By Kayla Matt
(Excerpt from Legends of Windemere: Allure of the Gypsies)
The bakery at the entrance to Haven fills the air with the sweet aroma of fresh pastries. Aedyn can feel his mouth water as they pass the open door and he gets a peek at the young elven woman inside removing a tray of steaming cookies from the oven. A flower shop catches Nyx’s attention with its front yard covered in miniature willow trees. Nyx and Aedyn continue ogling the various stores and polished wood buildings until they come to a long building with a large oak behind it. The section of the structure that they come to first is a two-story wooden house with a hanging sign that lazily swings in the wind. A picture of three sparkling, emerald comets racing toward each other is emblazoned on the finely crafted sign. The rest of the structure is an abrupt change from the wooden house. It is a long, stone building with four chimneys that pump out a steady stream of white smoke. Nyx and Aedyn stop at the house section, but Nyx freezes with her fist an inch away from knocking on the door.
“What is wrong?” Aedyn asks with concern.
“I’m just a little nervous,” Nyx replies, her cheeks a little red. “I was never any good at meeting parents. I always come off as an unapproachable bitch.”
“You come off like that to everybody when you first meet them,” the priest points out.
“I’m just a strong personality,” Nyx snaps, her arms dropping to her side. “Why do I have to knock anyway? This is Luke’s house, so he should be the one to knock and introduce us to his parents.”
“I agree. Go knock on the door, Luke,” Aedyn sternly requests.
They turn around to find that Luke is nowhere to be seen. Nyx grits her teeth and angrily bangs her fist against the door. She freezes in nervous terror when she realizes what she’s done and the door begins to open. A short and slender woman pulls the door open with a delicate hand. Her eyes are a shimmering blue and reveal a youthful, energetic spirit that has not dimmed with age. A stream of bright, pristine blonde hair cascades over her shoulders and down to her waist. The woman’s face quickly melts into a warm smile when she sees the pair of half-elves on her doorstep.
“You two must be new to Haven. Are you lost?” the woman asks. She pushes some wrinkles out of her lavender silk shirt.
“No, ma’am, we were in the area and thought that we would stop by,” Nyx claims, looking around for any sign of Luke.
“Do I know you? You don’t look familiar,” states the woman.
“My name is Aedyn Karwyn and this is Nyx,” Aedyn politely says. “We are friends of Luke Callindor. He told us that this was his home.”
“Oh, you poor people. I am his mother, Vixen Callindor. I am very sorry for the trouble he has caused you. My son can be quite a handful,” Luke’s mom explains with a bright, but apologetic, smile. “Although, he’s been gone for a little over a year, so you won’t find him here. That is unless this is the area where he told you to meet him. If that is the case then he might be somewhere around town. Pardon my manners. Come in and relax.”
“Actually, we were here with your son and he disappeared on us while our backs were turned,” Nyx admits, unconcerned with any trouble she causes Luke.
“I’m so sorry that he did that to you. Both of you seem to be very nice people and he should know better than to cause trouble for others,” Vixen frets. She gently takes Nyx and Aedyn by their hands and both half-elves are surprised by her strong grip. “We should wait inside where there are chairs and refreshments. I still have some breakfast on the table since Ilan has a big project that he needs to finish by lunchtime. That man never eats when he has something on his mind. That is unless Luke has him stressed out. Then, my husband becomes a bottomless stomach. I hope you enjoy peppered eggs, potato pancakes, and lemon sweet rolls.”
Nyx and Aedyn enter the warm home, but stop in their tracks once they get inside and Vixen closes the door behind them. The finely crafted furniture and somewhat expensive paintings catch little of their attention as they stare at the kitchen table. Leaning over the table with his hand holding a chunk of bread is Luke. Specks of eggs and sweet roll are still on his face as he stares at everyone.
Luke swallows his food and grins impishly. “Hi, Mom . . . How’s Dad?”
Legends of Windemere 
I enjoyed this Charles, but I am curious as to why Luke snuck in…
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There’s another reason he left home to go adventuring besides wanting to prove himself. 😉
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I really need to catch up on my reading soon 🙂
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Still hoping this book debuts on Halloween. Fingers crossed.
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I love some of this artist’s work, and really dislike other pieces. The picture on the left is great, the one on the right, the pose just looks awkward. I’m sure drawing poses is not easy, I’ve little skill for drawing things from a mental image. That right arm looks really awkward though. Other than that, the face, the clothes, the hair, are all well-done.
I’m not a fan of excerpts from published books. I will give the Amazon sample a read, see if I like it.
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This book isn’t out yet. I’m aiming for a Halloween debut. I’ve found that excerpts are hit and miss. Some people enjoy them as teasers and others hate them because of potential spoilers.
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I’m probably more of the later. Yet, I have regular people I follow on The Write Practice that write on the same story lines in their posts. I’ll follow them for a while, but then, once I’ve organized a Critique Partner relationship, I respond more directly.
I guess I kind of feel the same. If I have the whole thing essentially available, why would I want to start in the middle. But, yes, I’m sure it still serves some benefit to you.
I’m reading the prologue of book one now. Seems pretty interesting and fast-paced. I didn’t expect the dwarves and elves to be so aggressive. You’ve immediately created a dangerous and provocative setting. My only issue is with present tense as opposed to past tense. I’m not use to it.
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It’s an acquired taste and the biggest hurdle I’ve had since starting. Honestly, people have either quit after 20-30 pages or pushed on until they don’t notice the difference. I wrote a post a long time ago about how we’re schooled on past tense, so that’s what we’re used to. It becomes engrained to the point where other tenses seem off. Yet, we can listen to an audiobook in present tense without a problem. I think I wrote this back in May or June.
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Interesting. As always, I ran into the classical issue. Where do I report errors/suggestions? 🙂
For example, a sentence here in the prologue reads:
I believe you have used invaluable as if it meant useless, but in fact, it means the opposite.
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I can change that. They don’t really have a report error/suggestion post. Otherwise, people would slam authors with every nitpick and suggestion. I have enough trouble with Game of Thrones fans contacting me over Facebook.
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When I read, for lack of a better term, indie authors, I usually end up with a decent stream of critiques. Sometimes, I will critique chapter by chapter, even each paragraph. In rarer cases, per sentence.
Point is I usually cut another edit on it just during my natural reading process. Some grammatical, some content-related.
This is more or less to the author’s preference. I’ve not met many indie authors with (self-)published book that don’t like a full critique and opinion, but I’m opposed to doing so for those who are just going to dump them in the trash, if you know what I mean.
I do love your level of detail and content choice so far. It is entertaining and dark so far.
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Thanks. I’m not sure where I stand on full critiques these days because I’ve received so many that I never asked for. Most of them were all about how a character wasn’t likeable or another author did it better. The present tense especially has brought in a lot of criticism, but that’s here to stay for me. Maybe it’s just my genre because fantasy seems to have a lot of strong opinions from fans and other authors.
I do agree that a lot of indie authors love getting a full critique and opinion. It’s the only way to grow really. Not sure what you can do about an author dumping it in the trash though. Many times an indie author will agree and disagree on things that go beyond typos. For example, comma usage can become a debate depending on how you were taught to use them.
I will admit that book starts dark, but is more lighthearted and dialogue heavy as it progresses. The series overall slowly slips into a darker atmosphere, so I started lighter. Feels like it would make the suffering and successes of the heroes juicier later on.
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Well, I’m not the type to berate, belittle, or make comparisons. I may make references to other people’s material for reading, but never say, “you should have done it like so and so.” I treat almost all errors or what I believe to be an author’s poor decisions to be a stylistic choice that I don’t agree with.
There are some out there that might be disparaging or rude in their critiques. I try to build authors up, and, if nothing else, point out tips for later use. I’m not a professional or anything anyway, so I don’t pose as one. I just like to trade opinions with other authors. It takes a lot of work to write a book and a lot of personal elements.
It is educational to me, because I’m still learning what I like and don’t like. Also, I find a few critique partners that way.
It can be hard enough to accept an honest but negative review, add a rude spin on it, and just no. I don’t see the point in bashing other authors.
And, truly, the present tense writing doesn’t bother me. As I said, it is just awkward, but I get use to it. Sometimes, I wonder if the vast majority of readers are lazy. They’ll probably have similar complaints about my book. Oh well.
Additionally, I’ve not found, so far, anything to nag about. Would only have good things to say about the prologue. I’ve rambled on long enough, so long that I forgot if I was trying to make a point or not…
I hate that.
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Good strategy. Before I write myself into the current headache (3 books in editing stage), I was doing a lot of review trades. I simply don’t have much reading time, so I don’t try that any more. I feel bad about it because I liked doing the positive approach and put a few negatives that I couldn’t chalk up to the author’s personal style.
I get a little defensive about the present tense because of the initial response. I’m getting better. I still need to find that post where I analyzed why people might not be used to present tense and why past tense is the norm. Think it was back in April actually.
I tend to ramble until I lose the point too. The challenge of being verbose. Thank you for the compliment. Means a lot since the majority of negative reviews I received involved people not making it out of the prologue.
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With all the blogging you do, I can see why you don’t have much time for reading! That is probably where most of your reading comes from.
I keep in mind that reading is an important part of growing as a writer. I’m less concerned with the quantity of my writing as opposed to the quality of it.
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I don’t blog as much as it looks. I make a lot of posts in advance and I don’t comment on as much as I used to. A lot of my reading has been my own editing or inching through Ranger’s Apprentice.
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Do you make enough off your books to be a full-time writer? I’ve found it extremely hard to juggle a full-time job, 2 kids, a farm, and writing. But, somehow I manage. As long as I get off the blogs every now and then!
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It’s getting there. I make enough on my books to easily pay for advertising. Might not sound like a step in the right direction, but I only have 2 out and they’re 99 cents. The third will be released as a 2.99 and should up the royalty amount by a lot. It appears that most indie authors can’t make it big on a single book, but multiple books can be very helpful.
I cut out most of television when I got serious. Thursday nights are the only ones that have shows I pay attention to now.
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I watch TV almost never, I carry a journal with me everywhere, and I get most of my writing done on the weekends. (If I’m lucky).
I strive for 5000 words a week, but I don’t always make it.
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Stay at home dad, so I spend most of my time working on my books at home. Morning is biking and errands then working away. I can never bring myself to do the words a week when writing new stuff. I’m a big outline maker, so I aim for 2 chapter sections a day for the first draft. Typically ends up being 2-3 chapters a week.
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My wife is the stay at home one. I write computer programs for 40 hours a week.
One day, maybe, though, I will be able to.
As for outlining, I have to hit and miss. I’ve found outlined portions make it hard for me to write. I like to write when I don’t know quite what I’m going to do. I lose my creative edge when I know what is on the menu for the day. But, I can’t say too much on it yet, struggling through the middle of my book that I expect to be about 120k words. I know I’ve done way too much work to give up now.
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Used to be that way, but I couldn’t find anything beyond temp jobs. My wife always had the better resume, so we switched and I pursued the writing full-time.
Some times you only have to step back for a few days and the idea will come to you when you least expect it. Happens to me. I’ve stumbled onto a few accidental foreshadowing events in my earlier books that change up the later ones. My outlines tend to be very flexible and only have a ‘goal’ for each section. For example, a specific battle or a character development event. Never sure how it’s going to play out though.
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I’ve got landmarks on some important plot elements, namely towards the middle and end. This is the first time I’ve hit one. I haven’t quite reached it yet, so I feel the events building up to it are just so hard to write with such a dramatic scene approaching. My writing seems to be coming out perforated. Having to tie pieces together.
Other than that, it is just time constraints and remembering to have fun.
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Not sure if this will help, but the first draft can be perforated. In fact, most times it is. During the first editing run, you will find areas that need to be filled in. In my books, I’ve discovered scenes that I missed that clear up confusion and help the flow.
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I’m kind of picky about it. I do a semi-in-progress edit. I like to look back at refined writing. I like to be able to think, this looks good, I like it. I dread the thought of hitting the end of a book and thinking, I hate this, it sucks. I would never revise it and I would probably find some remote place to hide it away forever.
I can stand to leave places that still need work, but major plot holes or flaws don’t live long. My mind hunts them down and solves them.
Thanks for the recommendation. I allow myself to write badly in my journal, at least that is the state of mind when I write (it usually comes out better than if I try to write something “great”). I’m slowing letting the amount of jumble increase, so I have more “play area: to mentally work out issues.
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I do the semi-in-progress too. It’s more of a quick scan to make sure I remember everything I wrote the day before. I leap back to previous chapters whenever I’m unsure of something because I’m obsessed with continuity.
Terrified of plot holes. Though, I’ve noticed that some people mistake subplots that carry into the other books as plot holes. Few and far between with those people though.
Letting it flow naturally is a great idea. Forcing it can be picked out by readers.
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That’s the one.
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My mind just now hit the reference to Game of Thrones. I’ve not read it, but everything in me tells me I won’t like it.
My guess would be they harass over the fact your write high fantasy, instead of grit.
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Exactly. I’m very lighthearted and humorous. People say I remind them of Terry Brooks and Terry Pratchett at times. People want high body counts and for every character to be on the chopping block. Also political intrigue while I write quest adventures. I won’t lie and claim to be anything other than an entertainer author aiming for escapism.
My introduction to Game of Thrones was pretty bad. A friend suggested it and got me the first book. Then he told me ‘every character that you will connect with will die’. I read for characters, so I didn’t really get into it. Was hard for me to get invested when I kept expecting the likeable characters to get brutally murdered on every page.
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Well, to me, the very fact that several of its readers parade around and do such things makes me question their opinions and scruples. I read and write for characters, then plot, then setting. I have about zero intrigue with politics as they stand, why would I want to read about them in a fantasy book?
Violence for the sake of violence seemed a theme. Truthfully the books sounded to be the opposite of escapism. Makes us thankful for not living there.
People tend to grasp onto the first thing that is radically different, regardless of quality, and then berated its predecessors. I read a “book ranking” site that listed Game of Thrones above Lord of the Rings, and pretty much took any YA fantasy or High Fantasy and put them into a “Worst fantasy books ever” category. Then, the review went threw and was simply rude about the content in them. (some of them I’m not even sure the reviewer ever read).
Sorry, but I didn’t find the Legend of Drizzt to be garbage just because it didn’t have ultra-violence, profanity, incest, and molestation in it. And it shouldn’t, it was a Perfect book in that it achieves exactly what it needs to for Young Adult audiences.
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Funny thing about Game of Thrones fans is that not all of them read the books. There were quite a few that I interacted with that only watched the HBO show. Game of Thrones has been around for a while, so it isn’t really new. The fans that started back then appear to be more accepting and understanding for other fantasy books.
I’ll admit I’m a fan of ultra-violence at times, but it’s when I’m in a blah or mindless mood. I prefer there to be good characters and story along with my sex and bloodshed. Makes me feel more refined while I chug a beer.
That is an excellent quote and I fully agree with it.
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I realized it isn’t really new. Which makes me really wonder how it became so popular? Was it because it began appearing on TV or some unpredictable fad.
I can stand violence and gore, but usually for the sake of humor or realistic detail. But, there is something I consider putting it on a throne and worshiping it. I don’t go so much for that.
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I think it had a big following among fantasy fans, but the HBO show shot it into the mainstream spotlight. The visual media seems to enhance the popularity of the book. So, you get a variety of fans that range from loving all versions, only visual media, and only book versions. At least that’s what I’ve seen.
I can never get into the blind worship and fanboy-ism of things. I love certain shows and think they’re great, but I can’t go to that level of worship. Just not in me.
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It is amazing how somethings don’t pop until TV shines their spotlight on it.
Couldn’t agree more. Well, I will have to add your book to my “To Read” list. I am impressed with it so far.
Thanks for the long chat today! It has been a pleasure.
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It was a lot of fun. Always happy to have long conversations. Hope you enjoy the book when you get to it.
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Present tense sounds too much like theatrical instructions.
Elf enters left.
Dwarves exit right.
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I liked this, Charles. And geeze, cheeky Luke! His mother seems like a sweet lady.
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She’s sweet as long as you don’t cross her.
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That’s the good kind of sweet! With backbone.
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She has a great scene near the beginning of the fourth book.
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Oooh – see, I can’t wait until #3 comes out and already you’re making me wish 4 was out, too (very good marketing strategy, Charles). Personally, I love sneak peeks like this. I don’t necessarily need context. I can imagine pretty well on my own, and even if I’m way off base in my imaginings, if you can get me interested in the characters with just a bit, then it’s likely I’m really going to enjoy reading about them within their world.
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Allure of the Gypsies is hard to do sneak peeks for because a lot happens. Very few spoiler free sections to use.
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Reblogged this on Barbara C Rowe Author.
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