn’t change any of that for the world. Such a privilege to be able to write! Just less than the 200 mile gap would be nice.
LikeLike
Yeah. I don’t think I have anyone like that right now. At least one I can easily get in touch with.
I’m taking a 2 week break in December when my son has off from school. I hope to regain some energy and mood to tackle Book 9 in January. Next year will be about streamlining my activities.
LikeLike
January before I get a proper break, I think.
LikeLike
Things should be settled around the housr that time too.
LikeLike
Sorry to hear that Charles, I really sympathize. Sounds like what psychologists refer to as “free floating anxiety”:
It may be time for a break. With the holidays coming up, hopefully you’ll be able to take some time off the daily routine?
LikeLike
That’s the odd thing. I took a break a week ago. Any mood progress I made was wiped out pretty quickly. I probably won’t be doing any writing or editing for the last 2 weeks in December due to Christmas Recess. Hopefully I have the next book out by then, but I can’t be certain.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Sounds like your break wasn’t long enough. 😦
LikeLike
It never is. Seems something is always waiting to strike the moment my break is over. Like there’s a universal rule that I have to pay for relaxing.
LikeLiked by 1 person
With me, it’s another rule: a client will always call up with an artificial emergency the moment I leave. Last time (when we went to Pelion), we were literally 2 hours on the road when the call came.
I’ve now learnt to ignore them, but for years I spent half my vacation stressing instead of relaxing.
LikeLike
I remember jobs like that. I’d leave earlier for a doctor’s appointment or take a day off for some reason only to get a message about something going on. If it wasn’t a message, I find out the next day why it was such a terrible idea for me to not be in the office.
LikeLike
I’m in the same boat you are, to a degree. I have some job and personal stress that’s stymied my creative urges. I also have a writing commitment, with a deadline that pulls me away from my fiction.
I’m putting the novel on the back burner for now. I must deal with other issues first. I just know it will be there when I’m ready.
LikeLike
Maybe you’re onto something with the mention of a deadline. I keep feeling like I have to get certain book-related things done by a specific point. People looking at any delay as failure, people still asking when I’ll get a real job, and the constant ‘dead’ months in the business are really making me feel like I’m on a tight schedule.
LikeLike
I decided to enjoy writing. I’m like everyone else, and would like to earn a living at it. I have a good job with benefits.
Writing is done in my spare time, and as such has to qualify as leisure.
It will all be there when in ready. Today I need to work on some promotion, which isn’t nearly as fun. It should be worth it though.
LikeLike
I’m trying to earn a living at writing. Not sure if I should say I was fortunate to find myself in a position where I could only find jobs with minimal (if any) benefits and needing to get a babysitter for my son to have those jobs. So I definitely take on a lot more pressure in that arena.
LikeLiked by 1 person
You are not alone, Charles, many writers feel this way (and often!). Writing is an addiction for me, I love it so much it hurts and hate it for monopolizing my thoughts, I can’t even read for long without starting to analyze sentences, watching television makes me feel guilty for not writing instead, even playing with my children frustrates me (which is ridiculous as I love and adore my children and should be happy to give them one hundred percent of my attention, they will be more of a legacy than my writing likely will be). It is a bizarre way to live, every thought consumed by something one feels one should pen, but is our life and we should make the best of it. Count to twenty, take some deep breaths and then go and have a hug with your wife and boy. If a cuddle doesn’t make it better, the only hope is biscuits. Chin up, pal. You’re doing fine. 🙂
LikeLike
For some reason, I get the feeling it’s running deeper than that. I have plenty of writing ‘time’, but space and privacy are lacking. At least in quality. So it’s like I’m never alone, but I still feel alone.
LikeLike
I understand. Life is crowded and lonely at the same time, a lot of the time. Take solace where you can, pal. I wrote you a letter recently, hoping my wife will post it today, keep smiling 🙂
LikeLike
Man goes to the psychologist and after repeated sessions he hears the diagnosis. “You have free floating anxiety.” The guy retorts.”I want a second opinion.” “Well okay,” the doc says. “You’re ugly looking too.”
LikeLike
Ba dum dum tish. Is it free floating if it’s caused by constant stress?
LikeLike
I liked your ba dum dum tish. I think it is free floating since there is no connection to a specific root event. So in my opinion (I am not a psychologist but play one on TV) the answer is yes.
LikeLike
Got it. Though I can think of a few root causes that keep setting me off.
LikeLike
The key is one. You know like falling out of a twenty story building and landing on a fat lady and you survive and the lady doesn’t make it and her kids keep sending you a card on the anniversary of the fall telling you how they miss their mom and her fried chicken. (mostly the fried chicken)
LikeLike
I keep telling them i was trying to aim for the open manhole.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Depression and anxiety suck so much, and constant things to worry about/have to pay attention to always freak me out. Then there’s guilt about doing that instead of writing. Then more anxiety. I quite like Mondays actually – peaceful. Maybe Nicholas’ Garfield has the right approach – can’t be nice all the time at the expense of your equilibrium – just something smaller than a toaster oven. 🙂 Totally get your spoiler thing now too – I’m dying to share bit about my new book, but determined to keep it under wraps till it’s launched. If you need someone to bounce ideas off you’re more than welcome to toss them at me – I’m OCD with secrets. Hoping the funk lifts soon. 🙂
LikeLike
Thanks. Though it isn’t much of an idea bouncing thing this time. It’s getting someone to read the book and tell me if there are any gaps. Not typos or mistaking foreshadowing for plot holes, but areas of the story that need shoring up. Maybe I’m thinking too much. The earlier books required more meat in a way due to introductions. 6-7 are a little different in focus with a concentration on main plot and snippets of subplots. Book 8 could change my mind since it’s all character development.
LikeLike
So sorry to hear you’re in a bit of a funk Charles. I hope and pray you feel better soon. I’m happy with my new day job but the sales of my books are… well I’m not gonna go there. Let’s just say they’re not doing at all well!
I’ve just written a blog post about this cos it’s really getting me down and I need to find a strategy, a way of approaching this problem that’s (hopefully) gonna be effective.
Anyway, I do hope you feel better soon. Just remember you’re not alone. Although we’re ‘virtual’ friends of yours on this blog, we’re still here for you. And don’t forget – millions of people, even if they’re not writers, well everyone actually goes through times like this. Try if you can to take time out for yourself, maybe go for a walk on your own, just see if you can get a breather.
Talk to people about it, don’t bottle things up if you can avoid it. I speak from experience – having had health problems myself I know sometimes you’ve just got to drop everything and devote time to getting yourself back on track.
Last thing I would say is don’t be afraid to seek medical advice if you need to. It can really help.
Sending prayers and good wishes your way. 🙂
LikeLike
I just read your post and gave my opinion on the sales thing. (Forgot to mention doing a few guest blogs or hunting for interviews.)
Really cold outside so a walk isn’t going to happen. It could be that I’m just cooped up with no sense of privacy. Not even sure how often I’ve actually left the bedroom during the times my son is at school.
The problem with talking about it is that most times that I try result in being made to feel worse. It comes down to either ‘suck it up’ or ‘this person has it worse than you so shut up’. I really don’t want to drop everything though. There’s a pattern of me resting and then certain people stepping in to decimate whatever energy I recovered.
Not sure what you mean by medical. I’m not wanting to go on meds.
LikeLike
I meant going to the doctors (here in the UK we have doctors who are known as general practitioners or GPs) but I can understand you not wanting to go on meds. But don’t rule them out entirely – I’m on them myself because I have to be and they enable me to live a normal life.
As for talking to people – maybe you’re talking to the wrong people if they’re saying things like that. Have you considered counselling? I know it can be expensive, but it might help.
Anyway whatever you choose or don’t choose to do I hope you feel better soon.
LikeLike
Here you would need to go to a therapist or psychiatrist. I can’t really go into details about my issues with meds. I know a lot of people on them and it helps, but I’m concerned about what they would do to certain things with me.
Kind of seeing a counselor and things come up, but there’s situational stuff too. Ever find yourself trapped somewhere and you can’t find a clean way out?
LikeLike
I’ve just sent you an email Charles.
LikeLike
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I know what you mean about being in a funk you can’t break out of. I’ve had that going on for some weeks. You may feel alone, but I know I’ve thought about you. I kept thinking, “I’ve got to stop over to Charles’s blog.” I’ve been so swamped with work that I’ve barely read anyone’s blog posts. But you came to mind again today, so I stopped by. Glad I did.
Your hard work will pay off. I know it will. It’s hard because you’ve got a long series going and it’s hard to talk about it. But keep going!
LikeLike
Thanks. Hope you enjoy everything. Next week is all about book excerpts from that favorite character poll. Looking forward to seeing the comments on that.
LikeLike
I can’t help with the depressed stuff other than saying when I start feeling that way I try to change my routine and try to do some fun things that I don’t normally do. Editting makes me feel that way. I hate editing. Also, on the birthday party note: be glad you’re just going and not hosting. We had a birthday party for my daughter yesterday and I’m still exhausted today.
LikeLike
I’m usually good about editing. I think being ‘contained’ in one area because it’s a busy house every day of the week is part of the problem. I’ve kind of become a scavenger of space in a way. Once I hear everyone leave, I scamper to another room for a change of scenery. When I hear a car come back, I pack up and hurry back to my room before I’m caught in a conversation.
Hosting is always a headache. I wish you a quick recovery. 🙂
LikeLike
I do have a vague idea how this feels. Both my sisters have been hospitalized with major depression. You can always vent to us here, but only you can know what needs to change and make the decisions around that change. I’m worried about you.
LikeLike
Thanks. The tough thing is that I can’t really vent here too much. At least from personal experience, I find that people don’t have much patience for people who are repeatedly depressed. I’m hoping things ease up a bit and I don’t have a reason to vent. Just a lot of stress for the last few months for some reason.
LikeLike