One works so hard
To go for gold
Rising
Above their station
Taking that risk
With sweet rewards
A slower path
Filled with brambles
Every cut well-earned
What happens when it ends?
All work has gone to waste
Devoured
By our albatrosses and ogres
We wonder how they do it
As if they do not care
Leaving pain
And delicious misery
My blood is on their hands
The albatrosses might be worse
At least the ogres do not hide
I would rather noise
And open doubt
Than the one that sinks me
With their own incompetence
Broken deals
Forcing me to turn away
Giving up the path
I see them every day
To take my beatings
Made to feel
Like I’m the fuck up
Perhaps I am
I stay with them
The albatross was mine to choose
While I returned to the ogre
So maybe I’m to blame
I do far too many of these poems, but I need the emotional release before I go back to the novel. The issue is that promises are being broken around me and they may force me to quit the author game soon after the second book. I’m trying to find ways around this, but the paths are getting closed off as time progresses. I’ve done the ‘work and write’ life and it doesn’t happen with my family. Too much chaos, noise, and selfishness here. Yes, I know me wanting to be an author at all costs is selfish, but I’ve waited well over a decade to make this move. I feel I’ve been patient.
I get the feeling that everything in my life is going to be different by the end of the year. I couldn’t say if it’s good or bad. I do have a feeling it will be painful because of the way things are going. So, I do apologize for slipping in poems like this. I try to be the happy, positive person that everyone seems to want. Yet, depressed Charles exists inside me and comes to the surface at times. I haven’t fully killed him off yet.
Legends of Windemere 
I’m a firm believer that everything happens for a reason – we just don’t always understand the reason or agree with it at the time. I’m sorry that things are changing for you. I hope it works out the way you want it to.
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I can’t back the everything happens for a reason on this one. This crapfest that I’m dealing with is the cause of the selfishness and bad decisions of other people. Quitting will happen because I have to step in to fix the mess of other people. Hence the reference to the albatross.
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Oh Charles. I can say I hope you don’t give up, but I don’t to just mouth words (or write them) without really knowing what you’re going through. It breaks my heart to read this though. I do hope that you won’t.
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I’m fighting to avoid it, but it’s becoming a one man fight. If the sequel explodes and I push one of the novellas then I have a better chance. Not sure how much longer I can keep it up though.
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I liked your expression here and that you could do it so very creatively, but am sad that you are struggling right now. Look at your gratitude list and I will say a prayer.
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Thanks. I’m grateful to a lot of people here. One of the issues is that I have several sentient obstacles that are physically in my presence. Not the toddler, which seems to be the conclusion that everyone jumps to. It’s just getting rough.
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Three is a picture of my desk on facebook, complete with squirrel….what I would give for more work space to spread out without interfering with dinner or having to go out in the heat….and my dog snores….loud.
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I work in a corner of the dining room. I built a writing desk in high school, but my wife claimed it with her scrapbooking stuff. We have nowhere else to put it, so I lost that spot.
It’s been suggested that I leave the house and go to the library to get work done. I’ve done that I can’t type very well. I like having a drink and the option to wander when I need to think. I also don’t have to pack up my stuff and risk my place if I need to hit the bathroom. It’s all about comfort and a zone for me and writing.
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Same here. I don’t think I could write anywhere besides home. I love Greg dearly, but when he is home from work his demands for my attention annoy the hell out of me. I can’t get much writing done on weekends or his Fridays off. He’s nice, just needy.
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I have to wait for the majority of the house to go to sleep. I have wife, toddler, and parents (thank you, recession). The weekends are so loud that I swear I’m going deaf because of them. I admit that I look forward to weekdays, so the house clears out a bit.
It’s one of the reasons I could never write when I worked a full-time or even part-time job. I’d come home to chaos and I’d be exhausted by the time I got to my laptop. It’s like people think writing is a switch that I flick on and off at will.
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Impossible. Sometimes my best writing is when when I just sit staring off into space for hours without DOING anything at all, and the ideas begin to come, things start coming together, but try explaining that to someone who wants you to watch some TV with them….and thinks that you aren’t doing anything.
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My family isn’t sure what to do with me because of the TV thing. We used to have at least one show every night. Then I realized earlier this year that I saw a lot of the endings coming and I was wasting my time. I put on a few shows, but I use it as background noise when I need.
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I can’t tolerate background noise, even the dog snoring bothers me, but Greg reads a lot, so we get along…except on weekends when he wants to watch TV and I have things in my brain that are trying to come together. .
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I grew up using music and TV to drown out the other directions. It’s like a security blanket for me now. I guess human voices that are not coming out of a speaker make me think I have to pay attention. Guns N Roses (listening to November Rain) doesn’t get mad if I ignore them to write. 🙂
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I am doing something, I am thinking and I can’t think in front of the TV
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So sorry, Charles. I don’t know the details of your lament, but I don’t like to think that you feel you must always be happy and positive for us. Don’t we all have a “depressed Charles” in us? Isn’t that part of being human, part of caring what happens to us? As your friend, I would rather know how you really feel, than to only see what you think I want to see. I shudder to think that you may have to quit after your second book. I really hope it doesn’t come to that. And I hope that as you go through this painful period, you can remember that you have a large community of friends who would give anything to help ease the pain.
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Thanks. It came to light recently that many of the people around me hate that I’m negative. One person went so far as to call me the boy who cried wolf and nobody listens to me. This is my non-internet support system. So, the happiness is hard to cling to. It’s funny too because the people that hate me being negative and the ones that knock me down when I’m trying to be positive.
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That just royally sucks. I know people like that. It’s much less about you than it is about them. I guess that’s where their selfishness comes in.
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Definitely. I know it’s about them because they’re always asking me about them. Keep this up, I won’t remember them when I’m famous.
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There you go! But, of course, then they’ll be coming up to you with their hands out saying, “remember all the support I gave you.” Pure BS.
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I know it and I’ll see how I’m feeling at that time. They take advantage of me not being a total jackass.
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You have your hands full. They should be so lucky to just get a nod from you once you make the NY Times Best Seller list.
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They should be. 🙂 Thanks.
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Just keep on writing, Charles.
When you are lost in your writing, everything would be fine. Take care. 🙂
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I wish it was that easy. If things continue sliding in the wrong direction, I’ll have to pack up my ‘toys’ as a few people have stated.
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I hope it doesn’t come to that… and you find some way to settle it all down.
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Me too.
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Can I just say that, “SUCKS!” Sorry, but it does. Hopefully it wont come to that. You were born to write. It is your passion it is when you feel the most alive. Here’s hoping that some of the selfishness will lessen so that eyes will be opened to see what you need for you! I’m rooting for you!
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Here’s hoping. *raises seltzer and takes a swig* Need to stop drinking beer.
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I think this one might deserve hard liquor…but in moderation. I’m thinking a one drink limit! lol
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Lacking that and the heatwave made me docile. So some of the weight I was losing came back.
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I know you will take it right back off 🙂
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Weight loss isn’t one of my best skills.
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I’m actually pretty good at weight loss. If you finish one of my stories I will lose the weight for you! lol
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Thanks. Though, I’m not sure how that would work. 🙂
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LOL…me either but it sounded good! Well, for about a second until the logistics of it ruined it!
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I’ll echo Kira and say it does suck, Charles – I’m sorry things aren’t working as well as they ought to/changing in ways to make you feel like you have to get out of the author game. You’re too talented to leave!! And you don’t need to be happy Charles here if you aren’t feeling it – this is your space, you just get to be you!
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Thanks. Maybe I’ll get lucky and the second book will save the day.
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We’re all rooting for you!!
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You’re a writer. If you give it up, if you sacrifice the essence of who you are for others, then you’ll end up depressed and bitter. There’ll be no fix, but instead a delayed day of reckoning. I went to a counselor about this very issue 14 years ago and that’s what I was told. In my case, at least, he was right. That doesn’t mean it won’t be difficult or painful (it was also that in my case, though there were other factors), but in the long run it’ll be better. No one knows the dynamics there like you do so I’m confident you’ll do what needs to be done. Good luck.
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I’ve mentioned the bitterness and resentment that would come from it. The people that are causing this situation aren’t taking it seriously. They think I’m making idle threats, but I’m already resenting their interference. I guess some people have to learn the hard way.
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Then they’ve no respect for you. Sorry to hear that.
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Sadly, the story of my life. At least the toddler supports me, but I think that’s because he knows I’ll give him snacks.
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Okay, I’m laughing through my sympathy, though my problem always was everyone believing in my ability—except me. Your wit reminds me of me, but then I was raised on Long Island. Must be something in the water there.
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A lot of witty people come from here. You’re right. Must be the water.
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