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Graphic line: Winter sucks more than a first time whore determined to prove herself.
Another day of winter wonderland has graced me with the glory of a stir crazy toddler who refuses to be quiet. All plans I had have been dashed to the ground. I’m so sick of this bad weather because it keeps decimating whatever I plan to do. I don’t even know how to write this because I’m so frustrated. Constant noise for the last 6 hours and 20 minutes! My biking schedule takes another hit because if I try, the toddler tries to climb on the bike with me. There is another adult here, but he’s trying to shovel all the snow in a battle that reminds me of a dog chasing its tail. I’m actually envious that my wife went into work and away from this.
And there’s the rub on being a stay-at-home father and full-time Indie Author without an office: You are beyond screwed when a snow day hits. The other adults in the house treat you like you’re unemployed and don’t help until they finish their business, so you’re left so exhausted by the end of the day that you’re not getting any real work done. At least if the toddler was sick, he wouldn’t be this energetic. Not that I wish him sick, but he’s got cabin fever and refuses to watch the television. I know all the suggestions I’m going to get here and the truth is that there is more to my story, which I can’t divulge in a public forum. Mostly because I’ve learned some people read this and relay the information to other parties.
Anyone wondering why the lack of an office comes into play? It means that even on weekends, I have no sanctuary to escape to. On the days (and nights) where everyone is home from school and work, I can’t get writing done. Too much noise, chaos, and accusations that I’m ignoring my son. I love that last one because if people would let me get work done on weekdays (and nights) then I wouldn’t be spending the weekend screaming to be left alone. These books don’t plan, write, edit, and market themselves. My blog doesn’t handle itself either.
I’m at a point of irrationally pissed and this is supposed to be my ‘vacation’ time. I’m not even sure this makes any sense beyond random, angry rambling. I might have had a point before the 3 phone calls (I know it’s fucking snowing!) and the toddler talking nonstop. Maybe it was to be nice to stressed authors who have no respect at home or lack a sanctuary to escape to. Pray for our souls and our sanity.
(By the completion of this, I’ve found that the wife is coming home due to the weather and has sworn to let me get work done. We’ll see how that goes.)
Legends of Windemere 
I can totally sympathize with you. Distractions can be a bear. I really don’t know how you do it with a toddler. I guess I won’t have a suggestion that will work since you can’t leave and go to a place like the library.
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I’ve tried the library in the past and it runs into a few problems. Typically, I have to be home by 3 to get the toddler, but I lose my spot if I head out for lunch or use the bathroom. It’s happened far too many times even at the smaller ones.
Lately, I haven’t been doing anything with the toddler around. I’m hoping to finish reading The Crimson League today and get some outlining done before Greg shows up tomorrow. With any luck, I’d like to start writing my next book either Thursday or Friday. Next week is Winter Recess too, which does not bode well for me.
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If I had a degree in psychology I would advise a rest for you. Take this week and the next and stop writing. Drink, play with the toddler and enjoy life. I am not a psychologist so you don’t need to listen to me. I don’t know all the circumstances, but that’s what I would do to ease the frustration and give yourself a break.
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I’ve actually not been writing since the second week of January. I’ve done outlining and reading, but with all the chaos, those have been hard to do.
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Still. What you are trying to do is like swimming upstream in a torrent. Wait until the fast water passes then you can make progress.
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That’s where some of the particulars come in. They’ll only go away if I succeed financially as an author or give it all up. Sounds extreme, but after failing to do both for 10 years, I don’t see a middle ground.
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I know exactly where you’re coming from – and some days it is enough to make you batty. When my daughter was young I lived through the same harassment. Now that she’s older (and in school) it’s a bit easier because she’s gone most of the day, and once my daily chores are done, I have a few hours of quiet… but weekends and holidays where everyone is home still feel like impossible days when it comes to work. When my daughter was a toddler my sleeping habits took the hit. I learned that I could get work done during nap-time and after the kiddo had gone to bed for the night. Unfortunately, that meant I was up till 3 or 4 am every night, and running on very little sleep the next day. Lack of sleep is not conducive to patience.
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I agree about the lack of sleep. I think what really irks me today is that I know nothing will be done to help me recover the lost time. No weekend where I’m left alone without paying for it later. This makes me terrified about the summer because it could mean my writing flat out stops, which isn’t a good option.
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I don’t envy your situation at all and will offer no advice (I don’t really have any to fix this kind of problem) instead I will just offer my support and sympathies to you. I hope things settle down and the weather cooperates so that you can get some things done. I wish you the best my friend.
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Thanks. I’m hoping this weeks eases up somewhat.
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I hope things get better, I will be cheering for you!!!
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Thanks. I’m at the point where hiding under the bed would be the only option. That is if there wasn’t a bunch of junk under there.
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If it consoles you, my house looks constantly like we have just picked all we had and threw it to the air. After a while, at least my son now picks them up and puts them away at the end of the day. Still, imagine me surfing over duckies, play-doh, gigantic legos, 23984290 trucks, cars and motorcyles in my Goofy slippers during the whole day (usualy carrying beveradges, meal or snacks in both hands!). I hope it at least makes you crackle a little 😀
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That is a funny image. The main area of the house is still kind of clean thanks to yesterday’s Super Bowl party. I give the little guy a week before he brings more of his toys out of hiding.
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This all sounds so familiar! Usually I hear it from women whose husbands go to work and expect them to get all the child care, chores, cooking, etc. etc. done and have the house spotless when he gets home. There were two things that worked for me.
1) You have to stake our your time for writing, whether that be early mornings, nap times, after dinner… and train your family to respect it. Yes, even a two-year-old can be trained. Any adult roommate who is old enough to shovel snow can certainly be trained. Be practical — obviously, it helps if you choose a time when other adults are present for child care — and expect pushback. Be gracious and firm. Whatever it is they want, it will wait until you’re done.
2) Train yourself to let go of things you can’t control. You mention chaos in the house, and I have no idea what that is, but if it’s something beyond your control, then you just have to let it go. Hanging on to anger is the fastest way I know to kill your muse.
It sounds like your wife respects your art and supports your desire for success. Thank goodness for that! The longer you stick with your scheduled writing time, the easier it will be to forgive yourself minor lapses. And, kids do grow up.
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My son is four, so he doesn’t nap. He spends most of the day at school, but on snow days things go awry. Next week he has off, so that’s going to be a rough patch. The issue with him is that he keeps talking and there’s no activity that will make him stay quiet for more than 5 minutes. He refuses to watch television.
I’ve tried scheduled writing time, but nobody sticks with it. I live with my wife, son, and parents. So it’s a busy household with a lot of noise. There isn’t really a let go thing here because at this point it would involve giving up. I’d have to wait for a shining moment where the toddler is at school or occupied and all the adults are being quiet. It happens maybe once a month for a few hours on a weekend.
There’s respect here, but the other people in the house don’t realize that part of the support is to give me time and space to work on things.
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Well, I said training your family, not “instant 180.” Or, perhaps, training yourself to tune out the chaos. Training takes time. Just don’t give up.
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Thanks. 🙂
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My tiny woes pale in comparison, yet you support me like the brother I never had *sniff* Hugs…go hug the toddler. Sometimes they act out for attention because they need attention. I hope for you some writer’s peace soon and much success.
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The toddler was just put down for bed. Hopefully. I don’t hear anything, so I assume he’s asleep. He gets a ton of attention, but being the only child, I think he’s hit a point where he’s not used to being ignored.
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Oh, I forgot about that…the only child syndrome. He loves you, Daddy. This too shall pass.
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I wonder if duct tape is tax deductible.
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The story of my life right there. Only there’s between 2 to 4 adults in the house throughout the day, along with my daughter.
And they wonder why I sometimes stay up until 1-2am in the morning typing…
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I have the same adult amount. Live with my parents, wife, and son. I used to do the early morning writing, but it wears me to the bone when I need to wake up at 6am to get the toddler ready for school.
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‘Tis my aunt and father, along with my fiancé at our house. We don’t so much live with them as we all own the house together … in the middle of nowhere … when my aunt can’t drive.
School, yes … wake up at 6, drive daughter to where the bus stops before 7:50, then eat breakfast whilst reading emails. Squeeze in the high-usage internet before 2 during tidying the house (a losing battle with two dogs and five cats), then maybe a little writing whilst attempting to juggle conversing with my aunt and blocking out the TV (that she’s watching and commenting on) until 4 when I must pick up daughter, assist with homework, then it’s dinner and dishes, and perhaps get a sentence or two in before my fiancé gets home and utters a single word … then all bets are off!
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I believe you win. My dad is around, but he goes to a gym or runs errands for a chunk of the morning. If he’s home then there’s noise or he starts talking to me while I’m in the middle or writing. One day I hope to own a cabin or a tent to get away for a bit. Maybe just save enough money to escape to a hotel for a weekend.
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I can’t get the hang of scheduled writing time, either. It lasts for a week, and then folks seem to forget I’m actually trying to concentrate when I’m at the computer. And, although I do have a small bedroom office, my toddler comes there with me most of the time, so it’s not really too much different than writing in the living room. I’m in and out a lot.
I have a friend in the Salt Lake City area who signed up with a house-sitting service just to have a quiet space of his own to write in. He commutes about a half hour every day, but then he gets to spend most of the rest of the day in a huge, beautiful home with no one else around, just writing. That sounds lovely, to me.
*Big happy sigh, starting to daydream…*
Wishing you the best! 🙂
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That sounds like a great idea. I’d do that if I didn’t have to be home in time for the toddler to get home from school. I guess we have to wait until the toddlers can entertain themselves.
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Yes. I expect television to work one of these years…
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It used to with my son, but now he’s not interested in it. He enjoys playing with his trains and talking nonstop.
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And I really probably shouldn’t have said that. I think I’d hate it if he was always in front of the television. Guess I’ll enjoy my messy office and five or so minutes of dedicated writing every day. 😀
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How apropos that I quoted Edward Gibbon at my place today: “Conversation enriches the understanding, but solitude is the school of genius.”
Every writer deserves a sanctuary. Here’s wishing you yours.
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Thanks. I fully agree.
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I found reading the comments more enlightening than the actual post. What you could do is get yourself a good set of ear plugs. You can set up a play area for your son right in front of you so you’ll always have him in your sight, then you can concentrate on writing. Also, if you write with music playing in the background, you can always try a pair of noise-isolating earphones. I have a pair of Sennheiser and they are magic. My kids could be carrying on in the next room yet I’m tuned into my story without distraction. It may help, I don’t know…
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I’ve tried the headphones while he plays near me, but then he yanks them out of my ears to listen. That’s the difficult thing with him. If he realizes that I can’t hear him then he waits for me to be looking in the opposite direction and heads for trouble. He does this with my mom who is hard of hearing. Most times he gets upstairs to his room where he makes a mess, but one time I was on the phone and he got into the freezer to cook one of my frozen pizzas in his toy microwave.
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My boy is 5. I love him more than life but I am big enough to admit that the last year of nursery I nearly lost my marbles trying to write and be a Mum at the same time. I feel your pain. It’s so hard to write when there is so much other stuff that can;t be down prioritised or put off. There’s a hashtag for people like us by the way #slowwriters for people fed up with eating tortoise dust.
Cheers
MTM
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Thanks. I’m still hoping to keep up even half of my regular pace. I worry about happens when my next book comes out. If it’s a day where he’s around then I’m going to be exhausted by the time I’m done with the marketing side of the debut.
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Tell me about it. It gets easier when school starts but it’s still tricky.
Cheers
MTM
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He’s in preschool, so he’s out for most of the day as long as he isn’t sick, on vacation, or the weather is bad. Sadly, the weather has been terrible this week.
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This is where it’s a good thing that Britain is so cramped and small. I walk the wee man to school so we are able to go in pretty much all weathers…. although, of course, it’s not about 30 below the way you guys are getting. I hope you get some more writing time next week.
Cheers
MTM
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I hope so too. We’re pretty spread out here, so it does cause commute issues. Some days I do wish I lived in a small town where everything was in walking distance. If anything, I’d save on gas and get some extra exercise.
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That’s true, but on the flipside, when it’s raining my poor car does nothing but short journeys the oil never has time to warm up, it never goes over 20mph not good…. I have to take it for a burn to blow the carbon out of the engine from time to time.
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I know little about cars, so that’s the first I’ve ever heard of that having to be done. Interesting.
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I’m a petrol head. Ergo, it’s a silly car. I’m not even sure you have them over there, a thing called a Lotus. So I have to look after it more than if it was a sensible car. As I understand it, on short journeys, the oil doesn’t get properly warm, so it doesn’t get runny enough and it’s harder on the engine. It also guzzles petrol in town, although it’s excellent on long journeys.
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I’ve heard of a Lotus, but I don’t know if we have them here. If we do then they’re not very common or they’re luxury cars.
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If you look at the car on the about me bit of my blog. That’s… actually that’s my Lotus (entry level model).
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That’s a really nice car. I think I’ve seen a few of them around here. They’re one of the car types that seem to be very well maintained at all times.
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Thanks. They’re fiberglass bodied and there’s a fair bit of carbon fibre so, on the whole, they don’t rust 😉 although the paint bubbles after about 12 years!
Hope it’s warming up and you’re getting some writing done!
Cheers
MTM
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Thanks. It’s getting a bit warmer and I’m getting a bit of writing done. Waiting to hear on if I’m having a guest for the weekend or not.
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I have so much empathy and sympathy for you right now, pal. keep smiling and keep writing.
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Trying. It’s not been a good start to the year. It’s like the hits keep coming.
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