This week was exhausting and I’m actually write most of this post on Thursday because I don’t know how much energy I’ll have Saturday.  That and I want to spend the morning writing while my son is at his programs then the afternoon playing with him.  My eyes keep trying to close, so we’ll see what happens.  Tomorrow is a field trip where I get to walk across the Brooklyn Bridge, which I’m sure is going to use up the last of my energy for the week.  Let’s categorize to make things a tad easier.  Noticing that people kind of choose one or two things to respond to as well, so it should help out there.  (I’m guilty of this too at times.)

War of Nytefall: Eradication

Let’s start with the good news: I actually managed to write a chapter of a new book on Sunday . . . or was it Monday?  One of the challenges has been that the cold has sapped my energy like it does every winter.  So, I don’t always remember the exact days, especially with everything else you’ll see.  Anyway, the first chapter is done and I didn’t do too horrible.  Wandered off a lot because I needed to get my head away from reality and back to the story.  Since I tend to drift with the writing, I run a risk of my mind jumping to the stressful life situation that continues to get worse.  Still, I got the prologue down and that’s progress.  Part of me thinks I should put the first scene of Chapter 1 in there since it doesn’t have Clyde, but has Titus and Luther.  That shouldn’t be too hard and might be what I do Friday night or Saturday morning.  The point here is that I got writing done even though I failed to do anything else during the week.  You’re about to see why.

TESTS!

It was midterm week, so the schedule was off at school.  The student I help had three tests and my job was to read it to him and one other student.  Have to admit that I thought I would be working with another teacher, but I was going solo.  The initial shock wore off fast and I think I did a good job.  As usual, I can’t go into details about things because it wouldn’t be right.  It was fun to see the student I help get excited about some of the tests and be proud about knowing things.

The one thing I wasn’t ready for was the waiting for being needed.  Once my test was done, I was basically on call.  Got to do some reading and talk to people, but I’ll admit that part of me kept hoping I’d find something to do.  I considered taking my laptop to do some writing, but I didn’t think I’d be able to focus.  Finding a quiet place to write wouldn’t have been too hard.  The issue is that I’d have to keep part of my attention on my phone in case I got a message about being needed somewhere.  Better to hang out with the other teachers or grab some Naruto manga in the library.  I do feel bad that I read many of the issues that I requested from the local library.  Oops.

(Adding before posting)  The week did end with a fun field trip.  We went to the Freedom Tower and the walked across the Brooklyn Bridge.  It wasn’t that cold, but the walk was still a little grueling.  Doesn’t help that I’m out of shape, so I’m not the best judge of difficulty.  Going to the top of the tower where you get a 360 degree view of NYC was great and well worth the stuffy ears caused by the elevator.  When going up, they show the city growing over the years like its a virtual journey.  Highly recommend it if you can get there, but I’ve heard there’s a long waiting list.

Not a Free Night at All

Another reason I’m drained is because I didn’t get much time to relax.  Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday was my son’s martial arts nights as usual.  Tuesday and Friday he had doctor appointments that required me picking him up from school.  These resulted in me getting home around 7:30 most nights.  Went to biking for 15 minutes and then I was just worn out.  Spent more time watching Jessica Jones Season 1 because I knew I wouldn’t be able to write.  This might have been a uniquely chaotic week, so I hope to find a way to do some writing at night in the future.  Only getting the weekend will slow my progress down to a pretty big crawl.  Unless I use weekends for new stuff and edit during the weekdays.  That’s too rushed and it ignores that I have more important things like teaching, parenting, rebuilding, and sleeping.

The Comment-Attracting Posts

It seems my posts on Monday and Wednesday got a lot more attention than my normal stuff.  People really stepped in with their opinions on things.  I know I got a little heated with some of the talking because I felt like certain aspects of what I was saying were getting ignored.  A big one that keeps turning up is that my situation has changed in a very negative and chaotic way.  I truly wish I could talk about it in public, but I can’t without making things worse.  This isn’t something that one can shrug off and it’s probably going to leave scars for years.  So, I’m not taking to being told that I’ll find a way or things will get better very well.  I know a few people reached out in private to ask what’s going on and I got a few ‘Oh, shit!’ responses.  Keep in mind that this is something bad enough that I announced a semi-retirement and admit that I might not be able to do any real writing for years.  My time as a prolific author is done for now unless a miracle happens to make it a viable career.  Not holding my breath, which is why I’m focused more on teaching.

Another thing that I tried to explain a few times is that this ‘setback’ is more brutal and crushing than people might realize.  Since 2013, I’ve mostly met authors who were either retired or had a well-paying main job.  It was rare that I ran into another author who was going full-time because it was a gamble.  One that I thought I was winning, but then I just failed.  Support systems crumbled, sales died, and everything fell apart to the point where I feel like I was an idiot for trying.  People who claimed for years that I could make it have changed their tunes to saying I should never have tried.  Most don’t say it to my face, but it gets back to me.  I don’t know how many people out there truly understand what this all means and why positive thinking doesn’t really work.  I jumped for the brass ring and got yanked into the carousel’s gears.  Can’t say that I’m dead, but I’m certainly mangled and bleeding.  So, I am wondering why talent doesn’t seem to be a factor to success and why so few people decided to follow me to a new series.  If it’s all luck and I have to rebuild every time I start something new then how does anyone make it?

Again, there’s more going on here that I can’t get into.  The day I can talk about it should have people understanding why I’m in the state that I’m in.  Let’s get to the goals.

1. Get at least one more chapter of War of Nytefall: Eradication done.
2. Lego time!
3. Introduce my son to Labyrinth.
4. Catch up on sleep and do more biking.
5. Prepare for the Super Bowl.
6. Prepare for the Puppy Bowl.
7. Try to get better.