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We all want reviews and there’s always the one that makes us regret politely asking that people leave reviews. Then we go right back to asking for them because they’re part of the life blood of an author. Reviews are the highs and lows of our adventure, which are becoming harder and harder to come by. Now, the methods of getting reviews are numerous in amount and range all across the morality spectrum. Instead of poking fun at how we get them, I’m going to give some T&C tips about reacting properly. I have to say this is humorous because it’s a topic that people take very seriously. Been there before and don’t have any plans of revisiting that debate again.
- Do NOT publicly react to negative reviews even if they get personal. If you have loyal readers then they will handle it, but responding in person tends to create a worse situation than before. Besides, most people will read a review that’s all personal insults and not take it seriously. Unless you start a flame war with the reviewer and begin threatening their loved ones. Do I even have to tell you that such a thing is bad form?
- Do NOT copy a 5-star review and post it on your blog in an attempt to show people what you think everyone should do. Post it to say thanks and give the person credit for brightening your day. Holding one review up as the ideal can cause two problems. First, you end up insulting anyone else who gave you a positive review. You know those stars can be changed, right? Second, now you’ll get a bunch of 5-star reviews that are carbon copies of each other and an email from Amazon that your books are being taken down. Oops!
- Do NOT send pizza to positive reviewers and gefilte fish to negative reviewers. It can come off as creepy and the second option can be mistaken for an attempt at poisoning, which means the police get involved. Gets even worse if you don’t warn anyone and leave people wondering how you got their address. There’s also that issue of the pizza going bad before it arrives since it might be long-distance. As far as that happening with the gefilte fish, who would really notice?
- Do Not tattoo full reviews on your body. You only have so much space and some can be fairly long. Not to mention the creepy factor, especially if you post pictures. Whoever is tattooed on your butt might have some harsh words for you too.
- Do be proud of the reviews you earn and take some positive energy from them. At least the good ones. Learn from the negative ones and improve. Wait . . . I don’t think this is a funny one.
- Do Not complain to Amazon that somebody gave you a negative review. This might be out of sight of people and maybe you can find a rationale about how it’s a terrible, unfair thing. Yet, it won’t get you anywhere other than a possible warning. On the other hand, you can complain about a positive one and get that wiped out in case you feel like being masochistic.
- Do Not write about a review when emotional, which mostly goes for negatives. You will inevitably say something foolish and find yourself spending more time putting out fires than writing a new book. Vent to a friend in private, write poetry that you will never share, and whatever else it takes to calm down before touching social media.
Legends of Windemere 
Pingback: Ways to Handle Reviews – The Militant Negro™
Excellent advice, Charles. I have a personal policy which keeps me from commenting publicly about any review. I will reblog it if it is on a post but other than tanking the reviewer no other comments. 😀
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Great advice! We’ve all heard stories of authors who got angry at reviewers and subsequently received one-star reviews from dozens of angry reviewers.
Another piece of advice that goes with number 7: don’t respond to reviews while drunk.
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Forgot about the drunk one. Pretty sure I’ve seen that one in action.
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Reblogged this on Chris The Story Reading Ape's Blog and commented:
Messrs Tongue & Cheek give great advice 👍😃
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Thanks. 😁
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Welcome 😄
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A bad review is better than no review at all.
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I’m actually torn on that. Really depends on the quality and that goes for positive too. Probably be easier to handle if Amazon didn’t have the average star ranking.
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That star ranking thing on Amazon does change things.
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I keep hearing that they consider stopping it, but I’ve been hearing that for years. Probably just rumors by now.
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Reblogged this on When Angels Fly.
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Thanks. 😁
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🙂
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LOL! I totally laughed at this post, Charles. Great tips. I can personally relate to #3 but I thought that was just between us. 😉
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No idea what you’re talking about. *whistling while hiding the pizza boxes*
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Very helpful insight into reviews. Thanks for the tips
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You’re welcome. 🙂
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Good advice, Charles. And I might add that pizza and gefilte fish is a nice touch 🙂
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Thanks. Think that’s my favorite part. 😀
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Thanks for this humorous advice, Charles. I think the worst is when someone gives you low stars but no review so you don’t know what they didn’t like. How can you work on it then? Very unhelpful.
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I hate that and high stars no review. As you said, neither are very helpful.
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I often wonder if I should star reviews. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t. I have never paid much attention to the stars, it’s the impression of the book that matters to me.
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I thought you had to star rate them. At least on Amazon.
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I’ll have to remember that as I do post to Amazon and Goodreads as well.
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Come to think of it, the Goodreads ones don’t always have stars. I think. Haven’t been really active there.
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Me either until recently.
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Reblogged this on Author Don Massenzio.
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Thanks. 👍
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You’re welcome
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Great list, Charles. Thank you.
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Glad you enjoyed it. 🙂
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Being the Fabulous Feline that I am, I never have to worry about negative reviews. (Then again, my fabulousness is confined to short stories on TSRA’s blog only, so I guess…well, never mind. :::Cheshire grin::::) Number 3 tickled ALL my funny bones!
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Lucky. How do you keep all your fabulousness confined to one blog?
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It’s hard, Charles … let me tell you, it’s hard. *wink wink*
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I respond by liking or starring positive comments on my blog. On Amazon they ask if reviews were helpful. You can say yes on positive reviews. I would be wary of saying no, though.
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I know the ‘helpful’ thing has been used and abused in the past. Then again, what hasn’t on Amazon? Agree that saying ‘no’ makes some people wary. Seems much easier to be positive on there for some reason.
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Pingback: Writing Links 11/6/17 – Where Genres Collide
Reblogged this on Nicholas C. Rossis and commented:
Some wise words from Charles
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Thanks for the reblog.
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Another great post 🙂
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“…and begin threatening their loved ones.” Troll-reviewers have loved ones?
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Pingback: Some great advice about how to handle reviews #authors | deborahjay
Reblogged this on M J Mallon Author and commented:
Tips on handling reviews by Charles Yallowitz
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Thanks for the reblog
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You are welcome Charles. 🙂
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Great advice shared to my Authors Bloggers Rainbow Support Club #ABRSC on Facebook and to my blog. 🙂
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Glad you enjoyed it. 😁
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Great advice. Love your sense of humor! 😀
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Thanks. Glad the humor side is coming across.
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Like your advice…well, exception being my 5-Star tatoo! Have a great week – AND, I’m honored to be part of the group! ♥
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Thanks. I guess the 5-Star tattoo would be similar to restaurants showing off their first dollar. 😜
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