Where to even start with you? I mean, you heard people complaining about how bad 2016 was and you took it as a challenge. This is where I’d normally look back at the fond memories of the year, but you truly sucked harder than a shop vac with something to prove. Sales sucked, health took a few hits, personal issues where everywhere, the laptop debacle going from late March to early September (maybe October?), and that’s not bringing in the state of the world. It really felt like there was no haven from your immense suck-a-tude.
So many people I know are finishing you with a physical or emotional limp because of the hell you brought down on them. Some are optimistic while others are pessimistic, but you really left some scars. I know we can’t blame you entirely because some things were caused by the selfishness of other people. Yet, you did set up these events for one person to let down another with a resounding thud. Honestly, I can’t think of any other year where my faith in humanity dipped so low. Just pray 2018 isn’t your evil twin because I can’t deal with another round of ‘what’s the worst that could happen?’
By the way, do you have any shame or guilt in regards to your actions? Do you feel sorry for any of the horrors you’ve unleashed or bonds you’ve severed? It’s like you simply hated for people to be happy or even content. There was always something lurking in the shadows to maul the chessboard. Half the time, people couldn’t even reset the pieces before the mauling returned. You truly were a curb-stomping, head-butting, groin-grinding, nipple-twisting suck of a year.
Now, I know you’re going to come up with some shining moments. Betting you want to point out the end of ‘Legends of Windemere’. Don’t pat yourself on the back. Such an event would have happened regardless, but I dragged myself down a road of broken glass and lemon juice to get here. Busted laptop, wife with a broken arm, medical thing, delays, getting blocked out of my files for a few days, losing Internet the day before the release, my son getting the flu ON release day, holiday vacations, dwindling promo funds, and Amazon rewriting all of my keywords whenever I saved. Yeah, that’s just a walk in the fucking park for me. Probably why I’m writing this with a glass of honey whiskey in my hand. I swear, I’d buy a dumpster full of 2017 calendars and light it on fire if I could afford it. For now, I’m settling for this venting post.
My hope is that 2018 looks at you as a cautionary tale. It should do better. Then again, we thought the same thing about you after 2016. So, it isn’t a strong hope. I’ll keep my expectations low and savor the brighter spots. Yeah, me being an optimist isn’t really natural, so I won’t hold my breath on that. Anyway, I’d give a toast to you, 2017, but I don’t like you. Just go away and stand in the exit long enough for the door to hit you where the sun don’t shine. Preferably with enough force to knock you into a thorn bush that might have been doused in gasoline. Why do I have a lighter if I don’t smoke? Start leaving and we’ll find out.