So, I’m not really sure what to write here. Feel like I should say something though since the book is delayed and I’ll be a rarity on Sunday and Monday. Tomorrow will be spent preparing for the health thing on Monday. Not going into the ugly details on any of this and I’m hoping this brings in some answers to a chronic issue I’ve had for the last couple of years. Be nice if it ends up being something curable. Guess we’ll have to wait and see what happens.
I got a little work done on Ichabod Brooks outlines and this should have been the last week that I have to drive my wife to and from work. It’ll depend on how quickly she regains mobility of her arm since there’s stiffness and atrophy. She’ll be trying to drive around the block today, so we’ll see what happens there too. Feels like all I can do these days is wait and see because I have no control over anything. The urge to further with this line of thinking is strong, but it’s backfired a few times. People walk away, those who lurk come after me with questions outside of the blog, and I get the long line of supportive statements that, I hate to admit, don’t have much of an effect on me.
Hell, I’ll take a step into this realm since it’s been a year of depression for me. Have you ever reached a point where you feel like you’re living for other people? No matter what you do, at least 90% of your activities and actions are because someone needs or asks you to do it? Your own goals and projects get pushed to the side while you lend a hand or take on an added responsibility to take pressure off others. Yet, there is never a point where you catch a break. The stress and pressure remains along with promises that you can relax, but somebody else steps up to the plate the instant the last one moves back to give you a breather. You become nothing more than a gradually eroding workhorse that can’t pull even a glimmer of joy from his/her own activities.
Maybe this is why Ichabod Brooks stuff is taking so long to outline. Moments of inspiration and drive are fleeting since I’ve been doing so much. If I’m not tending to my wife, I’m wrangling an enraged 8-year-old and draining myself. I noticed a while back that I don’t even food shop for myself since most of the items on the list are either for the entire house or other people. Throughout it all, I’m repeatedly asked how my writing is going and if I’ll continue in 2018. It’s now done in a way that I know the questioners are hoping for me to resign myself to failure. All those posts about support and I’ve been standing here on a shaky pedestal that can be knocked over with a sneeze. Doesn’t help that I have no idea what I can or should do next. I’ve looked for an agent, publishers, cover artists for the future projects, and even people that might be able to transform my books into comics or cartoons. No luck and that might be because I feel rather broken.
Honestly, this came to a head Friday when I was running errands and realized that I had only one week before my son’s break. I might still be releasing Warlord of the Forgotten Age and being a rarity online since I don’t think January releases are any good. That’s if I can get to it since long breaks result in me being pestered to have a full day event planned every day. I’m simply not allowed to let him play in the house while I get work done unless I accept the irritating guilt trips. This has been my life all year and I’m finding myself repeatedly asking if I exist solely for other people. Writing about fate and destiny has caused me to consider my own cosmic role, which never ends with a decent answer. The floor has been ripped out from under me so often that part of me doesn’t want to get up any more.
As weird as it sounds, I think another factor is that I’ve been reading manga and watching anime a lot. Specifically, the grand adventures like One Piece, Fullmetal Alchemist, Soul Eater, Fairy Tail, and I just started in on original Dragon Ball. These are either iconic or getting there and beloved in multiple countries. They’re also very similar in tone and focus to what I’m doing, so I’m almost hurting myself by diving into series that have achieved what I want. Being unable to draw or animate means I can’t go this route, but that doesn’t really make me change my mind here.
Guess I went into this more than I wanted, but I have nothing else to say. I did nothing for myself this week. Presents for others, driving for others, and errands for others. Doesn’t even look like I’ll be given any real time for recovery after Monday since people keep saying it’s a standard procedure that everyone gets. Seems to ignore the fact that this is being done because there’s a problem, which means it will either find an issue or lead to other tests.
So, what will I do next week?
- Medical procedure takes precedence.
- Work more on ‘The Longbow of Ichabod Brooks’ outlines.
- Continue search for new cover artist. Any suggestions will be appreciated.
- Get back into biking unless I’m driving again.
- Car needs an oil change.
- Return to being my son’s chauffeur for martial arts.
- Keep reading Dragon Ball.
- Figure out days during break to do the Lego sets my son will be getting. 2 of them are over 1,000 pieces. I’d hope for a few days of snow, but those result in me having to be outside instead of inside.
Legends of Windemere 
I pray the procedure goes well.
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Thanks.
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🙂
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I’m sorry your health – physical and otherwise – is getting to you, and so many demands from others keeps making it worse. I hope this medical issue can be resolved somehow, preferably without the need for too many tests after whatever you’re having done on Monday. Good luck with that, by the way.
Jacob Blackmon – the cover artist who did my Zeena Dragon Fae series, and a few of my other covers – is almost always accepting commissions, always great about delivering his covers on time – if not early – and good enough that he does some artwork for paizo. I can tell you where to contact him if you’re interested.
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Thanks. What’s Paizo? I’ll take a look at his covers too. Since the next series is vampires, I’m probably looking for someone that can do dark covers.
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Sorry… I assumed as a gamer you’d know. They’re the company that does the Pathfinder roleplaying stuff, along with some other roleplaying systems. They’re at http://www.paizo.com if you want to check them out.
Jacob does all kinds of things. You can check them out on Deviant Art. He’s at https://prodigyduck.deviantart.com/
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Never got into Pathfinder. Heard a lot about it.
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That would explain it then. It’s a pretty good system. If you’re familiar with some of the D&D systems, it’s not difficult to get to grips with. At least, that’s my opinion, and the people I game with seemed to transition from D&D to Pathfinder easily too.
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Might explain why I see so many of my old D&D friends talking about it. By the way, how much does your cover artist usually charge?
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He charges $275 for a cover and around $50 (give or take, depending on if it’s black and white or colour, and how much detail is required) for artwork you can use in posts or whatever.
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Thanks. I’ll keep him in mind. Usually only go for covers due to funds. The whole vampire thing is throwing me off.
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It’s usually just covers I go for too, though I have had him do a couple of pieces of just artwork for me in the past for use on some of the book pages on my website. Still, I figured I’d mention it, since the option is there, and I know some authors like to do that kind of thing.
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Thanks. I’ll put him on what is looking like a really short list.
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I remember those feelings of being absorbed by the world. After the kids got older it improved a lot. With three of them it was a constant effort to deliver one or the other to something or other. I hope January releases are great. I could publish The Hat today, but I’m not going to give 2017 the satisfaction. I’ll use my Christmas vacation time to write some blog tour posts and get ready for a January release.
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Might be with you on January. The thing with me and my time is that the kid is least of my distractions. It’s more the adults that don’t take me seriously when it comes to writing. I figure the kid needs me to help him grow, so he’s worth it.
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The kid is absolutely worth it. It’s a shame you don’t have a two hour stretch where everyone respects your time and lets you write. It would be awesome even if it had to be early or late.
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The periods where I get alone time tend to be errands. That or I’m left with chores. Makes me wonder how I managed to write, edit, and finish a 15 book series actually.
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It’s an accomplishment, no doubt. Particularly when you factor in the handicap.
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Be nice if I can do it again. 😁
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I think you will. 2017 sucked for everyone. 2018 is looking pretty bright on my front. I might be fooling myself, but it’s a nice outlook.
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2018 is going to be weird for me. All new series, first year my son doesn’t have summer school, and a hunt for a new cover artist. Not sure of anything else beyond that.
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It’s nice to know a few cover artists. Surf around on DeviantArt. When you find someone you like, drop them a line.
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I tried that and no bites yet.
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Took me a long time too. The only other one I know only does science fiction cityscapes and such. He’s awesome, but it doesn’t work for you. He doesn’t do characters either. There is a board where you can post jobs for artists. I’ll try to find it for you.
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Thanks. The toughest part here is that it’s a series. So I need someone willing to go for a long haul.
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So sad… God Bless! You and the kid! ♥
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Thanks. Fingers crossed. 🙂
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Wishing you well, Charles. When the procedure is out of the way that will be one load off your mind. Then, when your wife’s broken bone is healed, that will ease the load. You are not alone!
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Thanks. She got the cast off last week, but the muscle atrophy and stiffness is an issue. I figure my 2017 might just be done though.
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Here’s to 2018!
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Know what you mean about the manga and anime. I’ve been playing way too much Dragon Age!
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Guess it could be worse. I’m feeling a little inspired after them. Just no energy these days.
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Why do parents always insist on buying 1000 piece LEGO sets for kids and end up putting them together for them – myself included! – we used to go through that with Andrew. So glad he’s grown – sort of. My grandson asked for one for Christmas and my daughter said NO. She has a lot more will power than I had! Hope the medical procedure brings you the results you want. Milk it and have someone wait on you for a change! 😉 Have a happy holiday! ~Elle
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I enjoy putting them together since we do it as a team. It also means I know how to fix them if they break. Doesn’t look like anyone will wait on me. Still waking early to get the kid ready for school and wife ready for work. Her arm is free of the cast, but not very strong.
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You are a good man. Pat yourself on the back now and then…
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Thanks. 😊
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