Hello hello, Miscreants.  My name is Charles Yallowitz, and I’ve been asked by the master of the miscreants to list some horrible attempts at book marketing. All in good fun here, so those with sensitive senses of humor, you might want to turn away:

1. Kidnap a celebrity and refuse to return them until 10,000 eBooks have been sold.  It helps to take a beloved celebrity instead of one that is simply famous.  Donald Trump, Snookie, Michael Moore, and others that are more infamous than famous might get you arrested after being stuck in a room with them.  The plus side is that you’ll be heading for a padded room instead of a cell.
2. Promotional condoms.  When a guy is opening a condom packet, he’s not interested in reading what’s on it.  As for the woman, if she’s able to read the condom then the guy is doing something wrong.