I’m making a jump from one topic to another in here, so prepare for the bumpy bridge.
Recently, a friend revealed that his wife is pregnant and he’s gearing up to be a first time father. Congrats were made along with a few jokes and the offer of advice whenever he had a question. Being a voracious reader, he got a book on what to expect. The result was this:
Hagrid
Like many of us, he had a surge of panic and then ranted about the book. It was all bad news and worst case scenarios. In fact, I realized that most sites and books I looked at were the same. Miscarriages, birth complications, newborn diseases, SIDS, lack of sleep, and the whole bad news parade. Nothing about the joy of holding your child for the first time, the comedy of diaper changes, advice on how to protect your furniture, and just useful stuff. It’s like the only thing we can do as a society is drive a person into a panic and think that’s helping. Nobody makes good decisions when in this state. It’s where mistakes and paranoia appear, so why do we do this?
The story ended happily when my friend giving up on the book and getting his vengeance with a 1-star review. Definitely a lot more relaxed since then and that’s how this stage of life should be. Be aware of the potential problems, but don’t let them overshadow the positive stuff. Let’s be honest here. Most children end up being exceptions to half the rules you read about. I was warned about my son not sleeping through the night, but that was never an issue. He never napped, so he conked out for 3-4 hours stints almost every night. Just happened that way because, this is important, every child is a unique individual. No matter what standardized tests try to say.
Now my friend’s plight got me thinking about my own parental thoughts. Mostly I’ve been looking at the world that I’m raising my son into. People are probably already sensing where this is going. Something that has been grinding down my mood and prolonging this bout of blues is that everything is so angry and hateful. The news is filled with negativity and people are hurling venom all across the Internet. Is this something new or did social media and 24 hour news merely make us more aware of a pre-existing issue? All I know for sure is that I’ve seen friendships end before of this childish shit. It’s become a contest to see who can kick each other in the balls the hardest. Thing about that is both sides end up in severe pain and infertile.
I’ve seen a lot of fights and heated discussions with a few sensible ones surprising the crap out of me. Yet, there’s a question I have in regards to the hate that is spilling out into the public psyche. There’s a toxicity in the air that is truly frightening and turning one person against another for reasons that might not even be real. Each side points at the other and thinks eliminating them will solve the problem. Compromise is seen as weakness while hatred has become an acceptable weapon. As an author, I know words are powerful and foul ones are being spewed without a thought of the consequences. This is the world that I’ve brought my son into and there’s no telling what it will become. It all comes down to this one question though:
Can we get rid of the hate without creating more hate?
Let’s be honest here. The poisonous genie is out of the bottle and there is no putting it back inside. You can’t say what is being said and then go back to normalcy as if it never happened. Words that are said in an instant can linger for the rest of your life, especially these days. So, where do we go from here? Can anybody really think that their side will win and the other will suddenly go along after everything that has been said? Doubtful, which means you’re going to have more animosity brewing and I’m scared to find out what happens when that finally hits the breaking point. It isn’t what you see now. Trust me when I say that the hatred is driving us toward something a lot worse.
This is probably the most political I’ll get here and I’m rather nervous about doing it in the first place. Just needed to vent. Tomorrow will be the usual goal post. I shall end with a meme that has a typo:
Yahoo Image Search
Legends of Windemere 
The genie has probably been floating round a while… communications let us see it better. Which might actually be a good thing… most ordinary folk see it for what it is, I think. We have to hope the fresh air of common sense will dissipate it eventually and we, as a species, might grow up just a bit.
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True, but I have to admit that I’m growing cynical. Every day seems to get worse and common sense can only do so much. The thing about the genie is that while everything was floating around, it was kind of under the surface. Now, the hate is front and center with no sense of shame.
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I know, but you have the particularly important job of raising the next generation with open eyes and heart instead of hate.
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That’s the plan. Yet one also needs to make sure the world they grew into isn’t one where such people are destroyed on a daily basis.
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From every angle it’s bad and difficult to stay positive. In my hippie days and the civil rights movement days there was much anguish in the air. I like to think we became a little bit saner as result of those efforts, but it’s almost as if we simply managed to put the lid on the pot and it’s boiling over again. Not sure how to turn the heat down or get the pot off the stove, but convinced it won’t happen overnight. Sad when we have role models spewing and inciting hatred. I can only imagine what we must look like to people living abroad.
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I’ve seen people living abroad comment on current events. Most of them are baffled by what’s going on. Maybe it’s only the groups I walk in, but there’s a sense of confusion about how we let it get this bad. Some have pointed out that similar events are happening in their country. So we don’t have the market on hate.
Maybe you’re right about putting the lid on the pot and letting it boil. Seems to have exploded at this point and made a mess of the kitchen. I really don’t see any way that this can be effectively repaired. Nobody wants to think of themselves as wrong or compromise to find a solution. It’s just a lot of blaming and hateful rhetoric.
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Worst Presidential election in my history, that’s for sure. Embarrassed by lack of civility. I put most of the blame on the media, shared by congress. It’s nationwide reality TV and it’s sickening.
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I can’t find one thing to point a finger at any more. The media is fueling it, politicians are ignoring it, candidates are using it, and citizens are getting sucked into it. I’ve seen so many people point fingers at one group or another that I wonder if that’s another aspect of the problem. We’re so quick to say ‘these people are the reason’ that we might not acknowledge our own part in it or that pointing the finger could make it worse.
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The scary part is that children can’t be raised in a bubble and that they take most of their cues from parents/family.
Ellespeth
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And the world around them now. The bubble method isn’t easy unless you block most of the Internet. Once a kid gets on social media, they’ll start seeing things.
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I try to stay out of it all. If someone jumps ugly at me I pretty much ignore and avoid them.
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I’ve been keeping my head down, but I can’t avoid seeing the stuff. FB blocking only goes so far for some reason.
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I don’t really understand Facebook so most of the crap is gone before I see it.
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It’s all politics, kid photos, cats, and whatever popular show is currently on TV.
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What you say is the truth and I completely agree with you. We live in a scary world today. I think the best thing we can do is continue to stay positive, treat others with kindness and hope other people follow suit and we all pay it forward.
The sad part is, there are plenty of happy news out there, but the media decides to focus more on the bad news because they get more attention from it… which is completely warped in itself.
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Basically weather the storm and stay true to ourselves. At the very least be examples to the next generation of how you should act.
That is true about the happy news being shoved to the shadows. Warped is a good way of putting it too.
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Reblogged this on Kate McClelland.
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Thanks for the reblog.
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You’re welcome Charles
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I love your commentary on hateful speech, and I agree that the lack of filtering on the Internet is a big contributor. However, as a parent, I know there are things you can do to shield your young son.
You and your wife can discuss and set standards for what your son is exposed to. For us, it was physical violence such as stabbing and impaling. Then turn off the program or change the channel when entertainments exceed your standards. You’ve told us your house is crowded, and not everyone may respect your standards. Stand ready to take your child out of the room if you must.
You also have every right to use your social media controls and block incoming material. I tend to block memes rather than people, but you might just unfriend people. Or you can politely say something to friends. Keep being polite and keep saying it. The antidote to hateful speech is courtesy.
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We do restrict what he watches. He’s not really a TV and computer kid, which makes it easier. When he is on them, it’s either animal shows or a DVD like ‘Inside Out’. Honestly, the biggest worry is when my dad is watching the news and my son walks in. That’s really the worst of what he can see here.
I blocked a lot of sites and friends as things progressed. Yet if another friend comments on something that a blocked friend does, I end up seeing it appear. I’ve noticed that being polite doesn’t really get me very far, so I just block and move on.
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I think there are more good people in the world than bad. Its just they don’t make the news. I guess you are referring to the political campaigning going on in the US right now?
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It is a shame that good people don’t make more big news than the bad ones. If it bleeds, it leads is a terrible motto to live by. As for the political campaigning, that is part of it.
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I completely agree, Charles. I dont watch the news on TV. It depresses me.
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I just go through the newspaper and occasionally Google news. Isn’t much better.
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No but at least you can pick and choose that way.
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Being a new dad is scary but also a time of great joy 🙂
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Much more joyful when you perfect your diaper changing skills.
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Well said – on both accounts.
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Thanks. 🙂
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