This is a rather common conversation for me:
Me: I didn’t get much writing done yesterday.
Other Speaker We’ll Call Bob: That’s what happens when you have kids.
Me: Why do you think my son is the reason?
Bob: Because you have kids.
Me: I didn’t say it was my son.
Bob: Oh . . . you see Iron Man 3 yet?
It’s funny how everyone jumps to the conclusion that my distractions stem from the 3-year-old. Apparently, it can’t be my addiction to my WordPress reader, the other adults in the house, a headache, errands, or any number of distractions. It’s always my son, who takes the blame for my lack of writing. To be specific, other people assume he’s the cause while I know he’s not.
You see, I’m fortunate enough to have a son that can entertain himself. Sure, he may set up his Spongebob keyboard next to my laptop and sit next to me ‘typing’. He might even try once every few weeks to hit the laptop keys, which he isn’t subtle about. The game is for me to stop him and not for him to actually hit the keys. Yet, I still manage to get more work done around him than when I’m with the adults. Maybe it’s because his interruptions tend to involve playing, cuteness, and a child’s want to be with daddy.
The truth is that a small child doesn’t know you’re working on a new novel or bustling around the internet to market your published works. My son has no concept of time beyond the present, which is entirely understandable. He’s three. To expect him to understand the concept of goals, limited time, and novel writing is rather ridiculous. That still doesn’t make it right to point at him as the main distraction like many adults do.
There is definitely a mentality that a person with children will never accomplish everything they set out to do. We’re raised to believe that we sacrifice everything for our children, which is taken to the extreme. Do we sacrifice for our children? Of course we do because they depend on us. Do we give up our dreams and goals in life? Sadly, a lot of parents do this and think that it’s the only way. It really isn’t, but they don’t want to accept that they sacrificed too much. Seriously, your kid goes to bed early and gives you a few hours to do stuff. Every night doesn’t have to be television night.
Aside from waiting for your child to fall asleep, you can always try to work a little while they’re around. It isn’t the easiest thing to do, so maybe you can plan a future project or design a few characters. Simple things that are progress even if they aren’t big steps. If you’re working on something small then it is easier to step away to handle the toddler and then return. It takes some discipline and practice to learn to jump tracks. It took me years to master this ability since I’ve always been surrounded by people that interrupted me. Music helps with focus, especially if you’re battling a tantrum that has reached the point of ‘leave the kid alone’.
The truth of the matter is that a child is only a negative distraction if you look at it that way. A child can be a positive distraction that gives you some exercise and makes you feel young. Keeping up with a toddler gets my blood pumping and his antics force me to think outside my own mental box, which is a monumental task. As artists of any kind, we forget to take breaks and rush toward the end like crazy people. The benefit of having a child (dogs work too if you don’t want to change diapers) is that you have a reason to step away from your fantasy world and revel in your reality. After all, there will be a point where your child doesn’t want to play with you any more. If you don’t take advantage of it now then you might regret being more author than parent.
Legends of Windemere 
Great post, and it’s so true. Yes, kids can be a distraction, but it’s not always that bad. Sure, I hate when my “flow” is interrupted when I have to break up a fight- er, a disagreement among gentlemen. But really, I work around it. I do blog posts during the day, because they don’t require as much focus as fiction does. I write in the morning before they’re up, and at night if my husband is working evenings.
Confession: even when I have the house to myself during the day, I get distracted. Like you said, there’s the WordPress reader, there’s facebook, there’s… well, you know. I’ve managed to give up games, which really don’t do anything for me but waste time (I know other people feel differently, this is just me), but there are always a hundred other distractions. That’s why I love events like NaNoWriMo- I have permission to ask the family for more time, and I’m forced to focus. I need that, but it’s not the kids’ fault.
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I get distracted too. I’m all alone until 3 for the next two weeks. I haven’t gotten to my book, but I’ve gotten a few smaller projects done. Though, I have a sinus headache today due to bad weather, so I’m sluggish to start with.
My wife has a lot of nighttime shows that she watches, so if it’s a night where she has one of those, I do writing while she watches. It’s typically us in the same room. I have this knack of typing away on a story and blocking out everything. The only thing I react to is a child crying or babbling because I think it’s my son. Even then, I slip back into my world with relative ease. Probably comes from playing in the world for over a decade. It’s like a second home, so I don’t lose the flow as easily as I did in my early days.
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What a wonderful post! I see many people blame their children for reasons they can’t accomplish something, which is absurd. I am looking forward to being a parent someday, I know it’ll be hard work at times, but it will also be amazing.
If you don’t take advantage of it now then you might regret being more author than parent. – Wise words indeed.
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I’ve met a lot of adults whose fathers were the workaholic type and were rarely around. They always say that they understand, but wished their dad tried to spend more time at home. I think parenthood has a lot of hindsight because you never know if you’re doing it right until years down the road.
It’s hard work, but I fully admit that it’s worth it to wake up to a happy child trying to read his book to you while sitting on your head. It was one of those mornings.
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As soon as my daughter wakes up i stop writing, because she has lots to tell me. I do not expect to write when my children are awake, because I need dive a level below consciousness and see the world. That’s hard for me to do, if I have potential distractions around me.
I have not tried the keyboard idea. She has a keyboard and likes to type on it, but I haven’t brought it in to the office area. Good idea.
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My son is the one that started the keyboard thing. I thought my dad was watching him while I was finishing a chapter. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a bright blue keyboard get pushed onto the table and then my son just sat down in the chair next to me. So, I give him full credit for that.
When my son is awake and running around, I try not to write, but I keep my laptop on nearby. He has a habit of saying that he doesn’t want to play and entertains himself. When he does that, I don’t have anything else to do.
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I might try to manage my ever-growing social media empire with my tablet while they (I have a 16 month old son as well) are running around and entertaining themselves. Responding to comments and posting doesn’t require as much concentration.
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That’s what I do when he’s home and rambunctious. I design characters too and tell him about them as I go along. Sad to say, he’s the only one who listens to me around here. 🙂
I can imagine the 16-month-old is a handful.
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Going to try to engage my three year old with the characters from my novel. See what she does. She’s the talker. The 16 month old just like to follow her around.
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Gotta love the shadow stage.
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Wonderful post! Do you think the toddler might be a future writer?
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No idea. He’s trying to read to us, so he likes books. He’s showing more interest in music, airplanes, and cars right now. We’re thinking musician, pilot, or mechanic.
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All very good jobs! He’s got a bright future ahead of him! Good luck, Toddler! (And nice work, Dad and Mom!)
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Thanks. As long as he doesn’t go pornstar or mathematician, I’ll be happy. 😀
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Eh hm, I whole-heartedly agree with you.
And now I step out of the conversation. 😉
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I know. Mathematician is a hard career to talk about. 😛
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You are too funny!
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Reblogged this on When I Became an Author and commented:
Kids are not a distraction to their author parents!
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Great story! I have no kids, but I do work with them daily and I have a four legged dog. Sometimes it’s inpossible to get anything done. My dog is my baby.
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Dogs are an interesting distraction. You can’t reason with them, so I wonder how one would work around a dog. Do you have any tricks?
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No, all it takes is one or two barks and outside we go!!! LOL
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Maybe a tape recorder to speak your thoughts as you walk?
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Wonderful post Charles. I agree. it is not always the children that are the distraction, and when they are, it is usually a good thing. You can blame it on me. I keep blabbering at you all day and therefore you get nothing done. But you can’t call me Bob. He is my uncle.
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Bobette? I just finished a chapter section, so I’m making some headway. The little guy is going to be home in an hour and a half, but the weather is too messy to play outside. So, I’ll get some work done while he’s in the house crying about being stuck inside. I have to let him mope it out. It’s the only thing that works.
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You could make him a diaper box sandwich
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Reblogged this on Kori Miller Writes and commented:
A great reminder! My children are a constant source of inspiration and writing material. We talk shop a lot, and usually not while I’m actually writing. They’re my favorite distraction.
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I used to be a truckload of tantrums when I was really small (that’s what my parents tell me)…! I loved this post of yours though. I cannot fully understand you, but I can understand what you mean, and believe me…kids are the best things in the world! I love kids, no matter how much they disturb me or are rude because they are just too innocent to know. It must be really cute to have your kid sit next to you with a Spongebob typewriter and pretend to be typing, lol! I would love to see a photograph of him in that position!! 😀 Loved this post!
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I can try. I make no promises due to him being a moving target.
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Lol! He must be really cute! 😀
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Once you get through the layer of yogurt he just bathed himself in. 😀
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Hahaha! I want to be small again…! You can literally do anything and no one says anything bad to you! 😀
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At least not when you’re around. 😉
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Lol! 😀 You really are a sit-down comedian aren’t you! 😉
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This is sooo true! My ex-husband was a bigger disruption to my projects that a child ever could be! lol He never really got my writing…he tried, but it was hard for him…I learned to put down my writing when he was home for the first couple of hours after work. Then when he’s settled down some I’d slip off to write 🙂 Kids just like to be where they can see you and have you smile at them!
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It seems like adults are worse because they have the intention behind their distractions. A child doesn’t realize what an author is doing. An adult knows and continues distracting. So rude.
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My ex sometimes did it just to get my goat! lol
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My wife is just oblivious and has horrible timing. There have been a few incidents where I’m in a tense scene, she walks in chatting away, and I yell her out of the room. Known each other for 15 years and she still doesn’t think to look before she talks. I figure she’s beyond training at this point. 😛
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LOL…shaking my head…I hated when stuff like that happens! I think it’s hard for people to understand if they aren’t a writer. I literally have to close my door and tape a sign up on the outside that says, “DO NOT disturb I’m writing” so that my roommate doesn’t interrupt me in the middle of a thought 🙂
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I need a door. That would help so much. I work out of the dining room, so I think I’d need two doors to flank myself with.
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Yes…definitely two doors! I would be lost without my door!!
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Charles loved it! I actually find by talking to my children about my story characters they see things I did not and also come up with some pretty amazing ideas. Great post.
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Mine just laughs if I change my voice. I guess being 3, he doesn’t get the full gist of what I’m doing. All he knows is that daddy is being silly, which is now something he calls me on.
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My Just 3 is pretty cool at playing by himself. I always make sure we do things together throughout the day. Both my kids don’t miss out. Sleep quota maybe takes a backseat though.
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I’ve been having trouble balancing this week when the little guy comes home. Mostly because he wants to play outside and there are no outlets for my laptop. So, that tends to end my writing and blogging for the day. Also reading because I have to chase him around and wrestle on the lawn.
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Mine is home all day. If I don’t TRY and get some stuff done during the day, I wouldn’t sleep at all!
You need a veeeery long extension cord!
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Thought about it, but that’s just asking for him to play with it. There’s also the challenge of how do I get the laptop, the toddler, the sippy cup, and the plate (hopefully empty) into the house without chaos.
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Well children can be source of inspiration and distraction. And yes, maybe you can distract as much if you have adults around. But tell me something, how would you do if you had your little one snatching the notebook and pen off your hands if you abandon the computer? And you abandon the computer because she stretches her hand to touch the keyboard whatever you’re doing? Sometimes I get nervous because I understand she wants to copy me, but still I’m not able to do much!
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That’s a concern, but I’ve found that fearing it only causes me grief. It really is determined by the child’s personality too. My son has never shown an interest in taking my notebooks out of my hands. He’s grabbed them off shelves and brought them to me, but he’s never tried to draw on them. He got into one of my printed book copies and drew on the blank sides, so I think he knows not to draw on anything that has words on it. With the computer, he’s done that before and I immediately switch to the desktop, so he doesn’t do anything. It’s rather easy to fend him to do that. After that, some play-fighting and running around. Then, he goes to do something else and I’m left to go back to my writing. That’s just the way he is, so I might just be lucky,
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It might be, as with Maya I have problems on this point of view. Sometimes I just think she wants to mimic me whatever I do! I mean I should be proud of that but still it’s a hassle when you’re trying to do something. I tried to play around like you suggested, but that works for my partner and not for me. I tried to by her coloured and singing toy laptop, but no success, she keeps coming to me! I think I have to give up to the idea to be slowed down!
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You can also look at it this way. Play with her a lot and wear her down, so she goes to bed earlier/easier. More writing time after that. 😀
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Eh I don’t want to sound too complicated but I’ve tried that too, it’s easier she wears me down rather than the all the way around! And when she’s tired I’m usually looking forward to bed!!!! But thanks for the moral support!!!!!
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No problem. Figured I’d suggest it. Only other idea I can think of is giving her a notebook that is identical to yours and let her have that when you’re working.
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Done that too! Believe me I’ve tried everything! But it seems that mum’s stuff is more interesting! I start to draw with her, and we play with her own notebook and when she’s well distracted I sneak to do my stuff but then after a few second here she is! I tried to keep her in my lap showing what I was doing and trying to type or write with her there, but she wanted to participate in a way!!!
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