Rant for the Day: Profanity and Creative Threats May Occur

Got the song stuck in your head?  Join the club, but I have a maniacal edge to mine.  This morning, the toddler said he wanted the ‘Princess in the Snow’.  He was introduced to ‘Frozen’ over the weekend and we weren’t sure it had an impact.  Guess it did.  If you know toddlers then a 1-day rental from Redbox or a 3-day from the library won’t cut it.  The hunt was on for ‘Frozen’ on DVD.  That began at 10:30 AM and I got home at 1:00 PM.

First, I tried Walmart since it was closest and they had a Subway (sandwich shop) in the building.  I got there without a problem, which is the extent of my early victory.  All they had was the ‘Collector’s Edition’.  Why the fuck do I need the DVD, Blu-Ray, AND Digital copy?  I’ve never been able to figure out the purpose of these combos.  Especially since I’ve rarely seen a store out of them.  Out of DVD Only?  Yes.  Out of Blu-Ray? Yes.  Out of the blatant attempt to get extra money through use of the words ‘Collector’s Edition’?  Only when the store ordered 4-5 copies during the debut week.  I do wonder if part of the ploy is to get people to buy these versions because there are no other versions left.  Why would you need 3 versions of the same movie?  Seriously, I’d love to know the genuine answer to this.  Is it the Anti-Social Family package, so every member can watch the movie in their own room?

Anyway, that was Walmart and I headed off to another store.  During this trip, the vehicle behind me decided it wanted to perform the timid mating dance of automobiles.  By this I mean the driver kept tapping their front bumper to my back bumper.  I guess it was an attempt to make me go faster.  Genius plan there, numb nuts.  I assume the cars in front of me are mirages that I can harmlessly pass through.  The lights are designed to prevent speeding and they suck.  Live with it before someone feeds you your own steering wheel . . . and the store only had the Blu-Ray versions.  Dang it.  Also to the employee who thought saying ‘Maybe you should let it go’ was funny, my keys double as bootleg Wolverine claws if I hold them right.  My laugh was not of agreement, but of looming madness.

Off to the mall in the opposite direction than where I was previously going . . . construction.  Stop, go, stop, go, stop, go, GYAH!  People switching lanes during this always irks me and I was already starving.  Once I get past the blockage, it’ll all be good. Unless the construction vehicles finish while I within the first 10 cars of the jam and they pull out.  Oh my fucking god and I don’t mean Aphrodite!  People just swerved into the openings, cut people off, and acted like their cars were graceful ballerinas instead of hunks of metal on rubber.  To the speedster who cut me off twice during the overall traffic jam, I hope you hit someone that gives you a windshield wiper colonoscopy.

Now things get weird.  I got to the mall through more traffic and people auditioning for ‘Blood on the Asphalt’.  Went through the mall and found . . . a line dancing mob in cowboy hats and flannel.  I swear I’m not making this up.  Cotton Eye Joe was playing and everything.  Here:

This kind of broke me.  It was the last thing I thought I would see and I just gave up on being in a rage.  Found ‘Frozen’, ate some Chinese food, returned to the car, battled more random construction-based traffic, and dragged my butt home 2.5 hours after I left to simply ‘grab the movie at Walmart’.

I end on this note: check the blog of Michelle Proulx and her book Imminent Danger: And How to Fly Straight Into It.  What does she have to do with this?  She unintentionally gave me a laugh while I wrote this.  How?  I went to Youtube to find the ‘Let It Go’ video and who do I see has written the second comment?  Michelle.  Figure it’s simply bizarre that I stumble onto that, so I’ll take a universal hint and push her book.  It’s been an odd day.

No idea what to do now.

About Charles Yallowitz

Charles E. Yallowitz was born, raised, and educated in New York. Then he spent a few years in Florida, realized his fear of alligators, and moved back to the Empire State. When he isn't working hard on his epic fantasy stories, Charles can be found cooking or going on whatever adventure his son has planned for the day. 'Legends of Windemere' is his first series, but it certainly won't be his last.
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43 Responses to Rant for the Day: Profanity and Creative Threats May Occur

  1. Glad you found your movie. But I love those DVD/blu-Ray combos. I buy those, give the blu ray to my daughter and I keep the DVD. Then I use the digital copy for my iPad. Win-win-win. Also for families that have DVD players in their car, it gives them an option to entertain the kiddos without always remembering to bring a DVD. Blu ray is always better at home.

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  2. I really don’t know how to respond to this one, sounds like hell on wheels. 🙂

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  3. melissajanda says:

    I chuckled all the way through this story, Charles. The things we do for our kids!

    Like Pamela said, the combo pack allows you to play it in the car too. However, that movie has been banned from our house. My husband suffered through it at the theater for my daughter’s sake, but was wishing he’d brought a flask about five minutes into it. It would probably drive him insane being forced to listen to it on a road trip.

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  4. sknicholls says:

    My granddaughter has those songs stuck on repeat. It’s worse than Disney’s Small World. You’re a good dad 😀

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  5. Days like this are maddening. I tried to find a simple CD one time and finally gave up. All the special editions were there but not the “just plain CD.”

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  6. C. Miller says:

    Firstly, I have to share your confusion over why it is almost IMPOSSIBLE to find single versions of movies without getting the combo packs. (Unless they’re older movies, that is.) And if you get them in 3D, you have to pay for 3D Blu-ray, Blu-ray, DVD, AND digital copy. It’s like . . .
    If I have a Blu-ray player, do you REALLY think I’m going to be watching it on DVD? Don’t you think I would BUY THE DVD if I WANTED the DVD????
    -_-
    While I can sometimes think about it in a way that makes SOME sort of sense in my head, it typically doesn’t. Monies. All they want is the monies. Gah.

    And honestly, if I’d had your day and that person made the ‘let it go’ comment to me . . . I probably would’ve had to just walk away, in fear I would punch them in the face if I stayed near them. You should’ve seen my face when I read that bit.

    If it makes you feel any better, I got pretty frustrated while reading this, just imagining your day.
    At least you got the movie?

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    • The least they could do is pile on a ton of extras. I hate it when I see a Collector’s Edition and it has everything the single one has. So I would end up paying for a disc that I’m never going to use.

      I’m hoping the person died a little inside when they made that pun.

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      • C. Miller says:

        This is true. There’s really hardly ever anything extra that’s worth a damn with the Collector’s Edition copies. :/
        I’m trying to think of exceptions and can’t, but that might be because I’m not entirely coherent yet.

        You know they were probably (figuratively) patting themselves on the back the rest of the day. OR they knew it was evil when they said it and have been cackling inside their head all day.
        What’s the likelihood that they actually felt the way they SHOULD HAVE for that?
        People. Gah.

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      • Special boxsets of Lord of the Rings is a good one. The funny ones are those that come with tickets to a related movies opening weekend, but you buy it months after that movie came out.

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      • C. Miller says:

        Haha, yeah those are great. Lot of good they do.

        I have so many digital copy code things that have expired, which I think is absolute garbage. If you pay for it . . . why should it expire?

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      • I didn’t know they expire. That’s even worse.

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      • C. Miller says:

        Yep, they sure do. Most of them, at least.
        How is that even a LITTLE BIT right?

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  7. C. Miller says:

    Also . . . forgot to say this initially:
    Cotton Eyed Joe?
    REALLY?
    Are you SERIOUS?

    I’m from the south and can’t say anything that redneckly surreal has ever happened to me.
    Twilight Zone?
    I am so sorry.

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  8. LindaGHill says:

    If it makes you feel any better, we all have days like this. Bloody nerve the guy hitting your back bumper though!

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  9. Imminent Danger is a great read. Isn’t a sequel coming soon?

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  10. What a terrible day! Idiot drivers drive me nuts (hahah see what I did there?). Also, my YouTube comment is second? That’s so random! I feel like I should win an award. Or at the very least win a copy of Frozen. Then I can mail it to you, and you won’t have to have a minor mental breakdown just trying to buy a single DVD 🙂 (PS: Thanks for the shout out!)

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    • I did manage to get ‘Frozen’ by the end of the adventure. Grabbed some Chinese food too because I feel I earned it. Now, we get to watch ‘Frozen’ once a day until the toddler gets bored. Though only if he asks for it. He’s still not sure what to do about movies.

      It was funny with the comment because I had accidentally scrolled too far. As I went back up to the video, I was like ‘did I see a familiar name?’ Took a look and there it was.

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  11. Ellespeth says:

    O my! Hahaha! Babysat for twins (5yra old) and their baby bother (3 yrs old) last week and all were dancing around the living room singing this song. The dance part wasn’t difficult so I joined in. I pretended that the only words to the song were Let It Go. Quite aerobic ::P
    Loved this, Charles!
    Ellespeth

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    • The toddler isn’t singing yet. He just goes around telling people about the princesses and the snowmen. He might be more of a storyteller than a singer right now.

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      • Ellespeth says:

        Ah! I’d enjoy one of his stories I’m sure! What did you think of the movie? Besides that song, I only know the Golden Book storybook one. All of it down to about – maybe – 20 pages of mostly drawings.
        Ellespeth

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      • I liked the movie when I saw it in theaters. Even the song doesn’t bug my brain as much as some of the older Disney songs. Looking at you, Whole New World. I’m hoping it leads to my son getting into other movies and then we can try to take him to a theater in a few years.

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  12. You know, sometimes kids should wait for things they want. It builds character. 😉 As for Frozen itself, I had quarrels with the plot depending on characters being appropriately stupid. That particular song, actually, if you listen to the lyrics, doesn’t seem to me it has much to say. But there are worse things for my teenaged daughter to go around singing. Many, many worse things.

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    • We do the waiting thing a lot with him. The funny thing is that it is very rare that he demands something like a DVD or a specific toy. He’ll mention things, but I can’t even remember the last time he really wanted something that wasn’t a cupcake.

      I’ve found most movies and stories have characters doing stupid stuff. That’s why I no longer take them very seriously. Even in my own stories, characters will do some bonehead moves. As for ‘Let It Go’, I’ve heard that the plot was going to be different (closer to the actual Snow Queen fairy tale) until they wrote the song. Then they saw it more as an empowerment theme. Again, it’s all about personal deciphering of the song. I’m more of a Lion King and Aladdin fan anyway. 😀

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    • Gets it’s a plus that my son is more interested in Olaf the Snowman. If he starts singing, I’ll get the silly song.

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  13. Kirsten says:

    Your last comment about Olag had me laughing! I actually liked the movie and the song. I even used parts of the movie for one of my devotional newsletters for work. Who would have thunk?!? I’m sorry you had such a horrible day trying to get the DVD. Your day is exactly why I no longer buy DVDs. I totally use iTunes and Amazon Prime only. I have a Smart TV so I stream Amazon, Hulu Plus, and Netflix. Then I have an Apple TV that does the whole iTunes thing. (Of course, it also does the Hulu and Netflix, but not Amazon) You don’t even want to hear my complaint about the competition between Apple and Amazon 🙂

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