Let’s just get right to it. I’ve been talking about a ‘life event’ since August, but it really started happening at the beginning of December. August was when I learned that this might be coming and tried to fix things. Had no idea it was all in vain and 2019 would be a year for me trying to glue myself back together. Anyway, this is the most amount of detail I’m going to go into about this because going too far will cause trouble. Probably going to get in trouble for this, but too many people here have made wrong guesses about the ‘life event’ and it’s gotten awkward. Here we go:
Divorce
My focus since then has been on my son and my Teaching Assistant job. The latter helps to be a distraction because I’m busy and it’s fun. People know what I’m going through, so I sometimes get asked how I’m doing. Nice to be asked that and know people care, especially this week when things happened. The harder part is helping my son through this. He’s still confused on everything and his special needs makes the bouncing back and forth a challenge. Still, he’s been a trooper and worked with us. Though, he has his moments and those tear at my heart like Wolverine on a massive rampage. I try my best to explain things, but I don’t want to drag him into the middle of the whole thing. Both me and him have shed plenty of tears together over this, which is why I’m happy to get this long weekend with him.
I’ve been trying to add writing to my schedule, but it’s hard to get into the mindset when you’re in pain. Doesn’t help that part of War of Nytefall: Eradication involves a newly minted couple that were based around my ex-wife and I. Can’t do anything to change that too because the relationship is integral to the overall story. Probably why this book is taking me 6 months instead of the usual 6 weeks. By the time I get home from work, I’m tired because I go right into either wrangling my son or getting into conversations about stuff. This is why I’ve put more time into jigsaw puzzles than writing because it’s a different brain half.
So, how am I doing? I’ve been angry, depressed, sad, hopeful, lonely, heartbreak, and several other emotions. The fact that I’ve kept it together most days is amazing, but I have to thank all of my friends and family for that. Situations like this show you who you can trust and who really cares. Not sure what else to say though. I’m starting to cry because it still hurts even though it’s been months. I have moments where I start thinking about how I’ll die alone or how I feel lost. There’s more, but I can’t go into that part because it would definitely get me in trouble.
I want to talk about victories of the week, but the divorce overshadows all. I mean, all I really did was finishing watching ‘The Punisher’ Season 1 and reading ‘Naruto’. This coming week might be a little better and next weekend is me on my own. Sort of because a friend might come out for a ‘John Wick-end’ (He said it first!) and another friend is at a convention that I’ll pop into. I hope to get a chapter done by the end of it all. My goal is to finish the book before summer camp starts at the end of June. It’s feasible since I only have 5 chapters to go. I might be able to write a bit this weekend after the kid goes to sleep too. Depends a lot on my mood.
No idea what else to say. I don’t have it in me to make any actual goals. So, I’m just going to do a general list:
- Son
- Work
- Healing
- Writing
Well, there it is. The life event has been revealed. I’ll be busy tomorrow, but today and Monday are low-key fun days with the munchkin. Happy weekend.
Legends of Windemere 
Nothing I say will make the pain go away. I’ll spare you platitudes. Just thinking of you, Charles. Sending you all the love and positive thoughts I have to give. Good luck with your writing and navigating this heartbreaking life event.
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Thanks. I’ll admit that I’ve been trying to handle the platitudes for months. People don’t know what else to say. Yet, it does feed my own frustration because I don’t know what to say either. It’s really just weird.
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Yes, it is weird and when you have children, it’s weirder. One of my nephews was divorced when his sons were still small. He was devastated but by the time he told me, they had already done all they could (couples therapy, etc) so there was nothing to say. I could only listen. Being a couple of thousand miles away, I couldn’t even offer to help with his sons. There’s nothing you need to say to anyone. Just do what you can to take care of yourself and your son, and know that a lot of people in this community care about you.
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Oh, hell, one more thing: My nephew’s sons, who are now teenagers, several years after the divorce, are just ducky. My nephew and his ex made it clear from the outset that they were loved and they were not the reason for the divorce. It was still rocky at first, especially since the oldest boy had special needs, but they adapted faster than anyone thought. They’re both doing very well in school, yadda, yadda. I’m just sharing this because I imagine you’re worried about your son. As long as you love him and are there for him, he’ll be fine.
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I’m really hoping my son comes out of this okay. Due to his special needs, the situation has an added dimension. He doesn’t do well with transitions and things change all the time here. He’s been a trooper, but there have been moments when he’s flipped out from the stress. Doing all I can to minimize those and get him through this.
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So sorry to hear your problems. I hope writing about it has helped. My thoughts are with you.
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Thanks. Writing about it made a small dent. Only because I won’t go into the details in public. Still, it is nice that I don’t have to tiptoe around it.
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I’ve said it before, and I know it doesn’t help, but I’m still sorry. Sorry it happened, and nothing you did was enough to stop it. Sorry you’re still struggling so much emotionally. And sorry you can’t even use your writing as an escape.
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P.S. I hope having it out in the open now helps, even if it’s just a microscopic amount.
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Thanks. I’m probably going to be an open emotional wound for the rest of the year. Someone told me that it takes a month to recover from each year of a relationship. We were together for 19 years, which means I’m looking at 1.5 years of limping along. Ugh.
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*hugs*
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Focusing on your son is the best and the right thing to do. Been there, done that and survived. Not sure how I would have managed without focusing on the kids. Brave of you to let us know. My thoughts are with you. Keep writing. xo
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Thanks. Focusing on my son does help. Makes me feel like I’m doing something positive and not a screw up.
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I’ll add no easy comments, Charles. Just that there are people out here thinking of you.
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Thanks. I appreciate it.
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Charles, I guessed “the problem” months ago. So sorry! It’s not easy to pick up the pieces and put your life back together, but you do it, just like a puzzle. Some pieces fit right away and others need a little more searching time. The writing helps. Even your newly minted couple scenes! In my WIP I made up a perfect character, Erik, that Elizabeth falls in love with and marries! Not at all like my life with the “ex.” That’s how I wanted it to be. Think about how you can live through your character! Happy long weekend with the Munchkin! 📚🎶 Christine
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The hard part with the writing is that these are things I planned out long ago. I base a lot of my heroes on people around me. So, there are connections that are hard to ignore. This makes the writing painful at some points.
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I can understand the pain! You need a little more healing time to find your balance and a different “voice” to write those scenes. Good thoughts for you going through that process! 📚🎶 Christine
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Thoughts and prayers are with you. I’m so glad to see so many people here offering words of support.
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Thanks.
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Keep strong, Charles
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Thanks.
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Life sucks. But you, are strong and talented and awesome. And all of those close to you know that. I kmow that and most importantly, little guy knows that. Someday this will be clear across the clearing.
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Thanks. Clearly, this clearing of my life will clear up. Ouch. That one made me wince.
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Clear that sentence on a clearance sale and start again?
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Pretty sure it was a clear crime against the English language. Not like easy sentences such as ‘wound the bandage around the wound’ or ‘threw the ball through to the thruway’. 😜
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Most of us go a bit crazy during and after such an “event” and we have to vent until our story is clear or clearer (!) to ourselves. Our friends may be perplexed and find only platitudes to utter but they still care and we come clear with the help of children. And things will be OK again one day for most of us. Meanwhile… go easy on yourself.
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Thanks. I’m trying.
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I went through the same Charles. It is never easy, but I can assure you that there will come a day when you’ll be over all the feelings and then can concentrate on you. The important thing is your son knows you love him. Thanks for sharing. My goy prayers are with you and your son. ( I think it’s the same God.)
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Thanks. I’m hoping I can carve some type of victory out of life before the end of the year. Feels like it’s all one big slog. At least the job is good.
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Good to look forward to that victory.
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Charles, I am so so sorry, there is no right words. Hang in there!
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Thanks.
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I think you’re brave to put it out there at all. Still cheering for you. Nothing I can say will help, but it’s nice to know you have friends. Maybe that helps.
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Thanks. I’m glad to put a name to it. Still, I have a long road ahead of me.
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Agreed, but you’ll get there.
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Perhaps being busy will be for the best.
Good luck with your life event.
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Thanks.
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So sorry to hear you’re going through such an awful thing. My parents were divorced when I was 10, so I know what it’s like from that perspective. It’s not an easy thing. I hope, once you work through your grief, that your life becomes better than it ever was before.
Take care!
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Thanks. I’m hoping it improves too. Hard to see the end of the tunnel when it feels like everything has unraveled at the same time.
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I get that. And it doesn’t matter how often people tell you things will get better when it doesn’t seem so right now. Best you can do is keep doing what you’re doing, taking things a day at a time and focusing on your son and writing.
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I wondered. And I’m so sorry you have to go through it. In time I hope you will start to feel good again.
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Thanks.
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Well… I will say I’m glad I guessed right. 🙂
I won’t say anything trite or useless. It sucks. My husband and I have hit …here’s another over-used yet inaccurate phrase… a rough patch. We’ve been doing marriage counseling. It’s put a lot of life and ‘happily ever after’ perspectives into a more real focus. We both want to work and mostly keep trying, but have seen the edge and know the effects of separation.
You are a great person, especially for being there for your son.
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Thanks. We were in counseling for a while, but you still need both parties to work for the same goal. Good luck. Sounds you’re on the right track.
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I hope so. Thank you, Charles.
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