This week’s guest blog is brought to us by the delightful, funny, and hard-working Ionia Martin of Readful Things. She also is the mastermind behind The Community Storyboard where writers and readers from all walks of life can gather for some fun. Did I mention she’s hard-working? If you haven’t had the joy of checking out both of Ionia’s blogs then I suggest you take the time to do so.
Now, I asked Ionia to make a list of Do’s and Donts’ for the Indie Authors. I thank her for taking up the challenge and having fun with it. Enjoy.
It had to be done. 😀
So you have decided to be an indie author, huh?
I can always count on Charles Yallowitz, the owner of this here excellent blog for two things. Number 1: He writes great books.
Number 2: He is always entertaining and ensures that his posts far outweigh any other responsibilities I deem as important on any given day. He’s cool like that.
Charles has asked me to write a guest blog. Guess what? I have no idea what I am doing. I have guests on my blog all the time, but this is the first time anyone has asked me to guest blog. I have a plan and it goes a little something like this—I’m gonna wing it and hope I don’t crash and burn. Tell my mum I loved her. Anyone want four slightly used kids? Almost good as new. Kinda.
Here is a list of do do and don’t don’t for the indie author (emphasis on the doodoo)
- Do: Develop a thick skin. You will need it. I don’t mean thick like a piece of sandpaper. I mean thick like Thomas Harris “it puts the lotion on the skin” kidnap a rhino and make a coat kind of thick. If you are thin-skinned you will bleed to death when you get your first 1 star Amazon Review.
- Don’t: Act like a selfish jerk. Share your blog space and tweets and Facebook page with other authors and interact with fans. When you are pointing your index finger at someone else, you still have three fingers pointing back at you. Three of your own fingers pointing back at you are better than just the middle one pointing your way from someone else.
- Do: Read trashy tabloids and watch celebrity gossip shows. This will remind you why you don’t want to be an overnight success and suddenly have the paparazzi stalking you. As an indie author, you can get away from work long enough to check the mail in your bunny slippers and robe and no one is likely to photograph you. Unless you live next to Charles. He takes photos and sells them to the highest bidder on the off chance one of us might make fame someday. Success comes with hard work, not unrealistic expectation.
- Don’t: judge your success by that of someone else. I like to look at the moon (not that one Charles) but I am not trying to be an astronaut. Is your favourite author Stephen King? Mine too. Love him. Named my blog after his honour. Great, brilliant guy. Also has those nerdy glasses that make him look like a bug. I don’t want to look like a bug. Bugs hit windshields. I am happy being me and writing what I write. Like this post. Have I mentioned this is a guest post and I am the guest? So cooooooool. I digress. Be happy being you, everyone else is already taken.
- Do: Learn to talk about your work with confidence. There is a way to be confident and yet humble. It is a learned art. You don’t have to drive a fancy car or live in a mansion to exude confidence in something you are good at. Look back at history for evidence of this. Do you think Ghandi, Mother Theresa, Abraham Lincoln and Jesus were all afraid to persevere and be good at what they did simply because they had not made millions? Unlikely. I doubt Da Vinci’s diamonds were all that sparkly anyway. Not nearly as sparkly as a modern day vampire.
- Don’t: (On the reverse side of this) exude so much confidence in yourself and your ability to take over the world that you inadvertently look like a giant nincompoop. (I love that word, don’t you?) Whether you are broke or rich, fat or thin, black or white, indie or traditional, supporting yourself with your writing or not, chances are good you are human. It is good to remember this after you have seen some success. You might see some more, it is contagious. Grateful people are more likely to catch the disease.
- Do: Treat your blurb lik your bok. Noting is werse than when an autor does a fabilus job of editng there book and ten mispells words witch are ment to cell his book to his audience. Sumtimes thos words are sneaky two. It is such a waist of good talent. Some of them are very plane to sea. Others will say oh deer if they see them and refuse to bye your book. Homophones can bee quit disturbing if left unchecked as well.
- Don’t: Give up after two months of not hitting the New York Times best seller list. Anything worth doing takes time. Ask an Ent. (Those majestic tree critters the elves refer to as Onodrim.)They may take a while to explain it to you. I will wait here while you go ask them. Hmmm hmmm, la la la. Boy, you were gone forever. I thought you were never coming back. Moving on.
- Do: Build a support network. This can include family, friends, people you randomly accost on the street. Maybe not so much that last one. Build a blog. Keep up with your Twitter and Facebook accounts and publish quality material that has nothing to do with your books once in a while. Be human and let people know that you have faults. I love that I can post a random picture of a dog peeing on a fire hydrant and I will get 50 likes. What I love more is that there will be a few comments as well and chances are someone will say something that will encourage and inspire me to write. Even if it is about dog piddle. You need support because you can’t do this alone.
- Don’t: Think that once your book is finished the hard part is over. The hard part has just begun. You have a long road ahead of you full of learning, failing, succeeding and failing some more. Don’t think your book is “good enough” to be published. You either know it is, or you risk making a name for yourself that you can’t live down throughout your career, (with the exception of a couple of folks and I’m not pointing fingers here, that wrote their books and published them at sixteen.) You may eventually live it down, but it will take a while. J
- Do: Stop reading my rubbish and go write a book already. See, I told you Charles was to blame for the lack of writing going on around here. Best wishes and good luck to you all. I look forward to reading your best sellers!
Legends of Windemere 
I can’t believe you actually found a cupcake eating squirrel.
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It was a lot easier than I expected. I thought I’d have to settle for a squirrel-shaped cupcake, but apparently squirrels love stealing those sweet mini-cakes.
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Poor little Debbie–she was mauled
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Yeah, but she was delicious. 😀
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Now we know what really happened to Little Red
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I never thought my name would by synonymous with rodents and cupcakes. I feel good.
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Revel in your role as Mistress of Squirrels and Cupcakes. 😀
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That could be a book title
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Have at it. A sorceress with squirrel minions who works out of a house of cupcakes. 😀
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I can hear my writing career going down the drain, but the sound is so inviting.
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I should have a cupcake-loving character in the Yum-Tum Tavern stories.
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It does say yum
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I got it. A were-squirrel pastry maker!
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Do were-squirrels only eat cupcakes on full moons?
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On full moons, they only eat the cupcakes of other people. The rest of the month, they’re nice and make their own.
I need to design my 30 were-races eventually. I already have tiger, wolf, rat, boar, and vulture. Squirrel sounds like a good addition to the crew.
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Ha! I live for the day. Huckleberry hound …why did I think of that?
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That’s old school. Not sure why. Now I’m thinking of Snagglepuss.
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Moose and squirrel
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Can’t beat that show.
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Reblogged this on Author Unpublished and commented:
Some great tips and reminders about Indie Authoring to save your sanity 🙂
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Thank you:) I feel special today:)
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psh. You’re special every day XD
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🙂 Shucks…
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Good choice for guest blogger. She’ll take over WordPress soon, so it’s good to get in good with the Queen.
Later…
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Good point. I’m surprised she hasn’t taken over already. Maybe she’s biding her time.
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Patient revolutionaries seem to always win out, while the dramatic cult-of-personality types arc like shooting stars. Probably a good strategy.
Later…
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You are both absolved from beheading
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It’s good to know the Queen !
Later…
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Oh awesome guest post! Hardly rubbish. Book writing tho? I’ll pass. I almost think this is just good advice on being a good human, not just an indie author. Thanks Ionia for taking the time to do this! 🙂
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Brilliant post. Wonderful advice and so amusingly delivered. I may have to reblog this too. This is not helping my reblog habit you know 🙂
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Thank you for the reblog. Hey look Charles, it isn’t just us blabbering away together. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Missed this thread somehow. But since this is Charles blog we must be sensible 🙂
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We appreciate you making us look less like the geeks all alone
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Reblogged this on Julian Froment's Blog and commented:
Brilliant guest post by the brilliant Ionia. Great advice and very amusingly presented.
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‘Be happy being you, everyone else is already taken.’ – love it.
And now, if you’ll excuse me, I have an unaccountable craving for cupcakes.
Or perhaps a squirrel.
Hmm…
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Thank you:) I am afraid you can blame Charles for the squirrels, I accept responsibility for the cupcakes.
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But . . . yeah I guess I am to blame on that one.
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It’s not your fault but I’m going to blame you anyway…who said that?
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Ah-hah! A Conspiracy!
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It was all Charles. He threatened to fire a cupcake at the squirrel if I did not comply.
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The fiend!
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It was a muffin actually. Those are expendable.
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Jesus, Ionia… you’re everywhere today! Great post guys. Charles and Ionia are turning in to a formidable team!
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You just used Jesus and Ionia in the same sentence. I may retire now, i have reached my goal.
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I thought you’d like that.
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Great, great, great advice and a wonderful post – thank you Ionia, and thank you Charles! Plus, cupcake stealing squirrels. My day is complete. 😉
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Always worth a view if there are squirrels
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Very nice. Funny too. Thanks both.
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You guys are sooo funny. But such a great blog, that I must reblog 😉
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Thank you, on both accounts. Charles is really the funny one though. I’m just the trusty side kick.
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Reblogged this on 1WriteWay and commented:
Great (and funny) list of do’s and dont’s by Ionia Martin!
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Reblogged this on jessicaschaubbooks and commented:
I love the humor! When we write, we can wrap ourselves up in our own ideas, we forget there is a world out there spinning madly away. Take a moment from what you are doing and read this – a humorous look at how-to and how-not-to be an Indie Author… or anything else you are striving for! Excellent guest post Ionia!
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Thank you so much for the reblog and for your kind comment:) And thank you Charles for hosting me, the squirrel and the cupcake. We all appreciate it.
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Any time. Thank you for being a guest.
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Charles and Ionia – well done! I reblogged this – too good to not share!
Cheers!
Jessica
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Wait…wait… It’s a bad thing to exude confidence in one’s ability to take over the world? But…but…
Well, good thing my confidence went far beyond that. I intend to conquer the universe.
What I mean is, excellent post and a very nice pick-me-up. These are very helpful reminders to all of us homo sapiens who would be authors. Inspirational, indeed.
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Ordinarily I would use my overconfident personality here to debate who will actually control the universe, but you are going to protect me from bigfoot so rather instead, I shall King you:)
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Ruling the universe is fine, I guess. I prefer to build my own and rule over it without question, but that’s just me. 😉
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What are you doing here? Didn’t you get chained up in the dungeon?
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Ate through the chains and bribed the guard with a kick to the head. Was I supposed to behave and stay in there? People have to tell me these things.
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Oh I was just heading your way with dynamite disguised as cupcakes.
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Can’t eat dynamite. Goes right to my thighs.
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Well there goes that plan
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I’m running from bigfoot. If I see a bigfoot, I’m going to leave people thinking I was a ghost. Because that’s how quickly I’d vanish. LMAO.
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Lol. Well all right then. I will protect you.
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Interesting. What’s your stance on Yetis?
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Yetis. Yetis. I thought they were the same as bigfoot, but I think I’d run from a Yeti, too, unless said Yeti happened to be “nice”. I’ve heard stories about encounters that were a bit…well, creepy. Oh oh…hey, if you’re into this stuff, there’s this great podcast called Mysterious Universe. These Australian guys do it. It’s pretty neat. http://mysteriousuniverse.org
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Yetis are the mountainous, cold weather version of Bigfoot. Abominable Snowmen. That kind of thing. Cool looking podcast. Thanks.
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Reblogged this on chrismcmullen and commented:
Some great advice here. 🙂
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Thank you Chris. This was really a lot of fun!
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Reblogged this on Saunved….
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Thank you Saunved!
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Wait…don’t thank me yet…*whispers* is the rodent shooter ready? 😀
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I’m loading in the furry buggers now.
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*Please do it in extreme slow motion. My novel isn’t ready yet*
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Lol slow mo squirrel
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Fantastic! Loved it and Ionia writes these facts in such an amusing style. I love the reference and parallels to other, more famous beings. I shall be following her blog too from now on – great stuff. Thank you. 🙂
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Why thank you! I noticed yesterday that you have certainly published some very excellent articles to your blog as well. Many things worth discovering there:)
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Thank you so much! 🙂
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Good Job! Very well done. useful information AND you make me laugh at least once a day!
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Only once? We fail you m’lady
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You aren’t failing me…I just fail to tune in some days!
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Have you read my blog today? You might recognise my feature:)
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Pingback: Week 9: What Caught My Senses This Week | Keep Calm and Write On
Great advice.
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Thank you:) This was a lot of fun!
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Love it! Going to reblog.
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Reblogged this on WANDA S. PARYLA.
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Thank you so much!
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Yes! This was fabulous–I too will be reblogging.
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Reblogged this on One Starving Activist and commented:
Great list of indie do’s and don’ts…
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Thank you so much, we appreciate you reading and reblogging!
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Loved this post and the banter between the dynamic duo (Charles & Ionia) in the comments. You two are hilarious!
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I blame the threat of squirrel-ing.
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I blame you.
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I blame Greg.
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I blame Charles.
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Totally excellent regardless of who blames whom.
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