The Same Message as Last Year (You’ve Been Warned)

For anyone who joined my blog after Valentine’s Day last year, you’re probably going to be surprised by this one.  Mostly because of what it says, but a few might be annoyed that I never bothered to edit it.  So, here’s my message from last year:

Grumpy cat valentine (Yahoo Image Search)

Grumpy cat valentine (Yahoo Image Search)

(Controversial personal opinion ahead!  You’ve been warned!)

I never really got into this holiday even when I got a girlfriend/wife.  Prior to the girlfriend/wife, I simply didn’t care. After the girlfriend/wife entered the scene, I realized something: I STILL didn’t care.  I didn’t need a day to tell me to be romantic because I liked being spontaneous.  For a few years, we exchanged video games on this day, but that stopped when she figured out that I was playing them more than her.  Nowadays, we do the cards and whatever else we feel like doing, but it’s really just another day to me.  Also, I have this to say to Valentine’s Day:

STOP MAKING MY SINGLE FRIENDS SAD!

I spend a lot of time consoling them on this day because the truth is that this day isn’t only about the loved one that will let you see her/him naked.  Correction: see and do things to them when naked.  Remember when we were kids and you brought a Valentine’s Day card for everyone in the class?  That’s what this damn holiday should be, but greedy bastards corrupted it into this Hallmark holiday.  It’s rather sickening (hence why I’m listening to Disturbed Theory of a Deadman in 2014) and is downright mean at times.  I know many people who are single are going to say that I can talk because I ‘have somebody’ and some taken people are going to be angry that I’m stomping on their only chance to get free chocolate.  So, here’s a message to each group:

To My Single Friends

Don’t feel bad on this day because it’s really nothing special.  We’re made to think it’s special by corporations that want to make money.  Think about it and you’ll realize that you’re not really alone.  You have friends, family, pets, internet friends, and any number of people who care about you.  This ‘holiday’ is about treasuring all of your relationships and I’m using the term ‘holiday’ very loosely.  If you want to be someone’s Valentine then I’ll do the job because I hate how this ‘holiday’ makes people depressed.

Besides, you don’t have to struggle to find the perfect card and waste money on a gift that will never see enough use to make it worth the price.  Look at the crap we have to buy on this holiday: cards that get tossed by the end of the month, chocolates that get eaten within in a week, flowers that die a slow death, and jewelry that is so insanely priced that you have to cry in the bathroom before giving it to her.  This is all for a single day of saying ‘I care about you’.  It’s cheaper to say it.  So, you guys really aren’t missing anything, no matter what the commercials and your friends tell you.  They’re fucking wrong on this one.  Enjoy your ability to save money on a pathetic holiday while it lasts and realize that you really aren’t alone.

To My Taken Friends

If you desperately need this one day to say ‘I love you’ then you should evaluate your relationship.  This is a day that takes advantage of you because it assumes you aren’t romantic at any other point in the year. You’re tricked into thinking this is a day to focus entirely on your loved one because this is the day of love.  Honestly, it’s a holiday were a Greek God (or is Eros the Greek version?) is used in conjunction with a Saint.  That should tell you something isn’t kosher with this.  I’m not saying you should ignore the holiday, but don’t treat it like the be all, end all of romance.  Save your money and romantic ideas for birthdays, anniversaries, and days where your loved one has no fucking clue it’s coming.  Unless he/she has a bad heart then you might want to avoid that last option and sex altogether.

I get that you’re happy and you want to spread your happiness, but some people have to be careful how you do it on this day.  There is a fine line between declaring your love for someone and rubbing it in someone else’s face.  This line becomes very thin on Valentine’s Day and it’s really bad thanks to the internet.  If you have to send a public Facebook message of love to a person you’re going to see later that day then you’re not really being romantic.  You’re being kind of a dick to everyone else who has to see it.  Yeah, I’m getting a little angry here, but I’m tired of feeling like a spectator to other people’s declarations.

I’m pretty sure I’m pissing people off with this, but I really, really hate this pointless holiday.  If you only say ‘I love you’ to your loved ones on Valentine’s Day then you’re an asshole who needs to be smacked every other day of the year.  You love and care about the people around you beyond this day.  Again, I remember when I was a kid and the true spirit of Valentine’s Day was celebrated because we had yet to be corrupted.  We appreciated every classmate and friend, regardless of gender and closeness.  So,

HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY TO EVERY FUCKING PERSON THAT I HAVE EVER FUCKING MET!  *holds up his beer to the screen and chugs*

About Charles Yallowitz

Charles E. Yallowitz was born, raised, and educated in New York. Then he spent a few years in Florida, realized his fear of alligators, and moved back to the Empire State. When he isn't working hard on his epic fantasy stories, Charles can be found cooking or going on whatever adventure his son has planned for the day. 'Legends of Windemere' is his first series, but it certainly won't be his last.
This entry was posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

35 Responses to The Same Message as Last Year (You’ve Been Warned)

  1. Olivia Stocum says:

    As a romance novelist I have to say that I am totally, utterly, and completely offended by this post. Just kidding. I was just looking for an excuse to use three ‘ly’ words in a row. Have a good day!

    Like

  2. Love it! My husband would totally agree with you as well. He hates commercial holidays (and buying things in the name of them). He will, instead, write me a private, well-thought note or make a card…but he most definitely would not post anything on Facebook. I have some friends who’ve already been struggling with this day since yesterday, so I’m right there with you.

    Like

  3. SAD (Singles Awareness Day).

    I only take issue with one thing – if people who are in a relationship and are in love choose to publicly announce that love on social media, I say they are truly blessed to have found someone that they feel that strongly about. I’m a romantic at heart I guess. But it doesn’t have to be just one day – every day should be Valentine’s Day when you are in love.

    Now go find your wife, surprise the hell out of her with a heartfelt message on a card (make one yourself using the toddler’s crayons) – spend the evening with your family and put away your phone/computer. Kindle that romance with a few easy things and you will be surprised how it can change things.

    Like

  4. kingmidget says:

    Certainly not pissing me off. Couldn’t agree more.

    Like

  5. Charles, I’ve been writing about versions of love all week. I’m OVER Valentine’s Day! Hand me a beer. I’ll open it myself. This post was just what I needed. I’ve never really liked this holiday. The voice that took over my mind last Saturday and wrote all my poems has been asked to pack their bags. I need another beer…

    Like

  6. sknicholls says:

    We are going to The Parliament House gay club to see “The Red Ball” comedy show with Ru Paul on Saturday night to celebrate Valentine’s Day. I don’t know what that says about us as a couple. Greg always gets me Godiva chocolates, but we share. I got him silk boxers, only because the ones I got him five years ago have lost their elastic and I am tired of watching him pull them up over his belly. They are cool to wander around in the hot house wearing (if they actually stay up). We say, “I love you,” every day and mean it. I like Pam’s idea with the toddler and crayons. Those make the sweetest gifts. He is your greatest gift to each other.

    Like

  7. I rather enjoyed this post/re-post. My wife and I do not celebrate this “Holiday” in any way. We don’t exchange cards and we say Happy Valentine’s Day to each other, if we remember in jest.

    Like

    • I’m starting to think it’s more important for the younger crowd. Like a ‘holiday’ designed to help people woo their crushes. I say we bring back the older traditions: club to the head, but the woman can join in this time. Concussions and drain bamage for all!

      Like

  8. Papi Z says:

    Reblogged this on The Literary Syndicate and commented:
    Preach Charles! Preach! I, myself prefer Al Capone’s interpretation of Valentine’s Day… 😀

    Like

  9. In grade school, I used to give out hideous Valentine cards with monsters and blood and guts and worms and bats and bulging eyeballs. I still think of this day like that… 😉

    Like

  10. Romance should be good for 364 days; maybe take one day to get a little distance (not out of bounds, just a little distance), not one day to finally get a little closer. 🙂

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s